No fuucking around on this topic

[mushroom 13,261]

I’ve never and can’t get over the death of my little brother. 14 years old and the last time I saw him was on the slab. Looking like an Inanimate doll! I’m able to push it out of my mind 363 days a year but his birthday and the anniversary of his death still haunt me 18 years later. 
 

How do you all who have dealt with similar, manage to stay sane on the significant days? I falta every year on the same two dates. 

[Borr 6,466]

Sorry to hear that mate. I don't think you get over that. Not that I've experienced such loss , but I think I've focused on the living and without being patronising I always say that people live on in memory and sharing stuff about them. We're exposed to death more as we get older but it doesn't make loss easier. Have a beer for him and give me a shout if you want some abuse.

[Arry 22,513]

Its a hard one mate. Ive had a two really bad days like that that I won't go on about again.

I tell imagine  how would they want me to behave and live my life. I'm sure they would say you have your life to live so go live it but don't forget me.

Thats exactly how I have coped.

All the best mate.

Arry

[riohog 5,750]

i have the abilityto switch it off in my head  ,you just cant grieve forever ,you just have to accept there gone and get through .

[THE STIFFMEISTER 16,204]

Bless you for sharing that mate . What I will say is That I’ve seen things that would shred a lot of people mentally and I’ve buckled with things that others take in Their stride . There’s no rising scale of traumatic events and impact , each is individual and personalised to you . 
 

Trauma is an aspect that wears many faces , for some it’s a memory that spurs people to greater heights . For some it’s a rock that pulls them down . What  I will say with my own black dog thoughts is that they dogged me for a long time , it was constantly in the back of my mind and was the last thing I thought about and the first thing when I woke up. I destroyed many an occasion that should have been happy with my struggle to keep my thoughts contained . 
 

people will tell you time is a healer and whilst it may dim for some , for me it didn’t do a thing . What I will say is that the only way I developed a coping mechanism was with professional help . If you feel this is affecting you to the extent you say , that is the only port of call . Believe me . 
 

I wish you the very very best with This and remember that there are people in the world who will help . Keep your head up . 

[Bangersanmash 3,389]

1 hour ago, mushroom said:

I’ve never and can’t get over the death of my little brother. 14 years old and the last time I saw him was on the slab. Looking like an Inanimate doll! I’m able to push it out of my mind 363 days a year but his birthday and the anniversary of his death still haunt me 18 years later. 
 

How do you all who have dealt with similar, manage to stay sane on the significant days? I falta every year on the same two dates. 

It's a hard one this mate because you've lost your brother at a young age. So many out there will have lost loved ones that's lived to a decent age like our grandparents , parents. But for someone so young no age. It's heart breaking. I lost my grandmother few years back now. My father asked me if I was going to chapel of rest to visit her with my bother an father. At first a didn't want to go , but family said go with your father for support. Never in my life before have I seen anyone in the cheap of rest. Its an out of body experience because my grandmother looked as though she was sleeping but cold to touch. But I knew she was in the right place with my grandfather. He past away when my father was 12 years of age. So my grandmother had been on her own for over 30 odd year so she managed too get through with support from family. Just keep the good memories mate an family close. The good times. My good times was my grandmother saying go in kitchen get ya self a penguin biscuit lol. Live on the b*****ds. Just glad she got to see my boys at a young age. Atb mate 

[WILF 47,661]

2 hours ago, mushroom said:

I’ve never and can’t get over the death of my little brother. 14 years old and the last time I saw him was on the slab. Looking like an Inanimate doll! I’m able to push it out of my mind 363 days a year but his birthday and the anniversary of his death still haunt me 18 years later. 
 

How do you all who have dealt with similar, manage to stay sane on the significant days? I falta every year on the same two dates. 

I’d say your experience is completely normal and to be embraced as such mate.

Look it in the eye, shake it by the hand and understand that it ain’t staying, it’s just visiting. 

[waltjnr 7,030]

As a horrible cnt  was gonna say " light a tea candle ,play his favourite tune " but when I think of loosing my brother, I just don't know how I'd cope, I'd loose the plot ,so sorry for your loss ,

[gnasher16 30,470]

Bit raw for me this one after the year ive just had.....having lost the most precious person in the world to me last year and hitting absolute rock bottom im only just starting to realise that in order to truly honour that person you have to carry on and live your life in a way they would have wanted you to.....we're all different i guess but expert professional help was of absolutely no use to me at all....after pushing everybody away for months ive found the familiar faces your most used to being around are the biggest experts as they know how you tick but im not expecting the actual heartbreak to ease any time soon,just good days and bad days.

This whole grieving caper is certainly a test ive miserably failed and showed nothing but weakness so far..... i wish you the best of strength Mush and happy memories of the person you lost in order to have some positivity to carry forward.....bless you mate.

[NEWKID 27,530]

3 hours ago, mushroom said:

I’ve never and can’t get over the death of my little brother. 14 years old and the last time I saw him was on the slab. Looking like an Inanimate doll! I’m able to push it out of my mind 363 days a year but his birthday and the anniversary of his death still haunt me 18 years later. 
 

How do you all who have dealt with similar, manage to stay sane on the significant days? I falta every year on the same two dates. 

Jeez mate, that's sad..

My brother is my best mate, we've been business partners for nearly 30 years and he's the bloke I trust the most in the world... we've been through a lot together as kids and adults.. so that's heartbreaking to read for me...

I can't offer any advice as although I've lost a couple of people close to me, one in particular who helped shape who i am and was certainly very much a man I loved like a father, I haven't lost a brother or a really close family member... 

I wish you the best though mate, raise a glass, play a song or quietly think, whatever it is that's right for you I suppose...

Take it steady mate 

 

 

[Goly 1,464]

Grief is very strange. I witnessed losing both my grandparents and two of my best mates back in 2019 and at the time I handled things very well considering. But, in 2022 I started suffering from anxiety & crippling panic attacks that affected me massively. I never really let on to anyone what I was going through but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Now I'm self diagnosing here but after searching for a trigger, I have read that traumatic experiences can rear their ugly head further down the line. It got to a point where I nearly had to quit work, I did a couple of weeks of CBT, not the oil, the therapy but i don't think it helped. Since then I have never fully been myself, I don't want to go down the medication route if I can help it. Things have improved massively since the peak of 2022-2023 but it is taking some shaking off. I'm one to keep my emotions to myself and I think that becomes more of a burden than letting it all out, and boy can it wear you down mentally, all the best fella.

Edited February 14 by Goly

[downsouth 7,447]

I've spoken about this on here before.My stepdaughter of 18years committed suicide 10 years ago after battling depression ond addiction after her boyfriend was left a cabbage by a hit and run driver.2 weeks my then missus spent 2weeks with her whist she was on life support and had to agree to them switching the machines of on her(my missus's) birthday and then laid with her for 2hrs whilst she fitted and everything shut down.Within a year our 18year relationship ended,a year later we was battling in court for custody of our 3year old daughter as she was trying to move 5hrs away with her.Then a year later she handed our daughter over to me and admitted she was having a breakdown,something I'd been watching happen in front of my eyes for the last 3years.This was one of the strongest independent women I'd ever known and although she's a lot better now is a still a shell of her former self.Loosing anybody close is a horrible thing but I dont think anything comes close to loosing a child.The worse thing was that the first thing the doctors did was prescribe her pills.Up untill then she wouldn't take any type of pill after seeing her own mum and aunties all spend years addicted to value and allsorts.Next thing she was taking them herself for the next few years.Finally she got professional help and counselling which I believe has at least helped her to at least cope with the grief although it's something she's never gunna fully get over.

[mel b 2,763]

Have a f***ing good cry mush . It'll help more than anything else in the world mate .

You know the boys don't cry thing , we'll it's a load of bollocks.

[bird 9,984]

Well mush I feel really sorry for  you mate I really do.  I know what grief  really is  most.know on here I lost  my wife last Feb 6th 2024. Now me as person, I am quite a easy going friendly  , and normally  even at my old age 72  , tough in mind and  body. I've got though lot of pain over the years with feckin sciatica  24/7  lower bad back, now fooked right knee, but I just bite the bullet as they  say,  and keep plodding  on. But.i thought,  OK was married 40 years  , and some times happy memories,  and some not so happy.But fook me , I never knew I had so many tears in me , yes I am on my own.i try to keep busy  looking after my self  etc.old Buck prob be his last year  12 year old  fookin big lump on his side, real shame for him. I've felt real  low for  long time now. All I can say mate  you.loved your brother, and he felt proud of you , knowing what great brother he had in you deff.

 

[Greyman 28,980]

Sorry to hear your story mush stay strong,