redrobin 6 Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 Austrian man plans on marrying a girl from the neighbouring village.He tells his father "shes a virgin" father says ........"ditch her son , if shes not good enough for her own family shes not good enough for mine." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurcher93 2 Posted April 29, 2008 Report Share Posted April 29, 2008 i am in tears :11: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
redrobin 6 Posted April 30, 2008 Report Share Posted April 30, 2008 Two irishmen on their first holiday to florida are camping in the everglades and they see an alligator with a guys head and arms sticking out of its mouth. Paddy turns to Mick and says :jaysis mick , would ye look at that flash c..nt in the lacoste sleeping bag. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jacob 28 Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 a man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife. starts sliding his hand slowly across her shoulders then down her side just glancing her breasts then carries on down her side and legs. he slides her legs apartand slowly runs his hand up and down the inner side of her thighs. he slows and moves back towards the top and stops as his wife gasps "why have you stopped?"he replies "ive found the remote. go back to sleep". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 eton john went to tattooist and said i want a rools royce tattooed on my penishe saidyou'd be better off with a land rover it wont get stuck in the shit Hope you don't mind me putting on the longer version. Elton John gets given a brand new Bentley which he falls in love with,he likes it that much that he goes to see his tattooist and asks him to tattoo the word Bentley on his c ck. The tattoo artist takes one look at Eltons c ck and says "there's no way I can tattoo Bentley on that". "Why not?" says a miffed Elton. "There's not enough room" replies the tattooist,who then says "if you want I can tattoo 4x4 on your c ck instead". "What the feck would I want 4x4 on there for?" shouted Elton. "Well" said the tattooist " if you get stuck in the shit it will help to pull you out." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SEAN3513 7 Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 (edited) tom,dick and harry..three farm hand brothers from out in the sticks..get sent in to town for a haircut and some new boots... tom and harry have size 14 feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but,..........dick has size 18 feet!!!!!!!!!!! anyway.......tom and harry have their haircut and go to get their new boots.....leaving dick at the barbers. the sales assistant in the shoe shoe shop says to tom and harry..........BLIMEY look at the size of your feet.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they say .................thats nowt love ...................you should see the size of our DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!! Edited May 1, 2008 by SEAN3513 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 A naked man, looks in the mirror and says to his wife.."why do i always get a hard on when i look in the mirror"????.. His wife says "coz your a c**t"!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted May 1, 2008 Report Share Posted May 1, 2008 A jelly baby goes into doctors with licqorice on his willy. The doctor says "what have you been up to"? The jelly baby replied "fecking allsorts". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scotty 0 Posted May 2, 2008 Report Share Posted May 2, 2008 A man says to his wife "get ready you, mr and the dog are going fishing" the wife says she doesnt wan to go. Man give her three choices fishin, blowjob or take it up the arse. Wife choose blowjob, after sucking for a while the wife says your cock tastes of s**t. He says "I know . the dog didnt want to go fishing either." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scotty 0 Posted May 2, 2008 Report Share Posted May 2, 2008 A man goes to a 24hour garage late at night and says to the girl at the window " can i have a kitkat chunky" the girl walks off and returns with the kitkat chunky "no" says the man "i wanted a normal kitkat you fat c**t" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
foxcub 0 Posted May 12, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 12, 2008 A man goes to a 24hour garage late at night and says to the girl at the window " can i have a kitkat chunky" the girl walks off and returns with the kitkat chunky "no" says the man "i wanted a normal kitkat you fat c**t" i like that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Coney 3 Posted May 12, 2008 Report Share Posted May 12, 2008 paddy`s in jail. mick looks in his cell and sees him hangin by his feet . mick says [bANNED TEXT] the fek u doin. killin my self says paddy.mick replies it should be round your neck. paddy says i tryed that but i couldent fekin breath. Quality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rob the dog 0 Posted May 12, 2008 Report Share Posted May 12, 2008 Q. Why are Chavs like slinkies? A. They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cymruguy69 5 Posted May 12, 2008 Report Share Posted May 12, 2008 A Man Wanted to show his love for his wife has her name tattoed on his dick it read Wendy when hard but only WY when soft While on holiday in jamica he's taking a piss and notices a very tall black man next to him also has WY on his dick. "Your wifes name is wendy to isit?" He says to him "No What are you on bout man" The jamacan replies "Well you have WY like me on your dick" Queries the White man The Jamaican replies "That reads Welcome to Jamaica Have a very nice Holiday" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cymruguy69 5 Posted May 12, 2008 Report Share Posted May 12, 2008 (edited) A Woman is Walking through Manchester Pushing a pram when a big angry dog jumps out as its about to mall the baby a man tackles the dog and breaks its neck. A Reporter runs accross the road and says I'm a sports reporter but I have to right about this as I am a eye witness!!! What shall I right "Manchester United supporter saves baby" The Man replies " I don't support manu" "Ok" says the reporter "Manchester City Supporter saves baby" "I Don't support them either" replies the man "OK Who Do you support then???" "I Support Liverpool" Ok the Reporter Replies It will be in tommorows paper The man picks up the paper in the morning and it reads "SCOUSE B****RD KILLS DOG" Edited May 12, 2008 by cymruguy69 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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