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ENTERTAIN ME!!!! Leg in plaster & bored stiff!!!


Guest foxyjo.

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An Irish daughter hadnot been home for over five years. Upon her return her father cussed her,"Where have you been all this time?Why did ye not write us a line?Why didn't ye call? Do ye know what you put your mother through?"

The girl,crying sniffed"Dad....I'm sorry ...But I became a prostitute"

"Ye what?" replied the dad."Out of here you shameless harlot,youre a disgrace to this good Catholic family"

"Ok dad,I only came back to give mum this key to a ten bedroomed mansion,plus £5m savings certificate.For little brother this Rolex,and for you Dad,the new Mercedes parked outside plus membership to the country club...and an invitation to you all to spend New Year on my yaght in the Reviera....."

"Hang on a minute" said the dad"What did you say you had become?"

The girl,crying still,"A prostitute"

"Ah,bejaysus! Ye scared me half to death girl! I thought you said a Prodestant,now come here and give your old dad a hug!"

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A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening. She was knitting and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh yeah? Prove it."

He frowned for a moment and said, "OK," then got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About half an hour later he returned all tired and sweaty. "Well, the cow and the sheep definitely didn't have one. But the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell!"

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Guest foxyjo.

Bloody excellent!!!! :laugh: :laugh:

 

I got this on my phone a few days ago, (good job cos I can never remember them!!)

 

You are drivig at a constant speed.

On your left is a sheer drop and to your right is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level, also travelling at the same speed.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GET THE FECK OFF THE KIDDIES MERRY GO ROUND YOU PISSED UP b*****d!!!!!!

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Bloody excellent!!!! :laugh::laugh:

 

I got this on my phone a few days ago, (good job cos I can never remember them!!)

 

You are drivig at a constant speed.

On your left is a sheer drop and to your right is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level, also travelling at the same speed.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GET THE FECK OFF THE KIDDIES MERRY GO ROUND YOU PISSED UP b*****d!!!!!!

 

Must be someone who knows you then :thumbs:

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Mick Hucknall's been arrested after being

caught shagging a rabbit.

A police source said he was holding

back the ears & singing

bunny's two tight to mention.

 

 

 

Paddy is on a bus when a young blonde

starts breastfeeding her baby,

"come on drink up or i'll give it to

that man over there"

ten minutes later she's still trying to feed the baby

and say's "come on or mummy will still give it

to that man over there"

Paddy looks over and say's

"for f**k sake missus,

will you make your f*****g mind up,

i should have got off 3 stops ago!"

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