Whats the best thing to wipe ye arse with when ye got nought?

[Guest pip]

my mate went for a crap in a club one night and used his good t shirt.We ended up at a party after and this lad says "oh aye wait till yous see the class t shirt i found tonight ",pulled out the mates t shirt of his jacket pocket,well soiled

[masmiffy 82]

Try Jewish bog paper!

 

All you need is a one inch (25cm) square of paper.

Could use the foil from a fag packed, if you can still afford to smoke!

Carefully fold in half then half again.

Tear out the non open corner and keep safely to one side.

Open out the square.

It now has a hole in the middle.

Insert finger through the hole and wipe arse with the finger.

Gather the paper round the finger and clean off shite!!!

Whats the corner bit for???

 

Use it to get the shite from under your nails!!!!

Edited May 12, 2008 by masmiffy

[Coney 3]

Try Jewish bog paper!

 

All you need is a one inch (25cm) square of paper.

Could use the foil from a fag packed, if you can still afford to smoke!

Carefully fold in half then half again.

Tear out the non open corner and keep safely to one side.

Open out the square.

It now has a hole in the middle.

Insert finger through the hole and wipe arse with the finger.

Gather the paper round the finger and clean off shite!!!.

Whats the corner bit for???

 

Use it to get the shite from under your nails!!!!

 

AHH an educated man, well done

[shotup 9]

this time of year try catching a lamb with a full tail, push lambs tail up your anus while holding lamb and then clench cheeks and release lamb ,slowly unclench and all nastyness will be removed. old shepard told me that one

[comanche 3,032]

this time of year try catching a lamb with a full tail, push lambs tail up your anus while holding lamb and then clench cheeks and release lamb ,slowly unclench and all nastyness will be removed. old shepard told me that one

Was this just before he looked down and announced "Oh look my willie seems to be a bit dirty perhaps you would help me clean it".

[gsi2000stokie 5]

just let the dog lick ye ass hole. they always eating shite anyways!

 

have you logged into the wrong forum again Stokie :laugh:

:oops:

[Guest beddy whippet collie]

I always try to bring a 'field reserve' toilet roll. You never know when you are gonna need it

 

So what works best?

 

Any other Trench Defecators willing to share some time won wisdom and fieldcraft?

shirt pocket is a good one , rip and wipe

[leegreen 2,173]

Last time i had to i was walking between 2 woods past the back of a house about 100yrds away,rumble RUMBLE,thinking someone was watching fromthe house and not wanting to look suspicious by running i clenched and walked back to the wood i had came from.Perfect log.toilet height,begs down and PURE RELIEF,hopped of the log used my kitchen roll which was good and moist,and looked round and the dog had ate the lot,and there was a lot.Now if carlsnerg did crap'onaturel,

 

I have also seen my friends dog eat another friends fresh shite and we laughed so much, the owner of the dog chased it shouting and trying to boot it, fecking hilarious.

[cúagusgiorraí 57]

HA VERY BAD USE YOUR HAND WASH IT WHEN YOU GET HOME

 

Amongst Muslims, and in some societies including India, it is customary to use the left hand for cleaning oneself with water after defecating. The right hand is commonly known in contradistinction from the left, as the hand used for eating.

 

So when you meet a muslim dont shake with your left hand.....

[Guest oldskool]

IRISH BOG ROLL

 

 

 

 

[Guest jimbobsweeney]

when i was a wee gasur i went at the back of the shed in school. i used me hand. i told a lad it was nutella.

[heatmeiser 0]

My weekly copy of the Angling Times has served me well over the years.

 

Reading and wiping in one handy package. Smashing.

[Malt 379]

If you take your trousers down, as far as you can, then squat, pull your arse cheeks as wide as possible, you shouldn't have any left to wipe. I read it in a SAS book somewhere, but it's common sense when you think about it, I don't seem to recall of any fossilised Andrex turning up in any caves that humans once lived in!

[maty j 6]

If you take your trousers down, as far as you can, then squat, pull your arse cheeks as wide as possible, you shouldn't have any left to wipe. I read it in a SAS book somewhere, but it's common sense when you think about it, I don't seem to recall of any fossilised Andrex turning up in any caves that humans once lived in!

 

common misconception - it does cut down but you'll still end up with skids if you dont floss well enough. perhaps they just went round with dangle berrys :sick:

[Malt 379]

If you take your trousers down, as far as you can, then squat, pull your arse cheeks as wide as possible, you shouldn't have any left to wipe. I read it in a SAS book somewhere, but it's common sense when you think about it, I don't seem to recall of any fossilised Andrex turning up in any caves that humans once lived in!

 

common misconception - it does cut down but you'll still end up with skids if you dont floss well enough. perhaps they just went round with dangle berrys :sick:

You mean like some sort of 'Caveman Clinkers?'