few short jokes

[speedlamper 0]

if you are offended by racism, sexism, ageism or any other ism then go and tell someone that cares

 

 

 

A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds

to get out!'

The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you c u n t !'

 

 

 

why are women like clouds? eventually they F u ck off and its a really nice

day

 

 

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on.

 

 

A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a Kit Kat

Chunky?'

The lady behind the till gets him a Kit Kat Chunky and brings it back to

him.

'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal Kit Kat, you fat B i t c h.'

 

 

 

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood

rings so she could monitor my mood.

We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am

in a bad mood, it leaves a big f*****g red mark on her forehead.

 

 

 

I was at an ATM cash machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check

her balance.

So I pushed her over.

 

 

Zebo, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a

day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no

brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video,

it's f*****g hilarious....

 

 

 

I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating

shuttlecocks.

Bad Minton.

 

 

 

Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'.

The reply from his friend...... 'You're so f*****g lucky...

Mine's still alive...'

 

 

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; 'F u c k off, you won't bring it back.'

 

 

2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10

minutes.

'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'

'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wife's an epileptic'