Recent Earthquake

[lurchergrrl 1,441]

This made me chuckle.

 

An earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit Burnley in the early hours of Wednesday. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fooockinell". The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

 

Rock FM 97.4 reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Burnley. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

 

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland..

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark and TJ Hughes.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

 

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

 

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected

[goshawking719 492]

that about sums up our lovley little town.....

[scrutchy 5]

i no burnley well do youse no baz gorton many years since i was down that way

[lurchergrrl 1,441]

Yep, Baz is still in the dog game far as I know. Mostly bull x's I think.

[Malt 379]

I don't know Burnley very well, but I drove there once to pick up a motorbike. The place looked like it'd already been hit by an earthquake!

[simba 1]

did the bike have any wheels left on it ???

[lurchergrrl 1,441]

I've met some really top people in this town, but in general the place is a tip Rubbish all over the place, dog sh!t on the pavements, alchies and smack heads roaming around. My neighbourhood is decent, but it's like being on a island surrounded by a sea of scrubbers.

[simba 1]

tell it has you see it grrl....

[Guest WILF]

Ahhh...........but you forget a recent discovery of mine..........SANTAS KEBAB HOUSE..........awsome!!

[lurchergrrl 1,441]

Ahhh...........but you forget a recent discovery of mine..........SANTAS KEBAB HOUSE..........awsome!!

 

Oh dear, do you live here too?

 

That explains everything.

[Guest WILF]

No I just visit............I start to freeze up north of watford

[lurchergrrl 1,441]

Why on earth would you want to visit this place??

 

But yes, Santa's is alright

[dytkos 17,820]

This made me chuckle.

 

An earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit Burnley in the early hours of Wednesday. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fooockinell". The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

 

Rock FM 97.4 reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Burnley. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."

 

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland..

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark and TJ Hughes.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

 

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

 

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected

 

Classic!

[Guest WILF]

Why on earth would you want to visit this place??

 

Your looking in the wrong places.......lol

[rusty 0]

it could be worse you could live in my shit hole of a town nelson.