Halfinch 51 Posted June 5, 2009 Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 Q.What do you call a Essex girl with half a brain? A.Gifted! Q.What do you call a Essex girl with 2 brain cells? A.Pregnant Q.Why aren't Essex girls good cattle herders? A.Because they can't even keep two calves together! Q.What did the Essex girl's right leg say to the left leg? A.Nothing. They've never met I guess your fella must have told you those ones Manda. :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Both Tim , the Cornish tin miner, and his comrade, Bob, had forgotten their pasties for croust. One of their workmates came to the rescue with a large piece of figgy 'obbin.' Tim broke it two. One chunk was rather smaller than the other and he gave this to Bob, keeping the big piece for himself. "That 'edn fair," said Bob. "I'd never have a-done that! I'd have given you the biggest piece if I'd broken un." "Well, I've got the biggest piece, so what are 'ee complainin' about?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 It was hay time and the top-heavy cart coming from the field had overturned in the lane. Its young driver looked at the fallen load in dismay. ****"Cum in fer a dish o' tay", said a motherly soul to the boy as he stood there."We'll give 'e a 'and gettin' it right after. You'll feel more like loadin' again after a drink and a sit down." ****"Faather won't like un," said the boy doubtfully. ****"Faather won't knaw nowt 'bout un," said the woman comfortingly and led the boy, still reluctant, into the house to join her family. ****Half an hour later, all emerged to view the situation, the lad thanking the lady but repeating that his father wouldn't like it at all. ****"Rubbish," she said, "I'll deal with your faather. Where's 'e to?" ****"Under the 'ay", said the boy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
andyp 9 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Two Essex girls walk up to a perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Debs sprays some on her wrist and smells it. "Thats nice innit, dont you fink Trace?" "Yeah, wots it called?" "Viens a Moi" "VIENS A MOI? What does that mean?" At this stage, the assistant offered some help. "Viens a Moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'....." Debs takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again. "That doesn't smell like come to me Trace, does that smell like come to you?" An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she replies "This time it's mayonnaise." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy0211 2 Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 whats the difference between an essex girl and a kitkat? you only get 4 fingers in a kitkat Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted June 17, 2009 Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 A Northern Sid & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Sid says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.. He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?' Sid replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!' Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest manda Posted June 17, 2009 Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Q.What do you call a Essex girl with half a brain? A.Gifted! Q.What do you call a Essex girl with 2 brain cells? A.Pregnant Q.Why aren't Essex girls good cattle herders? A.Because they can't even keep two calves together! Q.What did the Essex girl's right leg say to the left leg? A.Nothing. They've never met I guess your fella must have told you those ones Manda. :laugh: Nope i just ripped them off the net haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted June 17, 2009 Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 Northern Sid takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?' 'Yeah,' says Sid. 'The whole bloody bed by the looks of it! :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted June 17, 2009 Report Share Posted June 17, 2009 2 Northern couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Sid the northerner says to his partner 'I wonder how the girls are getting on? :laugh Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted August 14, 2009 Report Share Posted August 14, 2009 So, Northern Sid is In the pub as usual, with his best mate Barry, and they get round to discusing scuba diving, "why do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water" says Sid, "don't be a thick C%*t," Says Barry, "if they went forward, they would still be in the boat" :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) So, i went to a Northern wedding last week, of course true to form, all hell broke loose. Anyway, when it ended up in court, the best man said to the judge please let me explain what happened. "ok" says the judge " Well i am the brides brother, and the best man, At northern weddings it is traditional for the best man to have first dance with the bride" "Go on" says the judge. "Well there i was dancing with the bride when the groom came running over and kicked the bride right in the C**t" "Flipping Eck" says the judge, " I bet that hurt". "Bloody right it did, Broke 3 of my fingers" Replies the best man. :clapper: Edited October 11, 2009 by Halfinch Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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