gis a laugh

[kash 1]

paddy the electrician has been sacked from H.M. prison for refusing 2 fix the electric chair.

he said, in his proffesional opinion, it's a f*****g death trap!

 

 

 

a jewish girl calls her mother. mum i'm getting a divorce. 'a divorce? why?'

the mother asks shocked, 'mum all he wants is anal sex. i used to have a lovely

little arsehole the size of a 5p piece.

now it's the size of a 50p piece. the mother says, 'sweetie, you have a lovely home,

a porche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays a year

and you want to give all that up for the sake of 45p?!

[mattydski 560]

paddy the electrician has been sacked from H.M. prison for refusing 2 fix the electric chair.

he said, in his proffesional opinion, it's a f*****g death trap!

 

 

 

a jewish girl calls her mother. mum i'm getting a divorce. 'a divorce? why?'

the mother asks shocked, 'mum all he wants is anal sex. i used to have a lovely

little arsehole the size of a 5p piece.

now it's the size of a 50p piece. the mother says, 'sweetie, you have a lovely home,

a porche, a platinum credit card and have 4 foreign holidays a year

and you want to give all that up for the sake of 45p?!

 

[speedlamper 0]

what goes 'woof woof bang?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a terrierist

[hagar 5]

Father duffy walks into the convent and sees sister rose washing the floor

overcome with desire he pushes her on the ground

as hes sh ing her the reverend mother comes in

SISTER ROSE!!! SHE ROARS HAVE SOME RESPECT

arch your back girl keep father duffys balls off the wet floor

[kash 1]

a blonde, a brunette and a redhead get into a lift to leave work

and notice a white, sticky patch on the wall.

'looks like spunk' said the brunette. 'smells like spunk'

said the redhead. the blonde puts her finger in

the sticky patch, licks her finger and said,

'well, it's nobody from our office.'

 

 

 

3 men die on xmas eve,to get into heaven St peter says " you must have

something on you that represents xmas" the englishman flicks

on his lighter and says its a candle,

St peter lets him pass, welshman pulls out a set of keys

and jingles them and says they are bells, St peter lets him pass,

the irishman pulls out a G-string and St peter says how the hell do

they represent xmas!!

paddy says they're CAROLS !!

[hagar 5]

a blonde, a brunette and a redhead get into a lift to leave work

and notice a white, sticky patch on the wall.

'looks like spunk' said the brunette. 'smells like spunk'

said the redhead. the blonde puts her finger in

the sticky patch, licks her finger and said,

'well, it's nobody from our office.'

 

 

 

3 men die on xmas eve,to get into heaven St peter says " you must have

something on you that represents xmas" the englishman flicks

on his lighter and says its a candle,

St peter lets him pass, welshman pulls out a set of keys

and jingles them and says they are bells, St peter lets him pass,

the irishman pulls out a G-string and St peter says how the hell do

they represent xmas!!

paddy says they're CAROLS !!

pmsl

[kash 1]

a blonde, a brunette and a redhead get into a lift to leave work

and notice a white, sticky patch on the wall.

'looks like spunk' said the brunette. 'smells like spunk'

said the redhead. the blonde puts her finger in

the sticky patch, licks her finger and said,

'well, it's nobody from our office.'

 

 

 

3 men die on xmas eve,to get into heaven St peter says " you must have

something on you that represents xmas" the englishman flicks

on his lighter and says its a candle,

St peter lets him pass, welshman pulls out a set of keys

and jingles them and says they are bells, St peter lets him pass,

the irishman pulls out a G-string and St peter says how the hell do

they represent xmas!!

paddy says they're CAROLS !!

pmsl

 

I TRY TO PLEASE GLD SOME ONE LIKES EM

[sallymonkey 0]

3 women in a cafe.

1st woman said "im having a boob job"

2nd woman said "im having mi T~~T bleached

3rd woman says " i carn"t imagine your husband with blonde hair".....

[hagar 5]

You are invited to the annual dinner of THE PREMATURE EJACULATION SOCIETY .I asked if there was a dress code .

They said, NO, JUST COME IN YOUR PANTS.

quality

[hagar 5]

I went to see chubby brown last night

i shouted you fat bas:censored: rd you fat bas rd

then i was told that sort of behaviour wasnt tolerated at the labour party conference

[hagar 5]

What do you get if you cross the m5 with a wheelchair

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

splattered all over the road

Edited September 27, 2008 by hagar

[scothunter 12,609]

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

 

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

 

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

[scothunter 12,609]

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm.

 

"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the

shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.

 

As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly

whispers,

 

"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for

$65,000."

 

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

 

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.

 

"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

 

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you

show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

 

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

[kash 1]

a man is told he has only 24hrs to live,

he tells his wife & asks if they can make love

one last time, crying she agrees & they have

mind blowing sex. after 12hrs he asks again,

and she gives him the best blowjob he ever had.

4hrs to go and he begs for one last go.

"f**k OFF" she said," i'm not being funny but

i have to get up in the morning YOU DON'T"!

[kash 1]

A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm.

 

"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the

shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.

 

As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly

whispers,

 

"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for

$65,000."

 

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

 

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.

 

"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."

 

 

 

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you

show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"

 

"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"