pub

[Clipper 207]

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.

 

The Scotsman, ' I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you. '

 

'Well,' said the Englishman, 'At my village local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy your 3rd drink after you buy the first two.'

 

' Ahhh, dat's nothin,' said the Irishman. 'Back home in Dublin , there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, and another, and in fact all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house! '

 

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims. But, the Irishman swears every word is true.' Well, ' said the Englishman, ' Did this actually happen to you? '

 

 

'Not me me-self, personally, no, ' said the Irishman. 'But it did happen to me sister a few times.'

[kash 1]

two yanks sat in this pub just before last orders the,

1st yank turns to his mate i'm going to get a pint of fighting ale.

goes to the bar & asks the landlady for the pint,

any way not having fighting ale she gets a glass urinates in it

and say's that will be £1.50 please.

his mate said "what did say that was"? is it any good?

it's bloody strong stuff.

"think i'll have a pint of that, goes up and gets the landlady's daughter,

and asks for a pint of the same.the girl goes and says i've got a guy here asking for fightin ale,

her mum say's i had one of them earlier,do what i did & urinate in a glass.

she does this and charges him £1.75, he goes back to his mate sits down.

turns to his mate and say's your right bloody good for £1.75.

his mate goes £1.75 give me your glass holds both glasses

up to the light turns to his mate and say's no wonder you've got a drop of port in your's

[Clipper 207]

put this in wrong section could someone put in [bANNED TEXT] one

[kash 1]

this bloke comes home to find his seventeen yr old

daughter going at herself with a pink vibro,

"what the f**k do you think your doing"

"well you won't let me have a boyfriend so

this is my substitute"

a few days later the daughter comes

home sick to find her dad lying on the couch,

a can in one hand & the pink vibro up is arse,

"dad what the f**k"

oh it's alright i'm just having a drink with your boyfriend.

[markieboi 0]

LMFAO

 

where do you get your jokes from lads fecking hell

 

they get worse every jokes thread i see