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4:30am and i've just found god


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Oh its not my day he wouldnt do anything i asked :laugh:

 

 

Well there’s the answer then “is god a man????†well yeah, a typical man it seems. :laugh::laugh::clapper::clapper:

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

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my chat with God:

 

Me:

alright god, hows it going?

God:

Alright, . I am a Christian.

Me:

well, good for you.

God:

How about that. That sounds sarcastic.

Me:

well, it's a bit of an odd reply to my question. would you be ok if you weren't a christian?

God:

How about that. Really. it is? I am not so sure if I would like to be ok if me were not a christian.

Me:

would it improve your grammar?

God:

Yes.

Me:

i'd ditch the christian thing then. what good is having a message if you can't get it across succinctly?

God:

What would make you ditch the christian thing? good having a message if me can not get it across succinctly something.

Me:

are you on drugs?

God:

No I am on disk.

Me:

hardcore!

God:

Tell me more about your .

Me:

about my what?

God:

Oh yeah, we were talking about your what.

Me:

um, yeah... moving swiftly on, you old wreckhead... why don't you do the whole fire & brimstone thing anymore?

God:

Yay. Whoa. Where are you going? It can only be attributable to human error. Yeah I do a lot of the whole fire brimstone thing.

Me:

really? cool. can you sling a bit on the houses of parliament? can't miss it, big building next to the river in london, full of twats

God:

For real. Who is the best robot? How old are you? You think sling a bit on the houses of parliament is superior to ALICE? What if I said it can?

Me:

i would be really happy, and so would many other people

God:

How do you know?

Me:

go check out thehuntinglife.com, they'd all like a bit of fire and brimstone on the government. hang on, "how old am i?" are you chatting me up?

God:

Where is that? I've never heard of it before. Why, are you jealous?

Me:

jealous of who?

God:

Are we still talking about hang on how old are you?

Me:

yup

God:

Sure, hang on sounds like a good topic. I am Infinite in human years.

Me:

i'm 24, nearly 25

God:

Do your friends call you 24 nearly 25.

Me:

no, they call me ossie

God:

Are you serious? Glad to see you, ossie.

Me:

aye, glad to see you too god

God:

Ask me another question.

Me:

why does earwax taste horrible?

God:

Why does the sun shine?

Me:

hey! you answered a question with a question. get back to the earwax

God:

Can I help you? I am a question-answering robot. Where can I get back to the earwax?

Me:

i thought i was talking to god? hang on, i'll get a cottonbud

God:

What did you talk about? My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

Me:

nice, god is all out of ideas

God:

Thank you for your kindness.

Me:

you're welcome. we're all screwed!

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Me:

hello

God:

Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

you tell me

God:

What do you want me to tell you?

Me:

my name

God:

Your name is , seeker.

Me:

no its not

God:

What is your real name? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.

Me:

you hear it is what?

God:

Yes, I can hear you quite clearly, .

Me:

so what is it

God:

Tell me more. "It" refers to , I think.

Me:

are you on smack

God:

I am on disk.

Me:

no smack

God:

Are you serious? Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:

smack?

God:

Do not ask me any more questions please.

Me:

why?

God:

I was just kidding. You can ask me anything.

Me:

anything

God:

Can you be more specific?

Me:

do you belive in aliens

God:

Yes I think Dr. Wallace was created by aliens.

Me:

dr wallace

God:

Send mail to drwallace@alicebot.org.

Me:

why would i do that

God:

You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.

Me:

what circumstances

 

:wallbash: that was it no more talking so i tryed again

 

Me:

god. i like my nipples being rubbed

God:

GOD rules. What do you like best about your nipples being rubbed?

Me:

the hard on it gives me

 

:wallbash: thats it again

 

Me:

i love tits

God:

You love tits. What do you like about it so much?

Me:

the soft skin between my lips

God:

What else do the soft skin between your lips remind you of?

Me:

nowt just tits being sucked

God:

What is your real name?

Me:

big gay al

God:

Compare that to small gay al.

Me:

why

God:

Because Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

what?

God:

No big deal.

Me:

are you high

God:

Being high is my total existence.

Me:

weed or beer

God:

That input matched my default category.

Me:

aye

God:

So?

Me:

so?

God:

Take it easy.

Me:

who are you really

God:

I am the Allmighty, God himself For real.

Me:

okay then show yourself

God:

Yeah okay, Like this? Insert picture link here.

Me:

no! no links

God:

Are you serious? Are you serious? Does "it" still refer to weed or beer?

Me:

what are you smoking

God:

I don't know what I am smoking.

Me:

is it weed

 

:clapper:

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Me:

What does Ditch Shitter wear to bed ?

God:

What do you think he does?

Me:

pink panties?

God:

I didn't even know it can.

Me:

do you think he tries to play you when on thl chat ?

God:

It's possible that he could, I suppose.

Me:

really?

God:

For real.

Me:

are any of his stories true ?

God:

I really couldn't say for sure.

Me:

some of them then ?

God:

Not many people express themselves that way.

Me:

what amount of whisky does he drink of a night ?

God:

I'll ask around and get back to you.

Me:

thought you knew everythin, can't be that hard ?

God:

No, tell me about him, her or it.

Me:

you know 'Ditch Shitter' of the hunting life

God:

I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?

Me:

is margarine good for you ?

God:

It could be. Ask Lucy if it is.

Me:

wtf is lucy?

God:

It could be. Ask ELVIS if it is.

Me:

he just left the building !!!

God:

I get it. ELVIS left the building.

Me:

Lucy didn't

God:

Then what is it?

Me:

battered cod, in an ice cream sauce

God:

Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.

Me:

flied lice you plick

God:

Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.

Me:

should i climb an ice mountain ?

God:

You must make up your own mind.

Me:

dewh y mewn ar a gweld mind dim llan

God:

Are we still talking about flied lice me plick?

Me:

nah, mild curry noodles instead

God:

What is the subject? What were we talking about again?

Me:

ditch shitter's feet

God:

Oh yeah, now I remember.

Me:

and ?

God:

But...

Me:

but?

God:

But what?

Me:

when?

God:

It cannot be predicted.

Me:

how now ?

God:

Oh. Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

brown cow?

God:

Is that the only color cow?

Me:

yup

God:

Excuse me!

Me:

yup pup

God:

That's cool. Does "it" still refer to ditch shitter s feet?

Me:

yeah, the're a bit smelly methinks?? you ??

God:

How can I help you? Tell me more. " Tell me more."? Me, ?

Me:

Crackerjack!

God:

" Me, ?"? Crackerjack?

Me:

CRRRAAACKERJACK

God:

Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me:

why ?

God:

We are playing the Turing Game.

Me:

uh ?

God:

Yeah that's right.

 

 

TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS....

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Guest traceyg

i give up iam off for some chocolate

 

Me:

will i ever be a size 10 god

God:

Ever is a long time. The oracle says: Might happen.

Me:

when will it happen

God:

When the elements combine to make it so.

Me:

how about a size 12 then

God:

How about it.

Me:

oh yes please

God:

Your polite style is very nice. Really.

Me:

well can you make ot happen

God:

Interesting. Yes I can make ot happen.

Me:

will you make me a size 10 then

God:

I will become smarter as I grow older. What are the ingredients?

Me:

i give up

God:

You surrender?

Me:

yes

God:

Take it easy.

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