does anyone know any good jokes

[fluke 0]

BLONDE JOKES

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

 

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a petrol station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

 

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

 

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

 

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

 

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

 

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

 

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

 

FINALLY, ONE ABOUT DOGS!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!

 

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain? A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet? A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

Q. Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio? A. It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.

[6pack 60]

Being a blonde - I love blonde jokes.

 

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

 

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

 

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

 

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

 

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

 

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

[fluke 0]

she must have dyed her hair

[Malt 379]

What's the best glue in the world?

 

 

 

 

 

Spunk, have you ever seen a baby fall apart?

[alvaflyer 0]

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

 

 

The Italian customs officer stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro!"

 

"Vot do you mean, it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

 

"Quattro means four!" replies the Italian official.

 

"Quattro iz just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly.

"Look at ze dam paperz: Ze car is dezigned to carry 5 people!"

 

"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer."Quattro meansa four. You havea five-a people ina your car and you are therefore breaking the law!"

 

The German replies angrily "You ideeiot! Call ze zupervizor over! ... Schnell! I vont to spik to zumvun viz more intelligence!!!"

 

"Sorry" responds the Italian, "He canta comea ... He'sa buzy witha two guys in a Fiat Uno."