Guest blackntan Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 A Northern farmer walks into his bedroom one morning with a sheep under his arm. "Do you realise this is the smelly pig i have to f#ck when you aint up for it" He says. The Northern farmers wife replies "Er, i think you will find that is a sheep, not a pig!" The Northen farmer says "er, i think you will find i was talking to the Sheep." robbing are jokes now i put that on another thread ages ago Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mole trapper 1,693 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Midwife says to the northener your wife has just had triplets, to which he replies i am not suprised, my cock is as big as a chimney!, the midwife replies well you better get it swept as they are all fu...ing black. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 What do southerners and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 What's the difference between the southerners and a jet engine? A jet engine eventually stops whining Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mole trapper 1,693 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 How does a northerner stop his dog humping his leg? He Picks him up and sucks his d**k! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mole trapper 1,693 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 A young northern teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck them dry!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mole trapper 1,693 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Little Northern Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!!!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mole trapper 1,693 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Wheres all the shandy drinking northeners, have they gone to bed already? not signing on day tomorrow is it?. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Three women were talking about their love lives. The Northern lady said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated." The scotish lady said, "Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful." The Southerners wife said, "Mine is like an old Morris Minor. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going." ps dole day is Wednesday Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Must be southerners signing on day Monday as they have all gone to bed. Off myself now as its work in the morning. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Must be southerners signing on day Monday as they have all gone to bed. Off myself now as its work in the morning. Oi Harry, you nicked that off of mole trapper. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mole trapper 1,693 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Must be southerners signing on day Monday as they have all gone to bed. Off myself now as its work in the morning. Oi Harry, you nicked that off of mole trapper. You know what it,s like with these Northeners Halfinch, if it aint nailed down. , Dont forget if you are ever unfortunate enough to have to shake a northeners hand, count your fingers after. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Tell me about it Mole, i pop up north a couple of time a year just to visit my alloy wheels. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Three southerners off THL enter a restaurant, look around, pull down their pants and trousers and start beating off. Frantically the manager rushes up to them and says,"We do not tolorate such lude behavior." Puzzled the one guy resonds, "We were only obeying the sign." The manager asks "what sign." "The one that says FIRST COME FIRST SERVED." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 Two Southerners called John and Ed walked into a bar. Ed: "What do you want to drink, Jackass? "John: "A..A...A pa...pa..pi..pint o..of gi...gi..gi Guinness A..a pint of Guinness, please." Ed goes up to the bar. "Two pints of Guinness for me and my mate Jackass." Ed takes the drinks back. "Here you go, Jackass." Later when they had finished their drinks, Ed says to John, "It's your round, Jackass. Go get us a pint o' Guinness." John goes to the bar. "T..T...T..two pa..pa...pa..pi..pints o..o..of gi.. gin..gi..Guinness. Two pints of Guinness, please." When the barman was sure Ed wasn't listening he said, "I think it's awful him calling you Jackass all the time." John says, "Oh, he..aw, he..aw, he..aw, he..awlways calls me that." ps -I didnt know bicycles had alloy wheels on them Halfinch Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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