mattydski 560 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Your on a ration, but you can have one more for now.. A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hob&Jill 258 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Try 'redtube' keeps me entertained when I am bored Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest foxyjo. Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Your on a ration, but you can have one more for now.. A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!" LMFAO!!!!!! :laugh: Fan - bloody-tastic!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lucylocket 0 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Bad luck with the leg,but in the meantime.... Gordon Brown called Alastair darling into his office one day and said,"Alaistair,I have a great idea! WE are going to go al out to win back Middle England" "Good idea PM,how will we go about it?" said Darling. "Well",said Brown"We'll get ourselves two of those Barbour coats,some proper wellies,a stick and a flat cap,oh and a Labrador.Then we'll really look the part.We'll go to a niceold country puband we'll show we really enjoy the countryside........oh and remember not to mention the hunting with dogs act" "Right PM",said darling.So a few days later they set off from London,all kitted out. Eventually they arrived at a lovely country pub and with the dog went in and up to the bar. "Good evening Landlord,two pints of your best ale from the wood please",said Brown. Good evening Prime Minister" said the landlord"Two pints of best it is" Brown and Darling stood leaning on the bar contemplating new taxes,nodding now and then to those who came in for a drink,whilst the dog lay quietly at their feet. As they drank they chatted about how heart-rending it was that pensioners were being imprisoned for non-payment of council tax. All of a sudden ,the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old shepherd complete with crook.He walked up to the dog,lifted its tail and looked underneath,shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the bar. A few moments later in came a wizened old farmer who followed the same procedure. To the bewilderment of Brown and Darling all manner of folk repeated this behaviour over the next hour. Eventually,unable to contain his curiousity any longer,Brown called the landlord over. "Tell me" Brown says to the landlord,"Why did all those people come in and look under the dogs tail.Is it an old country custom?" "Good Lord no",said the landlord,"Its just that someone told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two arseholes" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest SJM Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 some good ones on here folks, keep em coming Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bigadg 5 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 foxyjoe i know how you feel i too am in plaster and have been since the week before christmas hope to have mine off this week. all you can do is keep ya chin up and keep taking the tablets hope yours aint as painfull as mine stu Quote Link to post Share on other sites
osimons89 0 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 that is fu*kin brillant best ive herd in a long time Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 I feel for you Foxy, knees are a b*****d. I've just been on crutches for six fecking weeks after a knee op, and I'm in more pain now than I was before the op. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest foxyjo. Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Lucy - that was great!! Thank you!!! :clapper: Bigadg - that's a long haul... I'm ok as I can't bend it and that's what was absolute agony. It is throbbing and going but not as bad as if it were a break I'm guessing. Hope you're back on top form soon Mal - poor you!!! With the new baby you must have by now too!! I've got to go to some knee trauma unit thingy when the cast comes off, as I've got history with them...hopefully I can avoid an op but they've talked about it. Hope you're all better soon. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 A burglar breaks into a house at night. As he quietly creeps across the floor he suddenly hears a voice, "Jesus is watching you!". He stops dead still and listens, but he doesn't hear anything. He shines his flashlight around the room and he doesn't see anyone. He takes another step. Again he hears "You better be careful, Jesus is watching you!" Again he stops and remains still. Nothing. He takes another step.. "Oh ho, you're in trouble now. Jesus is watching you!" He shines his flashlight around the room again. This time in the upper corner of the room he sees a parrot on a perch. The parrot says, "I told you to be careful, Jesus is watching you!" He goes up to the parrot and shines his light in its face. "Who are you?", he asks. "Fishbowl" the parrot replies. "What fool would name their parrot fishbowl?" he asks the parrot. "The same fool that named his killer rotteweiler Jesus" the parrot answers. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 never mind that, get the dinner prepped up for tomorrow Quote Link to post Share on other sites
foxcub 0 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 (edited) poor mum but she is a pain i hav :e to keep makeing her tea and cook for her :piggy: but it make school very coplex and nowing the lack of organisation more days of school Edited February 7, 2009 by foxcub Quote Link to post Share on other sites
North Country Boy 0 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 If your bored and laid up try this, BUT BE WARNED its highly contageous. www.fantasticcontraption.com Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest foxyjo. Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Matty - I love them!! But there's a definite parrot theme going on... have you discovered a new passion for parrots???!!! Foxcub...well, what can I say? Nothing actually, cos YOU'RE IN BED!!! haha!! And you've got weeks of this! Making me tea...peeling grapes for me...putting my socks on!!! And as for dis-organisation, think I'll just put together a little job list for the morning..... What is it North Country Boy?? It's not something dodgy is it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lucylocket 0 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Lucy - that was great!! Thank you!!! :clapper: Bigadg - that's a long haul... I'm ok as I can't bend it and that's what was absolute agony. It is throbbing and going but not as bad as if it were a break I'm guessing. Hope you're back on top form soon Mal - poor you!!! With the new baby you must have by now too!! I've got to go to some knee trauma unit thingy when the cast comes off, as I've got history with them...hopefully I can avoid an op but they've talked about it. Hope you're all better soon. You're welcome,more tomorrow. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.