joke

[The one 8,483]

Jock takes his wife to casualty.She's no teeth a broken nose and two black eye's .Dr says "Whats happened ?" Jock Say's she was going threw the change". Dr say's "that doesnt happen with the change". Jock replies "It does when its inmy f*****g pockets ".

[rob the dog 0]

Q:-Whats a womans ring piece got in common with a 9v battery?

 

A:-You know it's wrong but sooner or later your gonna touch it with your toungue.

[rob the dog 0]

Ringo Starr is talking to Sir Paul about the tricky divorce settlement when he asks:

 

"So Paul, after all that's happened do you ever think you will go down on one knee again."

 

To which Macca replies

 

"No I doubt it and Ringo, for God's sake I'd prefer it if you called her Heather from now on".

[beaver76 1]

Man gets home,tells wife get me a beer before it starts' he drinks it then says'Quick get me another before it starts'She says'Listen here you lazy fat c**t,you walk in,sit down&start barking orders...He says'f**k me its started'''

[Beef 2]

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

 

The gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink thon water min, it's foo o' coo's shite n pish.'

 

The man replies, 'My good fellow, I'm English.... repeat that in English.'

 

The gamekeeper replies, 'I said use both hands - you get more that way.'

[beaver76 1]

Man gets home,tells wife get me a beer before it starts' he drinks it then says'Quick get me another before it starts'She says'Listen here you lazy fat c**t,you walk in,sit down&start barking orders...He says'f**k me its started'''

[MR TEA POT 1,287]

Police found paddy hanging from a tree with a white pillow case over his head

At the foot of tree there was a note.

It said "i found a lamp with a genie in it who gave me 3 wishes, the 1st wish i asked to be hung like a black man"

[Coney 3]

Love it keep the jokes comming nearly makes you forget about price of gas

 

 

[wats 0]

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

 

The gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink thon water min, it's foo o' coo's shite n pish.'

 

The man replies, 'My good fellow, I'm English.... repeat that in English.'

 

The gamekeeper replies, 'I said use both hands - you get more that way.'

murphy says, gonna miss the wife this weekend?

paddy, why wheres she going ?

murphy, nowhere, av just broke the sights on my rifle?

[wiz1243 0]

a man stoped at his favourite pub.he noticed a guy next to him order a shot and a beer . he drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. the guy done this several times. curious the man leand over to the guy and said excuse me i couldnt help notice your little ritual why on earth do you look into your shirt pocket when youve drank a shot and beer? the guy repiled theres a picture of my wife there and when she starts looking good im off home.

[.243joe 0]

,A farmer goes into town an buys a rooster, he takes it home an as soon as its out of its cage it runs into the hen house an screws every single one. the farmer who is in shock says,you crazy rooster your goin to kill yourself, as soon as he,s out of the hen house he spies a group of ducks an proceeds to screw every single one of them, not finished yet the rooster sees a group of geese an screws every one of them, stupid rooster, your gonna kick the bucket if you dont slow down says the farmer, then he goes inside for lunch, later that day he goes outside to check on the animals, an see,s the rooster dead as a doornail on his back, with a trio of buzzards circling over head, screwy animal, what did i tell you about slowing down, ? grumbles the farmer as he approaches the rooster, the rooster opens one eye an whispers,back off man, their getting closer

[bullet 125]

paddy goes for a job at the blacksmith, the smithy asks him if he's any good at shoe'ing horse's, paddy say's "well i once told a donky f*ckoff"!

[The one 8,483]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner but doesn't tell the kids what it is .He sayshe'll give them a clue " Its what mum calls me sometimes".The little girl screams dont eat it ! It's a f*****g arsehole

Edited July 20, 2008 by The one

[The one 8,483]

A vicar is having a wank in his bedroom as he finishes himself off he turns round to see the window cleaner staring at him .Red faced he rushes down the stairs as he hears a knock at the door."Iv'e done your windows , vicar .That will be a £100" says the window cleaner with a wink and a sly smirk. Hurriedly the vicar pays him and shuts the door .The vicar's wife who had been listening in yelled "£100 for four little small windows ? He must have seen you coming !"

[The one 8,483]

A man shouted to his wife come and look at my clock.She walk's in to find him naked with a hard on.She says thats not a clock. He said " It will be when you put two hands and a face on it "