gilly-93 31 Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 3 bodys turn up at mortuary all with smiles on there faces. Cop asks coroner ''why are they all smiling?'' Coroner says 1st guy died of a heart attack shaging his wife...hense the smile on his face 2nd guy won lottery spent it on whisky and died of alcahol poisoning...hense the smile on his face 3rd guy was unusual- pulser from belfast was struck by lightning... The cop says Why the f**k was he smiling then? Coroner says daft basted thought he was having a photo taken... Man says get ready me you and the dog are off fishing, wife says but i dont want to go Man says look love you have got three choice's 1:go fishing 2:give me a blowjob 3:take it up the arse so she pulls his cock out and starts sucking it she stops and says: ''This taste's like shit'' Man says yes dog did not want to go fishing either... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
undisputed 1,664 Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 Man driving down the road woman comin the opposite way, they pass each other and the guy shouts out window "COW" Woman yells back "PRICK" woman drives on turns corner and slams into a cow and dies....If only women would listen. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WILF Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 Why are there no paki spacemen.........cause Nissan dont make rockets! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
xx-georgia-xx 15 Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun." The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic." "Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing. "What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!" "That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gilly-93 31 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 nice one georgia Quote Link to post Share on other sites
xx-georgia-xx 15 Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 nice one georgia cheers gilly heres another A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his sweetheart’s birthday, so he went to an expensive boutique, bought the finest gloves available and asked the saleswoman to have them delivered with a note. While wrapping the gloves, a clerk accidentally mixed up the order and sent a pair of panties instead. Here is the note the young man sent to his sweetheart: Darling, I chose these, because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have chosen long ones with buttons, but because your sister wears the short ones that are so easy to remove, I decided to get the same style for you. Although these are a delicate shade, the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on for me and they looked really smart. I wish I could be there to put them on for you for the first time. No doubt many other hands will touch them before I see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on while cleaning them so they don’t shrink. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you like them and will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love. P. S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Coney 3 Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 Nice one..needed a laugh after the day I've had. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
beaver76 1 Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 3 mice in a pub having a heavy discussion about who's the toughest mouse.1st mouse says he is,''i go up to the mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i benchpress it 30 times and throw it across the room!''2nd mouse says.''you poof! I get rat poison,crush into powder&snort it.''3rd mouse finishes his beer,gets up and walks to the door,where are you going?saked the other 2.''home to f**k the CAT Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ferret kid 5 Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun." The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic." "Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing. "What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!" "That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party." nice one georgia cheers gilly heres another A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his sweetheart’s birthday, so he went to an expensive boutique, bought the finest gloves available and asked the saleswoman to have them delivered with a note. While wrapping the gloves, a clerk accidentally mixed up the order and sent a pair of panties instead. Here is the note the young man sent to his sweetheart: Darling, I chose these, because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have chosen long ones with buttons, but because your sister wears the short ones that are so easy to remove, I decided to get the same style for you. Although these are a delicate shade, the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on for me and they looked really smart. I wish I could be there to put them on for you for the first time. No doubt many other hands will touch them before I see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on while cleaning them so they don’t shrink. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you like them and will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love. P. S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing here's one Hunter vs Bear A hunter is sitting in a tree overlooking a clearing when a bear walks right out into the middle. The hunter takes aim and fires, the bear goes down. He leaps from his perch, rushes down the trail and into the clearing. The bear is gone. The hunter is tapped on the shoulder, he turns to see the bear who says, "Alright hunter, you try to screw me, I'm going to screw you!" The bear then throws the hunter against a tree, pulls his pants down and has his way with him. The hunter, infuriated, goes to a gun shop and buys the biggest gun he can find and returns to his spot and waits until the bear appears again. He takes careful aim, fires and the bear goes down. Down the tree and through the trail he goes into the clearing only to find it empty. The hunter feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see the bear who says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you boy?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kash 1 Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 there's a labrador and a alsation in the vets waiting room and thier talking away when the subject on why they are ther crops up, labrador goes i'm here for the snip, they cant stop me humping anything in sight alsation goes thats a bit arsh! lab goes so why are you here? alsation says well my mistress just got out the bath & when she dropped the towel i couldn't resist & i had to give her one! lab' ah so you here for the snip to? alsation no way she's bought me to have my claws clipped! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
murraywatt 0 Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 what do u call a paki with 2 rabbits and a fox hanging off his belt? osama bin lampin Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MR TEA POT 1,287 Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 what do u call a paki with 2 rabbits and a fox hanging off his belt? osama bin lampin Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gilly-93 31 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 what do u call a paki with 2 rabbits and a fox hanging off his belt? osama bin lampin lmfao Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.