Signs you are getting old.

[jukel123 8,253]

5 minutes ago, WILF said:

I am embracing it, my favourite is to sit at the kitchen table and give absolute nonsense shit pearls of wisdom to my grown kids !

I like to finish off with telling everyone within earshot that “they don’t the meaning of hard work/pain/fighting/mountain climbing/flying the dam busters mission/being an astronaut/any given kind of suffering/hardship etc etc…”

I can rest easy for the evening then !

Oh yeah. Forgot that one.

Here's a few more scenarios. You see the panic and strain on your son's face when you start to tell a joke to his posh in laws and then the sheer relief  when I keep it clean, non Alan Partridge and they laugh,  if only politely.

Because you are mutt and Jeff  you don't realise that your whispers are f****n bellows and your Mrs looks very uncomfortable because people can hear every word.

Just this afternoon I came out from a pub lunch and was waiting for the Mrs. I noticed a stone mason at  work high upon the next building. I love any kind of building work so I'm inspecting his work. After a while he shouts down "can I help you?" And I realise I've been  pissing him off big time staring at him like a fucktard. 

I blushed a bit and said " sorry mate, just admiring your work". He was having none of the creeping, turned his back on me and grunted something I couldn't hear, because I'm an old deaf twat, but I don't think it was polite.

 

[Goly 500]

When you smile to yourself thinking about that full blown erection you had twenty year ago.

[Bush Rummager 4,706]

Extended windmilling.

My Mrs says it's like watching a bird tugging a worm out of the ground!!

[tatsblisters 9,923]

It's the cold weather i have felt more this year than any other time in my life thought it might be down to dropping some weight. So much I bought a box of them hand warmer that are in a sachet with two small paper bags for warming my finger ends up.  

[jukel123 8,253]

39 minutes ago, Goly said:

When you smile to yourself thinking about that full blown erection you had twenty year ago.

I'm nowhere near that stage . I would get yourself some industrial strength  Viagra for that mate. .

Edited Monday at 21:19 by jukel123

[Goly 500]

3 minutes ago, jukel123 said:

I'm nowhere near that stage . I would get yourself some industrial strength  Viagra for that mate. .

PED cheat.

[TOMO 26,264]

1 hour ago, WILF said:

I am embracing it, my favourite is to sit at the kitchen table and give absolute nonsense shit pearls of wisdom to my grown kids !

I like to finish off with telling everyone within earshot that “they don’t the meaning of hard work/pain/fighting/mountain climbing/flying the dam busters mission/being an astronaut/any given kind of suffering/hardship etc etc…”

I can rest easy for the evening then !

This is how I imagine you wilf reading that ..lol

 

[low plains drifter 10,617]

1 hour ago, Goly said:

When you smile to yourself thinking about that full blown erection you had twenty year ago.

 

[chartpolski 23,946]

When you smile indulgently at someone who is talking utter shite, and not tell them to “shut the f**k up you idiot……”.

Cheers.

[mC HULL 12,828]

2 minutes ago, chartpolski said:

When you smile indulgently at someone who is talking utter shite, and not tell them to “shut the f**k up you idiot……”.

Cheers.

ourlass is getting old 

[mushroom 13,085]

Walking into the kitchen for a piss and coming out with a glass of water, a sandwich and still needing a piss  

[downsouth 7,348]

7 hours ago, mushroom said:

Walking into the kitchen for a piss and coming out with a glass of water, a sandwich and still needing a piss  

At least I'm not that old.I still walk into the Khazi if I need a piss.Id hate to think where you'd go if you want a shit

[jukel123 8,253]

11 hours ago, mC HULL said:

ourlass is getting old 

Old bloke gets a phone call.

Hello, is that you Jim?

Yes, who's that?

Julie, remember we were engaged 50 years back and you broke it off. How you doing?

f**k, don't ask. I'm 18 stone in a wheelchair.Had two heart attacks and on dialysis. Live in a council flat on me tod. Kids break my windows all the time. Only on basic pension and I spend that on whisky. You?

I've been very lucky. Got a lovely house in the south. Drive a Mercedes and I've got a fabulous villa in Spain. But I'm widowed now and very lonely. That's why I called you tbh. Ive always held a flame for you. I don't care about what you look like.

Oh, fancy that after all these years. What do you look now?

I've worn well Jim. Still the same weight. Hair the same colour. The only thing that's changed is I've got a few faint varicose veins.

f****n varicose veins? f**k that. Do you think I'm mad, going out with an old bag. Get off the f****n line, you whining bitch.

 

[mushroom 13,085]

2 hours ago, downsouth said:

At least I'm not that old.I still walk into the Khazi if I need a piss.Id hate to think where you'd go if you want a shit

Obviously I meant as in I was supposed to walk to the bathroom. Badly described, mea Culpa  

[Neal 1,873]

I just made my wife a cup of coffee. I almost put the mug in the fridge and took her two litres of milk.

Still; not as bad as the time that I only realised I'd thrown a sweet in the bin when I stuck the wrapper in my mouth.