simba 1 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 I have two dogs and I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 PMSL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,463 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 :clapper: :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 Hers another for you.. Just back from B and Q, the kids wanted shelves for their bedroom. Just paid and on my way out, when some one stops me and asks if i would like to joint the leauge against cruel sports or soummit like that. Now this isn't that strange.....you might think...... Except that i've been out this morning and i'm dreesed in le chamaeu wellies, seeland beeter trousers, complete with blood stains, and a Harkilla Anaboda jumper...... You think they would research their target audience a bit better. A simple "have you been drinking lass?? answered the question, and no further rebute was neccessary....lol Kids were pissing themselves Matt Quote Link to post Share on other sites
simba 1 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 were do they get it from ?? heres one to ponder on how do these people get to uni or worse what will they do when they graduate ?? i work security at a large campus from the big local uni. One of the students very pretty young girl was talking to us the other day and asking if she could keep a pet ? i replied no sorry there are no pets allowed so bright as a button she asked can i have a fish then ?? i answered sorry fish are pets her reply well why not ? it wont piss or shit anywere (nice manners !!) so i told her sorry you carnt have fish because the local fox will come in through the window eat the fish piss on the sofa and nick all your crisips before leaving... the girl looked at me ran inside and started locking all the windows !!! i ask you who would believe that ! anyway last week we were passing and i noticed a small fish bowl the student dimbo bimbo came running out and said the uni had let her have a fish really pleased with herself !!! i said how are you keeping the fish over xmas when you go home ?? she replied he will be ok in his cage ive bought him some toys to play with !!!! (cage ???? ) so i asked what about food and water she replied i hadnt thought of that i guess ill have to post him home before i go in a few week !!!! i ask you i couldnt make this up .. what is the world coming to Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ferretess 230 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 Whats she studying rocket science ............... hey security on campus has loads off time on there hands specially when most students are home for the break ,,, if you were a nice guy you could always look after Goldie for her ,,,,,,,,,, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
simba 1 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 yeah im sure i will ha ha i think she calls it blackie (no im not going down the pc route ha ha) shes a belter thinks smoke detectors are cameras and waves to them before she goes to bed ... !!!! i couldnt make it up !!! i dont wanna ask what she is studying love it when they go home my dogs have the run of the campus and local wildlife Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Doglost Co-Ordinator 4 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 Wicked- :) some people are so stupid. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zap 4 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 I have two dogs and I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jackard 36 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 lmfao Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rabitin girl 16 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Coney 3 Posted November 20, 2008 Report Share Posted November 20, 2008 Spot on.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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