!!! christmas jokes !!!

[mad al 146]

Here ya go, a Christmas tale from Chopper

 

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NZCqydCysec&...3C&index=10

[ferret kid 5]

How do elves greet each other?

"Small world, isn't it?"

 

 

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!

 

[pointer28 1]

Twelve Days of Christmas by Frank Kelly (Father Jack)

 

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NQkF7fpw-wI

[mad al 146]

Heres one for the ladies..............

 

 

 

Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with tinsel!! However, its just for the christmas period

 

 

 

 

 

Add your x-mas jokes to help lighten the mood on the site, or just be a sad fooker and dont reply! Happy christams and good hunting all!!! DnN

 

 

rumour has it that they also make them yellow in colour just for lasses spending Christmas in warmer climes..............................

 

a festive sunny period you could say

[simba 1]

Johnny had a swearing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink said that since CHRISTMAS was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him and if Johnny swore he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. So two days before CHRISTMAS Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a f*****g teddy-bear laying right f*****g here beside me when I f*****g wake-up CHRISTMAS morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a f*****g train going around the f*****g tree, and when I go outside I want to see a f*****g bike leaning up against the f*****g garage."

 

On CHRISTMAS morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the CHRISTMAS tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a f*****g dog but I can't find the b*****dâ€.

[Rainmaker 7]

"I think I got a f*****g dog but I can't find the b*****d".

 

[simba 1]

Cliff Richards doing a Christmas gig in Japan, its midway through thegig and its going a storm.....

'Ok folks!' say Cliff 'If you have any requests let me know and I will sing them for you!'

'tits and fanny!' say the audience in unison

'I'm sorry I don't know that one' Cliff says moving swiftly on to another number.

A little later he asks the same thing' Come on everyone, you must have a request?'

'Tits and fanny !,

Tits and fanny !,

Tits and fanny !' say the audience almost simultaneously

'Look, Im a christain god fearing man, I dont do anything like that!' says Cliff,again moving into another Playtex dampening moment.

The night ends up a roaring success and as a finale ,Cliff says

'If you have any of you favourtie Cliff songs maybe you can sing them to me and I will join in?'

 

All at once the crowd chimes in....

 

'Tits and fanny, how we don't talk any more'

[dogman89 0]

imagine the joy when getting

out the decoration i found a present

i forgot to give the kids last year

their excited faces were a picture

as they unwrapped it and opened the box

unfortunality it was a puppy

[simba 1]

Joseph and Mary lived in a barn. Mary had just given birth to a baby boy, Joseph was a carpenter by trade but had no work.

On this particular day, after another unsuccessful day at the job centre, Joseph trudges back to the barn on his donkey. He then notices three men on camels carrying parcels and they take them into the barn.

Joseph gets off his donkey, storms into the barn and shouts, "For f**k's sake, Mary; we've just had a baby, I'm unemployed and you are ordering stuff out of the f*****g catalogue."