No fuucking around on this topic

[tatsblisters 10,312]

Loosing a child as well as both parents plus a few very good mates all of them I will have the odd thought about them most days usually by reading or seeing something that will remind of them though i don't sit there drinking or pondering too much as making myself feeling depressed won't bring them back and it's something they wouldn't want me to do anyway. 

[WILF 47,639]

If anything reading the terribly sad story’s on this thread should make you all feel like you ain’t alone.

Theres story’s here that would have most men unable to stand up in the morning, crushing…..and yet ordinary every day blokes find a way to carry on.

Nobody can take another blokes pain away but this thread is testiment to the fact that people just like “you” can find a way to cope and live and contribute some kindness to the world…..that’s the very best way to honour someone imho. 

[byron 1,189]

Death

I lost my missus with the cancer six years past.i had her on the oil.the best black stuff.[no thc)id gone to stonehenge on the winter solstice.dunno.trying to look for answers i suppose.and got talking  with a van dweller.he put me on to cannabis brothers in suffolk.use to buy it from them.when things started to get unrepairable july time.i nursed her my self at home.i forced the powers to be,to supply one of those special beds.she was on a syringe driver.i would not let any mcmillan nurses any were near her.(sign the book and piss off i told them)but in a jokingly forcefull way..i found the district nurses, who mixed the drugs for the syringe driver ok.she went blind and deaf with it.bless her,she even contracted shingles.all the top people came round to see how I fed her.changed her etc.i even had to put a nappy on her..fxcking degrading..know one knew what to do.i got sick of everyone saying put her in the hospice.even our doctor came out.(doctors dont come out anymore,like when i was young) even he said, put her in the hospice.nah,i was never gonna let that happen.i became her doctor.even administering morphine etc. But you do what you do.i know she would have done the same for me.you fight that losing fxcking battle towards the end on adrenaline.but eventually you realise it's all in vain.a chap who had lost his wife told me two or three months after she passed [you never get over it.but.you start to get your head around it).he was right..

The aftermath.

I had to have meetings with cancer doctors and a independent chap who taped everything.wanted me to sue the hospital etc.because of everything that went on..old school I wouldn't  do that.sent me to see a phycologist at the hospice. independent  woman from Leeds University. It was still to raw for me.

But I remember waiting to see the phycologist on the third meeting.i packed it in after this visit.i was going know where with it. it was right near christmas.and they was putting a puppet show on. I was sat at the side and could see everything they was doing to make the puppets dance etc snowmen puppets with jesters hats on. snow foam machine and that.and then a trolly bed with a little kiddie layed in it.with his parents pushing it.and I remember thinking how them parents was feeling.i decided there and then. to try and get a grip on my feelings etc..

 

The trouble was...I totally went of the rails when she passed.i was diagnosed with ptsd.caused thru.they told me.what had gone on.i didn't give a fxck about anything.i would argue and face up to anyone.and thats the truth.i got a ten year ban from one pub.it was a shit show.trouble was, every one seemed to get in me face.and now matter what know one was gonna hurt me  because of what i went thru.i see life different now.what is it.ya not lonely,your alone.just me,the dog and me singing bird.im sorta happy in a way. living in me camper at the moment.ya learn to plod on..I learnt to build a wall with it all in my mind.but all the happy times.mixed in with the horror and sadness.but I have sorta got me head around it now, I've even shed some tears writing this.i don't even know if I ever grieved.

and so mushroom and every one. I share your sadness.and good luck.

[cragman 2,791]

I’ve learnt to manage it. If you think about it too much, too deeply, you’ll go downhill. I remember loved ones at the right time for me and think “there but for the grace of god…” I’m still here, I can’t do anything about what happened to them but I can bring them to life briefly by remembering good times and that helps. Look around you, everyone is carrying thoughts like this, but we have to keep moving forward. Get on with your life, lead it the best way you can and go out with no regrets Good luck mush 

[Borr 6,464]

35 minutes ago, byron said:

Death

I lost my missus with the cancer six years past.i had her on the oil.the best black stuff.[no thc)id gone to stonehenge on the winter solstice.dunno.trying to look for answers i suppose.and got talking  with a van dweller.he put me on to cannabis brothers in suffolk.use to buy it from them.when things started to get unrepairable july time.i nursed her my self at home.i forced the powers to be,to supply one of those special beds.she was on a syringe driver.i would not let any mcmillan nurses any were near her.(sign the book and piss off i told them)but in a jokingly forcefull way..i found the district nurses, who mixed the drugs for the syringe driver ok.she went blind and deaf with it.bless her,she even contracted shingles.all the top people came round to see how I fed her.changed her etc.i even had to put a nappy on her..fxcking degrading..know one knew what to do.i got sick of everyone saying put her in the hospice.even our doctor came out.(doctors dont come out anymore,like when i was young) even he said, put her in the hospice.nah,i was never gonna let that happen.i became her doctor.even administering morphine etc. But you do what you do.i know she would have done the same for me.you fight that losing fxcking battle towards the end on adrenaline.but eventually you realise it's all in vain.a chap who had lost his wife told me two or three months after she passed [you never get over it.but.you start to get your head around it).he was right..

The aftermath.

I had to have meetings with cancer doctors and a independent chap who taped everything.wanted me to sue the hospital etc.because of everything that went on..old school I wouldn't  do that.sent me to see a phycologist at the hospice. independent  woman from Leeds University. It was still to raw for me.

But I remember waiting to see the phycologist on the third meeting.i packed it in after this visit.i was going know where with it. it was right near christmas.and they was putting a puppet show on. I was sat at the side and could see everything they was doing to make the puppets dance etc snowmen puppets with jesters hats on. snow foam machine and that.and then a trolly bed with a little kiddie layed in it.with his parents pushing it.and I remember thinking how them parents was feeling.i decided there and then. to try and get a grip on my feelings etc..

 

The trouble was...I totally went of the rails when she passed.i was diagnosed with ptsd.caused thru.they told me.what had gone on.i didn't give a fxck about anything.i would argue and face up to anyone.and thats the truth.i got a ten year ban from one pub.it was a shit show.trouble was, every one seemed to get in me face.and now matter what know one was gonna hurt me  because of what i went thru.i see life different now.what is it.ya not lonely,your alone.just me,the dog and me singing bird.im sorta happy in a way. living in me camper at the moment.ya learn to plod on..I learnt to build a wall with it all in my mind.but all the happy times.mixed in with the horror and sadness.but I have sorta got me head around it now, I've even shed some tears writing this.i don't even know if I ever grieved.

and so mushroom and every one. I share your sadness.and good luck.

Fair play for having the enormous strength to do all that. Be proud of yourself coming out the other side of an impossibly difficult time. Be kind to yourself and trust in some of your actions and forgive yourself others. Might be worth seeing if you can have someone else try to help with PTSD. Hope you get your self sorted .

[waltjnr 7,026]

1 hour ago, byron said:

Death

I lost my missus with the cancer six years past.i had her on the oil.the best black stuff.[no thc)id gone to stonehenge on the winter solstice.dunno.trying to look for answers i suppose.and got talking  with a van dweller.he put me on to cannabis brothers in suffolk.use to buy it from them.when things started to get unrepairable july time.i nursed her my self at home.i forced the powers to be,to supply one of those special beds.she was on a syringe driver.i would not let any mcmillan nurses any were near her.(sign the book and piss off i told them)but in a jokingly forcefull way..i found the district nurses, who mixed the drugs for the syringe driver ok.she went blind and deaf with it.bless her,she even contracted shingles.all the top people came round to see how I fed her.changed her etc.i even had to put a nappy on her..fxcking degrading..know one knew what to do.i got sick of everyone saying put her in the hospice.even our doctor came out.(doctors dont come out anymore,like when i was young) even he said, put her in the hospice.nah,i was never gonna let that happen.i became her doctor.even administering morphine etc. But you do what you do.i know she would have done the same for me.you fight that losing fxcking battle towards the end on adrenaline.but eventually you realise it's all in vain.a chap who had lost his wife told me two or three months after she passed [you never get over it.but.you start to get your head around it).he was right..

The aftermath.

I had to have meetings with cancer doctors and a independent chap who taped everything.wanted me to sue the hospital etc.because of everything that went on..old school I wouldn't  do that.sent me to see a phycologist at the hospice. independent  woman from Leeds University. It was still to raw for me.

But I remember waiting to see the phycologist on the third meeting.i packed it in after this visit.i was going know where with it. it was right near christmas.and they was putting a puppet show on. I was sat at the side and could see everything they was doing to make the puppets dance etc snowmen puppets with jesters hats on. snow foam machine and that.and then a trolly bed with a little kiddie layed in it.with his parents pushing it.and I remember thinking how them parents was feeling.i decided there and then. to try and get a grip on my feelings etc..

 

The trouble was...I totally went of the rails when she passed.i was diagnosed with ptsd.caused thru.they told me.what had gone on.i didn't give a fxck about anything.i would argue and face up to anyone.and thats the truth.i got a ten year ban from one pub.it was a shit show.trouble was, every one seemed to get in me face.and now matter what know one was gonna hurt me  because of what i went thru.i see life different now.what is it.ya not lonely,your alone.just me,the dog and me singing bird.im sorta happy in a way. living in me camper at the moment.ya learn to plod on..I learnt to build a wall with it all in my mind.but all the happy times.mixed in with the horror and sadness.but I have sorta got me head around it now, I've even shed some tears writing this.i don't even know if I ever grieved.

and so mushroom and every one. I share your sadness.and good luck.

I know there is no words of pity ,sorrow ,for what you've been through, would be an insult to say anything, you loved your woman and did everything you could for her ,reading your post puts ,just having a shit week in perspective, I wish you peace and happiness eventually 

[Bangersanmash 3,381]

23 hours ago, gnasher16 said:

Bit raw for me this one after the year ive just had.....having lost the most precious person in the world to me last year and hitting absolute rock bottom im only just starting to realise that in order to truly honour that person you have to carry on and live your life in a way they would have wanted you to.....we're all different i guess but expert professional help was of absolutely no use to me at all....after pushing everybody away for months ive found the familiar faces your most used to being around are the biggest experts as they know how you tick but im not expecting the actual heartbreak to ease any time soon,just good days and bad days.

This whole grieving caper is certainly a test ive miserably failed and showed nothing but weakness so far..... i wish you the best of strength Mush and happy memories of the person you lost in order to have some positivity to carry forward.....bless you mate.

True words my grandfathers 89 my grandmother 87. I've lost one grandmother on my Dads side. But my grandfather has been like a second father to me. With me being first born grandson. Spent alot of time with him. A was in tears other day. Looking at him in kitchen after my sister got photos out. He turned around from reading his paper an asked me what's up. But a couldn't say. It's about you Grandad an thinking about us losing you. He'd of hit the roof . But from the images of me with him as a kid. It hit home that were not here forever. An a don't know how I'm going to cope. I'm just glad I've got the miss an kids. Because I'd most probably end up on a bender an locked up. But I'm glad you've pulled through mate. 

[mC HULL 13,614]

On 14/02/2025 at 18:36, mel b said:

Have a f***ing good cry mush . It'll help more than anything else in the world mate .

You know the boys don't cry thing , we'll it's a load of bollocks.

just not infrontvof any c**t aye them long walks with the mutt help you clear your head no end 

[mushroom 13,257]

Thank you lads.

I’ve spent the day balling my eyes out, scaring people with my attitude, yelling, getting beat by the mrs at pool, forcing myself to eat, nearly threw the fridge out of the window coz it packed up and I’m pretty sure Spotify knows how to piss me off coz the song I had to carry our kid too just randomly came on in a rock list. My mum has Alzheimers so I can’t talk to her about it because it makes it like it just happened again for her. My mrs has been my rock today and kept me out of bother. My head is battered yet you lads have shared your hearts and helped keep me sane.. thank you.

[gnasher16 30,470]

On 15/02/2025 at 20:21, mushroom said:

Thank you lads.

I’ve spent the day balling my eyes out, scaring people with my attitude, yelling, getting beat by the mrs at pool, forcing myself to eat, nearly threw the fridge out of the window coz it packed up and I’m pretty sure Spotify knows how to piss me off coz the song I had to carry our kid too just randomly came on in a rock list. My mum has Alzheimers so I can’t talk to her about it because it makes it like it just happened again for her. My mrs has been my rock today and kept me out of bother. My head is battered yet you lads have shared your hearts and helped keep me sane.. thank you.

Hope you're doing ok mate.....probably like yourself i have folk around me who try to be kind and supportive who you push away in an attempt to take it on the chin and try to just endure the pain alone but im gradually learning that it does help to listen to people....a quote someone said to me a while ago that stuck with me as something to hold onto is that " Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love "...wish you the best pal.

[tatsblisters 10,312]

On 15/02/2025 at 19:46, mC HULL said:

just not infrontvof any c**t aye them long walks with the mutt help you clear your head no end 

Dare say it's been a life saver to many a dog man when the black dog pays them a visit just glad it fecks off after a wile. 

[mC HULL 13,614]

13 minutes ago, tatsblisters said:

Dare say it's been a life saver to many a dog man when the black dog pays them a visit just glad it fecks off after a wile. 

the hard parts watching the kids grow who were baines mate you should be as close as out with but your not you keep your distance sub consciously because it triggers memory’s that’s the hardest part for me 

[tatsblisters 10,312]

15 minutes ago, mC HULL said:

the hard parts watching the kids grow who were baines mate you should be as close as out with but your not you keep your distance sub consciously because it triggers memory’s that’s the hardest part for me 

It's one of the best feelings in the world though for me mate now both my daughters are grown up and turned out to be good hard working mothers then along comes grandkids to worry about.  

[mC HULL 13,614]

3 minutes ago, tatsblisters said:

It's one of the best feelings in the world though for me mate now both my daughters are grown up and turned out to be good hard working mothers then along comes grandkids to worry about.  

i was meaning his daughter mate not  mine