harrycatcat 31 Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Two Cornish country bumpkins get married and go to the city for their honeymoon. They go into their hotel room for the night and get in bed, and neither of them knows what to do now. They look out the window and see some Northerners outside. "I'll bet they can help us!" says the husband, and runs downstairs. A chap from Doncaster comes up back with him. He takes a piece of chalk and draws a circle on the floor several feet away from the bed. "Now I want you to watch me carefully, but no matter what I do, do not step out of the circle," says the Northerner. The husband is standing in the circle while the Northerner proceeds to make wild passionate love to the wife for a few hours. The Northerner stands up afterwards and sees that the husband is giggling. "What's so funny?!" asks the Northerner. The husband answers, "I stepped out of the circle three times, and you didn't even notice!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
weg 0 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 how was copper wire invented? two northerners fighting over a penny Quote Link to post Share on other sites
weg 0 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 i go to work down the mine, then go out to get plastered then go home and beat my wife cos im a northern b*****d Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 i go to work down the mine, then go out to get plastered then go home and beat my wife cos im a northern b*****d Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 A Southerner is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting."thirteen thirteen thirteen!" goes the noise from the mental hospital wards. The mans curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence.Its not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in. instantly ,someone jabs him in the eye.As he reels back in agony,the chanting continues "fourteen fourteen fourteen!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 One day Southern bumpkin Bob goes to the hardware shop and buys a bathtub. A couple of days later he goes back to the shop and complains that whenever he puts water in the bath it always runs out the bottom so he can't fill it up. The shop assistant tells him: "You need to buy a plug, mate." and Bob says "You b*****d! You never told me it was electric!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Jenny from Tavistock was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 150,000 miles on the clock. One day, she told her problem to Jerry. He said, "There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Jenny, "if only I can sell the car." "Okay," said Jerry. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 25,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem selling it." The following weekend, Jenny made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Jerry asked Jenny, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Jenny, "Why would I want to sell it? It only has 25,000 miles on the clock." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Looks like all the southerners have been shoplifting again and got their selves locked up. We will see if they get bail. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mole trapper 1,693 Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 A newly married Northern couple decided they wanted children, but didn't know how to go about it. Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child's book about where babies came from, but to no avail. He tried his own explanation but was met with blank stares. Exasperated, he took them to his private office, and showed them a porno movie. This was also useless. Angrily, he ordered the girl to strip, told the man to watch, and had sex with her on the couch. ''Now, do you understand?'' he asked. ''I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for this?'' Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Little Northern girl shouts out to her Mam, " Mum, i can't put my knickers on right" Her Mam pokes her head round the door and says " I've told you before, it is yellow at the front and brown at the Back. :sick: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Another northern joke, Burnley come to London expecting to get in the finals of the Carling cup. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kash 1 Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Another northern joke, Burnley come to London expecting to get in the finals of the Carling cup. yes we did what the arseholes & the cheskies couldn't do Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 How do you tell if a Southerners telling porky pies. He moves his lips Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Bournmouth Bob and Torquay Ted were talking one afternoon when Bob tells Ted, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a holiday. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Ted asks Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Bob says, "This year I'm taking Marie with me." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 OK lads I give in you win this one hands down, the Northern lads cant match your southerner Bushy for being stupid you win. OH YEH JBS WILDLIFE But he was caught lying. I really think that Bushy has pushed the southerners to the top of the stupid stakes I dont think the thickest of northerners could match him. No contest really. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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