lurcher BOD 0 Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 Part 1 Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign! Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won ' t miss a call from someone we didn ' t want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.. 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth... 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars. And finally... In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. Part 2 The British Solution to Save Petrol Brown wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use...... The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants! That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down..... Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Channel.... When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq .... Tell him if he wants to come to Britain then he must serve a tour in the military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it..... After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... . This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.. ..... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo..... Problem solved..... ITS A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS BUT HOW SO F**KING TRUE ! AND AS FOR IMMIGRATION WELL WELLDONE LORD B GOOD ARTICLE Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Sporting Agent 0 Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 Part 1 Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign! Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won ' t miss a call from someone we didn ' t want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.. 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth... 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars. And finally... In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. Part 2 The British Solution to Save Petrol Brown wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use...... The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants! That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down..... Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Channel.... When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq .... Tell him if he wants to come to Britain then he must serve a tour in the military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it..... After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... . This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.. ..... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo..... Problem solved..... ITS A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS BUT HOW SO F**KING TRUE ! AND AS FOR IMMIGRATION WELL WELLDONE LORD B GOOD ARTICLE Lord B has pissed off due to a load of shite he got about this and one or two other posts; but its good to see how this thread has developed since he started it!............. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea 2 Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) ?????? What the You either really got the wrong end of that stick or just chose to ignore what Andrea was saying on purpose so you could spoil for a fight! I don't think she was in any way disrespecting our servicemen. She was pointing out that from a very early age we are taught that killing and the taking of life is wrong, and used the example of soldiers being conditioned and taught "to kill".....controled violence. Maybe a contensious example in the present climate but a valid one none the less. Wind your neck in and don't be so fast in judging what people say without understanding the sentiment; or if you just fancied jumping down her throat for fun, grow up. As a time served officer and a member of the sand pit crew, no disrespect was taken on my part Andrea. Edited March 13, 2008 by Andrea Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest craftycarper Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 i could take my son and dangle him over the back of the boat above the propeller, thing is the only things that will fall out his pockets will be his grans and my money.....could be worth it though seeing all that blood rush to his head I could find him work; 3 months in the Sand Pit and he'll soon learn what life is all about, scare him rigid too. Beat dangling him over a boats props........ three months wouldn't last three minutes Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea 2 Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) . Edited March 13, 2008 by Andrea Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Sporting Agent 0 Posted January 31, 2008 Report Share Posted January 31, 2008 i could take my son and dangle him over the back of the boat above the propeller, thing is the only things that will fall out his pockets will be his grans and my money.....could be worth it though seeing all that blood rush to his head I could find him work; 3 months in the Sand Pit and he'll soon learn what life is all about, scare him rigid too. Beat dangling him over a boats props........ three months wouldn't last three minutes Well, if he doesn't last three min its a bloody long walk home!!!! Maybe you should stick his name down if they do another series of Bad Lads Army..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FJager 0 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 I am in stitches here straight up, you are hilarious, do you even believe yourself. I don't spoil for a fight on a website, not my style, just about every thread you start is deleted as you piss everyone off, you do the maths. SP a shamargh around your bleedin neck doesn't make you a private contractor my friend, get a life and stop bullshitting the majority of genuine people on here. By the way a red shirt in a war zone, I don't think so, but no doubt you will have a pre-frabricated excuse for that, so I will just bash my head against a wall instead of wasting my time replying any more to your rot, I think the majority have figured you out. How you going to get someone a contract in the desert with no military experience, do you want me to go on and really start embarrassing you. I know you would just love to be like me, but you will never be that good! Sorry genuine members for hijacking your thread but my post to 'Andrea' was something that needed to be said, I apologise to you people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Sporting Agent 0 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 I am in stitches here straight up, you are hilarious, do you even believe yourself. I don't spoil for a fight on a website, not my style, just about every thread you start is deleted as you piss everyone off, you do the maths. SP a shamargh around your bleedin neck doesn't make you a private contractor my friend, get a life and stop bullshitting the majority of genuine people on here. By the way a red shirt in a war zone, I don't think so, but no doubt you will have a pre-frabricated excuse for that, so I will just bash my head against a wall instead of wasting my time replying any more to your rot, I think the majority have figured you out. How you going to get someone a contract in the desert with no military experience, do you want me to go on and really start embarrassing you. I know you would just love to be like me, but you will never be that good! Sorry genuine members for hijacking your thread but my post to 'Andrea' was something that needed to be said, I apologise to you people. Gosh I'm genuinely ssoooooooooo sorry to have upset your sensabilities; as for the t shirt if I'm not alowed to wear it on holiday walking up a hill then I once again am just ever so sorrrrrryyy! You are so right on all counts, you really are. The telepathic way if which you are so certain that picture was taken in conflit zone......absolutely amazing! My lack of military service, again, WOW just amazing how you know that! I thought maybe you had read that somewhere, like other posts here that do mention previous service.......but then I remembered; maybe reading isn't your strong point, don't worry, pslleing (sorry, spelling?) isn't mine........ I could only ever dream of living up to your high lofty standards, of living a life such as yours, of having the adulation of so many as you do; but more imortantly, I could only dream of having your adulation. Yours, in ever hope of being as good as you C Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ratman2 2 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 I am in stitches here straight up, you are hilarious, do you even believe yourself. I don't spoil for a fight on a website, not my style, just about every thread you start is deleted as you piss everyone off, you do the maths. SP a shamargh around your bleedin neck doesn't make you a private contractor my friend, get a life and stop bullshitting the majority of genuine people on here. By the way a red shirt in a war zone, I don't think so, but no doubt you will have a pre-frabricated excuse for that, so I will just bash my head against a wall instead of wasting my time replying any more to your rot, I think the majority have figured you out. How you going to get someone a contract in the desert with no military experience, do you want me to go on and really start embarrassing you. I know you would just love to be like me, but you will never be that good! Sorry genuine members for hijacking your thread but my post to 'Andrea' was something that needed to be said, I apologise to you people. At last, a genuine reply to this fairy tale, no need to apologise FJager, it needed to be said. Some people actually belive the multi faceted Lord B actually composed the original post, he/she did not, it's on just about every forum on the web. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Sporting Agent 0 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) At last, a genuine reply to this fairy tale, no need to apologise FJager, it needed to be said. Some people actually belive the multi faceted Lord B actually composed the original post, he/she did not, it's on just about every forum on the web. I'm not sure, but I don't think Lord B actually said he did compose the original post in the thread, he may have just cut and posted it, he doesn't say one way or another. If like you say its on every other forum on the web that is highly likely; does nobody else cut and post or repeat information they see elsewhere???? How else does news and opinion travel? Its a shame that a thread (started by whatever means, original quote, or copied from eleswhere) that has proved interesting and condusive to healthy debate has become a "slagging off" match. As is outlined in the Moderators "Important Member Info" at the top of this page, only informative posts should be posted, not those consisting of mindless rubbish, aimed at degrading the thread and the forum for the sake of one upmanship or causing humiliation to another forum user; C'mon, we're all here for a laugh and maybe to learn a few things, aren't we. Edited February 1, 2008 by The Sporting Agent Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea 2 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) Sorry genuine members for hijacking your thread but my post to 'Andrea' was something that needed to be said, I apologise to you people. Edited March 13, 2008 by Andrea Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea 2 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) Sorry genuine members for hijacking your thread but my post to 'Andrea' was something that needed to be said, I apologise to you people. it needed to be said???? don't mame me LAUGH, you looked for an excuse to attack. Ratman2, how come you kept quiet??? i saw you reading these posts before. did you need a liitle support first before saying anything???? like a little boy in the schoold play ground, says nothing untill he gets a few friends on his side. Edited March 13, 2008 by Andrea Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FJager 0 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) Hit the button before i'd finished ranting. Edited February 1, 2008 by FJager Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea 2 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 SP maybe you need to take some reading leasons my friend, I never said anything about your military experience, not at all. You offered a members son a job in the sandpit, someone that doesn't have military experience, not that difficult to understand that sentence was it. Trying to insult someone by trying to put down their intelligence has backfired hasn't it, feel silly. You stated on a deleted thread that you had put that pic of you up working in the desert, not on holiday, can't you remember something so trivialo, a bullshitter will always fall over their own lies. Andrea why do yourself and.... whoever always reply to one and other so quickly, like 10-15 minutes apart, you I don't understand your last comment, but with regards to my replying, sure i do. The sporting Agent is a real man who stands up for those's who are being insulted and attacked, simply because people like you, think you've found an easy target. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Sporting Agent 0 Posted February 1, 2008 Report Share Posted February 1, 2008 SP maybe you need to take some reading leasons my friend, I never said anything about your military experience, not at all. You offered a members son a job in the sandpit, someone that doesn't have military experience, not that difficult to understand that sentence was it. Trying to insult someone by trying to put down their intelligence has backfired hasn't it, feel silly. You stated on a deleted thread that you had put that pic of you up working in the desert, not on holiday, can't you remember something so trivialo, a bullshitter will always fall over their own lies. Andrea why do yourself and.... whoever always reply to one and other so quickly, like 10-15 minutes apart, you me do you have to take everything in such a synical way or is that the way your mind works? I apologise i missread what you said about my mil experiance, as for offering a forum members son a job in HE; there was a hint of sarcasm in that offer, i.e a joke; and I'm pretty sure thats how everyone else took it. Its hard enough for genuine guys with experiance to get work! Surely you would know that? Why is my picture, and my red Mountain Hardware t shirt such a source of concern to you? Surely it is irelevant on what post you first saw my pic? it was my Avatar for goodness sake, it has nothing to do with the contents of a specific post. I never once suggested that the pic was of me working; someone asked to see a pic of someone else in cammo with firearms and a Rangie and I put that one up saying it was the best I could do of me.........but that I did drive a Rangie if that helped! If you really would like a pic of me in uniform I'm sure I can dig one out and PM it to you, but I don't want you getting too excited by it....... And before you tear me to bits in your lovely matcho Antipidean way, I have changed my Avatar because Im currently doing things to raise money for the SSAFA, so I've changed it to their logo...... This thread is just going to degenerate ito a Walter whinge, so I think its time I left this thread to you guys to play amongst yourselves. Unlike others I will stand my ground when I'm being slagged off but this is just daft, says more about your attitude than other. Enough said. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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