Exit the Shitter

[mackem 26,262]

Over four thousand views for this thread?I think thats proof of ditches popularity

[Yokel Matt 918]

Seemed like a nice enough chap who called a spade and spade and had a interesting perspective of life. Hopefully he'll let us all know when he finally gets that mink...

[outshooting 0]

So who has left THL site then?????

[trappa 518]

I for one loved ds's posts. He had a knack of writing that kept you glued to his posts. One of the good guys.

[SportingShooter 0]

sorry to hear that traps is under the weather i hope its not to serious and that he is well soon. one of the best offers i ever got came from traps and i regret not taking it up. i wont bother badmouthing anyone. its enough that i have good words for one.

He is perfectly fine.

 

He was telling me, he was happy enough firing up the Range the other night and all was quite pleasant there.

 

In good health

 

SS

[Lennard 10]

Well..I enjoyed his eloquent posts and wish him all the best...

 

L

[RatSnatcher 0]

A Classic Ditchshitter thread

 

Quote

 

Hadn't been in bed four hours. Dogs went off and I knew there was somebody out there. Naturally, I just assumed it was Pat and so tried to ignore it. I mean, he has his own business outside my compound and doesn't need me to govern his actions there. Alough, then again, I suppose he could be requiring my attention for some reason? Better take a look .....

 

And that's how I came to find myself, half awake, quarter beered and realising straight away, just by his speech pattern, the guy was a f*cking nutter!

 

Not Pat at all, obviously. This was some guy I've never seen in my life before. He'd somehow found me and was asking, in his perculiarly hesitant and vague manner, if I were " The guy who does the pests and things? ".

 

Well, I'm not averse to a doorstepped job so I asked him what particular pests he was troubled by. That brought forth yet another rambling stream of mumbling, the gist of which was something about; " In the garden ..... Those things with the bushy tails. "

 

Funny, isn't it? I'd bet my nights dinner on it that probably 99% + of ye reading this thought, " Squirrels.", didn't ye? Aye, well it just shows how native I've become because, without thought or hesitation I simply interjected; " That'll be Pine Martens. They're protected." Thereby considering the case closed and allowing my somewhat groggy mind to get back to fully concentrating on my own desperate desire for peace and quiet and a nice cup of tea and fag. But then he was burbling on about " Rats and crows " and I couldn't help but think, as I wearily rubbed at my face; " F*cking hell; This guy's got the full damn menagerie! ".

 

So it was that I soon found myself inside his over heated, rubbish strewn old motor. Trying to make sense of this constant stream of flat toned grief that he's inflicting, all the while, on my ears.

 

From what I could make of it, his story was something along the lines of this: He had " The bushy tailed yokes " (Pine Martens, to you or me) in his garden and getting under his motor. It appears his newly ammended wish - in view of their status in law - was that I bring cages and remove them to some indeterminate other place, there to release them again. Oh aye? Right .....

 

And then there were the rats. Bit more interesting to me, that one. Only now he's involving the damn " Crows " in the same breath. Now, out here, " Crow " is a catch all word for Hooded Crow, Rook and Jackdaw. As we'd already covered the " Bushy tailed yokes " and I'd yet had niether a cup of tea nor that, by now, quite desperaely needed fag, I was in no mood to try dissecting state of mind or syntax just to find out what f*cking birds were bothering him and / or his rats!

 

Never mind. Clutching desperately for some shred on comfort in this unasked for situation, I took it in the fact that he'd mentioned he lived in ..... well, he'd named the local town. This brought me the pleasurable vision of strolling up to his place as and when I was in town on any other business. Perhaps even getting the odd free lift in. Only that little day dream was rudely shattered as we passed straight through the town and started heading off deep into a part of Eire I've simply never seen before. I think it was about then that the old 'Fight or Flight' instinct started nipping at the back of my mind! I was in a strange motor, being driven out into strange lands by a decidedly strange erstwhile Client!

 

Thankfully, he never quite found his right moment to attack and so I decanted myself in his yard and immediately began to take careful stock of my surroundings. Now what the f*cking hell was he on about?! Oh yes: These rats.

 

I found myself staring balefully down at three holes around what appeared to be an old tree root. I can't be much more specific about that as my attention was focussed entirely on the holes themselves. The Smallest one being quite amply large enough that I could have rammed my fist down it - that could have been an unconcious shifting of my growing desire to ram my first somewhere? The main one was more akin to a f*cking Rabbit Burrow! And this c*** was telling me about Rats?!

 

That's when he started nudging this bit of plastic sewage piping around with his foot. One of those bits with a curve to it. Barely a foot long. From what I could make out, Einstien here had been putting poisoned bait in it and was now peturbed that the " Crows " had eaten it all! Back in england, we have whole bloody organisations set up Just to try and reach out to people like this and convince them they're not really following the exact principles of Best Practice. And I still hadn't had a cup of tea.

 

So, I took a quick circuit of his ground. Found absolutely no visible sign of rodent infestation. Listened as he now explained how " Mice " were coming out of yet another fist sized hole at the base of his property wall and getting " Up amongst " a rotted wooden lintel. I suggested a blob of cement there. Much more of this and I might have shit in the f*cking hole and pronounced that a fool proof stoppage to his 'Mouse' problems and held my bloody hand out! Is insanity infectious? Something enviromental, perhaps?

 

Anyway, I don't even honestly remember at which point I seem to have assuaged his concerns. But we were back in his four wheeled oven and heading back towards town. Me now gasping for cool air as much as a fag. I was myself, by now, rambling too. Fielding his many and various disjointed questions as we went along. He seemed to have now alighted on " Weasles " as a point of obsession. So I explained 'weasles' to him pitching my responses at, as best I could imagine, might have been his level. Needless to say, the term " Mustalid " never once entered the conversation then.

 

By the time we were back on my own ground and I was trying to distinguish exactly what the hell he wanted to know about the shooting of the fox on the roof over there, I was actively skinning that to be died for fag, right there in the motor.

 

Glancing at the clock, I see now that I was actually in his company for one whole hour. That being almost three hours ago. And do you know; In that three hours I now realise the Dogs have whined and I've lept out of this chair to fling an anxiety ridden glance towards that, thankfully empty, turning place three bloody times! I'm a nervous wreck!

 

The bugger found me. Now I oh so f*cking hope he'll simply forget me. Rats I can deal with; Delusory psychosise are Not us!

 

 

All the best DS

[mackem 26,262]

Ditch,very funny guy,maybe one day he will return

[rob.i 26]

Aye with a bit o luck

[hue jeers 6]

Feck me is this still going on

 

I'm gonna ring the Pope up and ask him to Cannonise Ditchy for services to people with nothing else better to do

 

( would ask the Labour party to make him a MBE or something but cannot for the life in me see him with his feet at Buck house :sick: )

 

Good bloke and a laugh but come on people, move on eh.

[bunnysniper 0]

Feck me is this still going on

 

I'm gonna ring the Pope up and ask him to Cannonise Ditchy for services to people with nothing else better to do

 

( would ask the Labour party to make him a MBE or something but cannot for the life in me see him with his feet at Buck house :sick: )

 

Good bloke and a laugh but come on people, move on eh.

 

why don't you move on hue jeers.

 

I'm new to this forum and had never read any of ditches posts till I came across this thread...........I then spent a very entertaining couple of hours finding out what I'd missed.

An intelligent guy with a good heart who entertained + informed a lot of people on here. If those folk see fit to pay tribute to him in this way, good on 'em.

If you don't share their views or have a problem with it........don't read the thread. Simple really isn't it?

[huntergatherer 0]

i agree as i didnt know ds, but saw the odd thread and they make for an intellignet read, could all his threads be possibly be put together and pinned or whatever it is that can be done, just a thought anyway, might be a good influence on young budding hunters and such alike?

 

all the best

 

K

[jasper65 6]

Feck me is this still going on

 

I'm gonna ring the Pope up and ask him to Cannonise Ditchy for services to people with nothing else better to do

 

( would ask the Labour party to make him a MBE or something but cannot for the life in me see him with his feet at Buck house :sick: )

 

Good bloke and a laugh but come on people, move on eh.

 

They're now having a Statue errected of Shitters Feet outside THL head Office in rememberance

[RatSnatcher 0]

clapper.gif They're now having a Statue errected of Shitters Feet outsideTHL[/b] head Office in rememberance

 

errr I can see the toe nails leading up the stairs to the main door :laugh:

 

What a tribute and well deserved

 

I wonder if you will get such a responce when you leave a forum hue jeers....

[hue jeers 6]

Good job he's not Egyptian or they would be busy making a Pyramid for him

 

He's only gone for a pedicure, he'll be back sometime next Summer