The Litmus test.............

[mackem 26,564]

Fished in 'ampshire small hours,still tired,but what a night very enjoyable,good company,funny as f**k,and a very unusual catch for a nights fishing????Ampshire trout-fishing,the flint trout are generally considered uncatchable by local 'ampshire folks,but it took a visitor from north of Watford to spin that theory on its head once and for all and shatter the myth of the flint.First fishery we arrived at was a no-go-zone,the gate was open,Quelle horreur,obviously the owner or syndicate members were having a looksee on the water,I have permission,but sometimes folk like solitude,reflection time,do not disturb I guess,and like all good guests we know when to leave the party

Further down the road and another riparian venue,we split into two teams,JOE and I each ghillieing for a guest,in the dark I drew the short-straw so I got the one who was slightly,well,I am a kindly sort of guy so lets just say beningly eccentric.Checking pools and beats on the river he knelt besides each swim,scooped out a small test-tube of water,added a splash of liquid from a chemical dropper-bottle,swirled the phial,and checked it against a small coded colour chart under torchlight,muttering to himself as he went,whatever floats his boat I thought,but I was impatient to tackle-up."Eureka" he proclaimed after four or five swims,opened his tackle bag and took out a block of cheese"Camembert,its got a PH of 7.44,perfect for the alkalinity of this water"Now I was TRULY puzzled?????

Before casting he revealed his familys fishing secrets,how they had travelled the world striving to cement their theories into fact and be accepted by the finest angling and scientific minds,his hypothesis was simple,forget tides,weather conditions,barometric pressures,none of them really mattered,its all about balancing alkalinity,acidity and matching the bait to neutralise the ph of a given water,"Obviously nuts" I thought as he cast and struck in the same instant hauling a nice 5lb trout to the bank.

We chatted as he fished,his family history was incredible,his artisan ancestors had travelled the world building Pyramids in Egypt,walls in China,and had even once been commissioned to seperate northern-england from scotland to prevent counterfeit deep-fried mars-bars from flooding Englandshire.The family moto "Veni,vidi,vici" meaning "Theres more than one brick in the wall"derived from the Humpty-dumpty childrens nursery rhyme,sung he told me to generations of the "Brick" clans children down through the ages.

Fish were soon being grassed in number when his rod arched into a solid bend,snagged on a flint nodule,as the ghillie I felt obliged to free the line.........I did my washing yesterday,all my briefs,every last pair hanging to dry,my mum used to tell me always wear clean underwear in case your knocked over and have to be rushed to hospital,I mean come on,why else would I be wearing a pair of my wifes "Intimate attitudes" peach hipster panties,even my fishing hat was sodden,hence the strawberry blond wig,your heads 10% of your body surface area,I had to prevent body loss somehow,as for the lipstick?Bright-red lipsalve to prevent chapping!Luckily my guest was understanding enough to realise I have no form of gender-crisis :kiss:

Time to head off as the sport had been frenetic "One last cast"I told him,and he whipped the rod back,a startled scream from the darkness behind us merged into a groan from his rod as the tip slammed down,on the car parks tarmac lay a still quivering roe-buck,its throat torn out by the same knife-sharp hook which now was fixed firmly in the scissors of a trouts jaw,the fish attracted by a few roe throat-hairs ahdering to its shank "Aye,us bricks have always been lucky"chuckled my guest

Pics to follow when the lazy f***ers wake up

[Guest bigredbusa]

lol oh im awake alright

 

i still cant believe geri halliwell went

 

 

nice arse by the way i think a certain someone got a bone on

 

 

 

 

[mackem 26,564]

Wasnt that last cast incredible?First time I ever saw a trout AND a roebuck on the same hook Got any pics of the deer?

[Guest bigredbusa]

oh ok just for you , would just like to add no dogs or guns where used . maybe mackem would care to explain

 

[mackem 26,564]

Put my hand on a bible and say neither dogs-nor-guns,funny what you can do with a fishing-rod BRB,more than one way to skin a cat

[Guest bigredbusa]

a startled scream from the darkness behind us merged into a groan from his rod as the tip slammed down,on the car parks tarmac lay a still quivering roe-buck,its throat torn out by the same knife-sharp hook which now was fixed firmly in the scissors of a trouts jaw,the fish attracted by a few roe throat-hairs ahdering to its shank "Aye,us bricks have always been lucky"chuckled my guest

 

im crying lol

[mackem 26,564]

a startled scream from the darkness behind us merged into a groan from his rod as the tip slammed down,on the car parks tarmac lay a still quivering roe-buck,its throat torn out by the same knife-sharp hook which now was fixed firmly in the scissors of a trouts jaw,the fish attracted by a few roe throat-hairs ahdering to its shank "Aye,us bricks have always been lucky"chuckled my guest

 

im crying lol

Wait till next time

[steve66 3,466]

Sounds like you had a top night and a crash course in ampshire roe

[Guest bigredbusa]

ampshire chalk is the hardest ive seen

[mattydski 560]

I'm surprised no one commented yet???

 

Are you not aware that posting pictures of guys at nightime wearing red wigs may offend some people.

 

There are a sensitive few souls on here..

 

please take their feelings in to consideration....

 

 

M

[mackem 26,564]

It was a brilliant night except that f**kin geri halliwell look alike kept pestering me about wether his hair looked better down or tied back apparantly the hair keeps his head warm any excuse eh......

But at least the lipsi ....Lipsalve stopped my lips from chapping,I bet BRB thought his luck was in when a pretty,shapely blond minced over the carpark towards him,I even practiced swaying my hips in the mirror,got a right good shimmy going

[mackem 26,564]

Sorry Matty But its an infringement of my sexual liberties if anyone comments adversely on the sexual flux I currently find myself going through,I am trying to metamorphosis from chrysalis into butterfly,it will take time,and repeated psychiatric and surgery visits,its lucky my wifes 26 inch waist skirt and size 4 high-heels dont fit though I would have probably snapped a heel off on that darned flint

[mackem 26,564]

I told you why I needed them,the smell of latex heightens my nocturnal hunting skills

[Guest bigredbusa]

get some pics up joe

[mackem 26,564]

No pics of the quid we left then?25 pence each down the drain if no one finds it and we have no photographic evidence we actually left it