Being Britith......

[Guest ROOSTER]

lets not slag off the youngsters mine are beautiful and hard working and so are millions of others but we never hear about the good, so maybe a lot of the not so good kids get their attitudes from their parents or how they were brought up and before you all get up in arms you all slag a dog thats had no training and rightly blame the owner for not putting in the effort so what so differant, as for the women who have as they put it booted out their useless husbands well girls you picked them in the first place and if they have changed since you got together well perhaps your the reason they have took to drink.

[lurchergrrl 1,441]

as for the women who have as they put it booted out their useless husbands well girls you picked them in the first place and if they have changed since you got together well perhaps your the reason they have took to drink.

 

Them's fightin' words Only a complete tosser says something like that - you probably want a right good boot up the arse and all.

[Andrea 2]

as for the women who have as they put it booted out their useless husbands well girls you picked them in the first place and if they have changed since you got together well perhaps your the reason they have took to drink.

 

Them's fightin' words Only a complete tosser says something like that - you probably want a right good boot up the arse and all.

 

[Guest craftycarper]

as for the women who have as they put it booted out their useless husbands well girls you picked them in the first place and if they have changed since you got together well perhaps your the reason they have took to drink.

 

Them's fightin' words Only a complete tosser says something like that - you probably want a right good boot up the arse and all.

 

couldn't have said it better myself.... ..rooster take time out and read the thread from the begining and you will see that there was no need to post a comment like that, it's not our faults our kids have chosen the paths they have taken, maybe take a look at your own attitude.....

[SNAP SHOT 194]

ASBO, and all that crap, prision is like an upmarket b&b, step out of line chain gang cleaning ditchs along the roads, hard labour etc, here in ireland i saw a piece in the paper a few years ago were the orision took out inmates to a picnic on the beach at a cost of a staggering sum of money, security, travel etc, i think it was about 60'000 euro,

HARD LABOUR.......

[salukixminshaw 1]

lets not slag off the youngsters mine are beautiful and hard working and so are millions of others but we never hear about the good, so maybe a lot of the not so good kids get their attitudes from their parents or how they were brought up and before you all get up in arms you all slag a dog thats had no training and rightly blame the owner for not putting in the effort so what so differant, as for the women who have as they put it booted out their useless husbands well girls you picked them in the first place and if they have changed since you got together well perhaps your the reason they have took to drink.

thats spot on mate

[Guest ROOSTER]

lets see now hubby's booted out, no doubt their was a lot of balling and shouting and plenty grief guess what the kids see this they get upset they get mixed up they miss their dad some handle it some dont meanwhile we have the mom telling everyone that will listen how bad their hubby is, guess what the kids hear this, again they get upset as its their dad everyone is slagging off, again they get upset and mixed feelings and then they think whats the point of trying as its all doom so they do the easy thing they meet kids in the same situation and like sheep they follow and so on, so dont give it i dont know what went wrong theyre your kids your responsabilty you never give up on your own like i said you picked your man you chose to have kids with him so theyre your responsabilty and remember their is part of you in them, you made them what they are. In fact making sure your kids are safe and clothed and fed are just part of it guiding them down the right road which is not easy is every bit important i do know that and guess what ladies the job doesnt stop but then again i'm sure all you strepford ladies know that,yes i may have a bad attitude and i may deserve a kick in the arse but i know that having kids is the greatest gift we have, the biggest worry we have, and they are what we make them, just form an orderly que behind lurchergrrl as i guess the arse kicking will begin .

[The Sporting Agent 0]

lets not slag off the youngsters mine are beautiful and hard working and so are millions of others but we never hear about the good, so maybe a lot of the not so good kids get their attitudes from their parents or how they were brought up and before you all get up in arms you all slag a dog thats had no training and rightly blame the owner for not putting in the effort so what so differant, as for the women who have as they put it booted out their useless husbands well girls you picked them in the first place and if they have changed since you got together well perhaps your the reason they have took to drink.

thats spot on mate

I have to say I think these comments are harsh. Purely because they generalise and are a personal attack on the parents that have posted on here.

 

Sure, I know many cases where these comments are spot on and have bourne true; but likewise many that are not so and would support the examples mentioned by Kay and Carper.

 

I think the sentiment may be correct in some cases but not all and that each is diferant, and to generalise like this is wrong.

 

To carpet everyone in a given situation in the same way is incorrect; I think by being as open as they have Kay and Carper have shown that they are not at "fault" for the way their children have developed, if there were I'm sure they would be far more reluctant to acknowledge the situation and be more likely not to have mentioned it or indeed to be sticking up for their childrens attitudes.

Sure the dog examplie is possibly true, but children are not the same. Its sad to say that society, the media, popular culture, peer groups etc have much more influance on children than any external factor does a dog; and no matter how good a parent may be, children will always be exposed to the above and they are powerful tools that do much do persuade that drinking, drug taking and a million other things are ok, are normal; these things often overide or supress values taught in the home; why? because these madias are much more powerful and are seen in every area of life, on television, the radio, music, computer games, in school etc etc etc...........

 

In some cases are the parents to blame? Sure. In all? Not at all.

 

Vicious generailisation and narrow mindedness like this is dispuptive to proper taught values and does little to encourage or promote common sence.

[The Sporting Agent 0]

lets see now hubby's booted out, no doubt their was a lot of balling and shouting and plenty grief guess what the kids see this they get upset they get mixed up they miss their dad some handle it some dont meanwhile we have the mom telling everyone that will listen how bad their hubby is, guess what the kids hear this, again they get upset as its their dad everyone is slagging off, again they get upset and mixed feelings and then they think whats the point of trying as its all doom so they do the easy thing they meet kids in the same situation and like sheep they follow and so on, so dont give it i dont know what went wrong theyre your kids your responsabilty you never give up on your own like i said you picked your man you chose to have kids with him so theyre your responsabilty and remember their is part of you in them, you made them what they are. In fact making sure your kids are safe and clothed and fed are just part of it guiding them down the right road which is not easy is every bit important i do know that and guess what ladies the job doesnt stop but then again i'm sure all you strepford ladies know that,yes i may have a bad attitude and i may deserve a kick in the arse but i know that having kids is the greatest gift we have, the biggest worry we have, and they are what we make them, just form an orderly que behind lurchergrrl as i guess the arse kicking will begin .

You are generalising again. My partner is divorced, has a 4yo daughter and her ex husband was/is a thug and a prick. But we both (and my partners parents) do all we can to encourage a safe relationship for her with her father. Sure we'd much prefer there to be no relationship but that really is not fair on either him or her. We do not, none of us run about slagging him off to her, no matter what anyones thoughts on the situation are.

 

Please do not generalise in this way. Invairably generalising is wrong and only ever supports the worst half or example of an anrgument. By doing what we are doing we are supporting and teaching her in a much more constructive way than any other.

 

Stepford Ladies? What are you on about???? The values you mention are all good but the attitude you use to push them is destructive and narrow minded. Narrow mindedness can be more destructive than many other influances.

[Andrea 2]

I think some of what you say, does in fact have a ring of truth. There are women and men who love nothing better to slag of their ex partners, Im lucky, in that i dont have that problem, however, to suggest that men turn to drink is the fault of his partner is rather insulting. It isn't much different than saying women deserve all they get. Sorry but no one deserves to live like that and very few are aware that their partners are going to turn out like that. No one's going to marry or become involved with an individual who's addicted to alcohol or any other substance, unless they themselves are party to that kind of behaviour. Which none of the above member's seems to be.

Kids are not just the product of their parents, it's a proven fact that children learn much of their behaviour from peer groups and the area where they live, yet it's easy for everyone to point the finger at parent's and blame them. Sure some are bad parents, but many more are not.

How are parents suppose to discipline their children???? You can't smack them, like you could when i was young, otherwise you hear shouts of abuse, and the heavy mob is on your doorstep. You can't even shout at them without getting dirty looks from "Do gooder's" that probably have never had children themselves.

I was in a supermarket only a few day's a go, watching a 2 or 3 year old screaming because he couldn't have sweets, and there where other shoppers twittering and casting looks at the mum, who seemed very upset.

So i believe, has i have said before, that we shouldn't blame individual's, we are all to blame. We have made some of the younger generation think they have a god given right to behaviour however they please. Most of them know their "right's" better than their parent's. To change the behaviour of anti social youth's, we should try supporting the parent's, not criticising them.

Ps, a child is the responsibility of two parents, not one.

Edited January 29, 2008 by Andrea

[Guest oneredtrim]

.

Edited January 29, 2008 by oneredtrim

[Guest ROOSTER]

SP nobody is picking on anyone what i'm saying if you choose to be a parent then you never stop been a parent,and that its all well and good blaming everyone and everthing but if a kid goes off the rails its your duty your job as his mum or dad to try and never give up trying to put them right not easy no one said it was,andrea your right the drink is uncalled for it was just a way of me saying that their is usually two sides to things.I disagree andrea the kids are the product of their parents they chose to have them they are then in charge of the childs future its the parents job to protect them from outsite ellements that can lead to trouble no matter what age they are, i agree discipline is hard as our hands are tied but try we must and we never stop trying.SP read the thread you will see some ladies going on about their partners not me, also sp calling someone we dont know a thug and a prick is not fair play is it after all thats your opinion perhaps not anyone else's perhaps if the lad was on the site he could give us his opinion of you then we could make up our own minds.

[lurchergrrl 1,441]

SP nobody is picking on anyone what i'm saying if you choose to be a parent then you never stop been a parent,and that its all well and good blaming everyone and everthing but if a kid goes off the rails its your duty your job as his mum or dad to try and never give up trying to put them right not easy no one said it was,andrea your right the drink is uncalled for it was just a way of me saying that their is usually two sides to things.I disagree andrea the kids are the product of their parents they chose to have them they are then in charge of the childs future its the parents job to protect them from outsite ellements that can lead to trouble no matter what age they are, i agree discipline is hard as our hands are tied but try we must and we never stop trying.SP read the thread you will see some ladies going on about their partners not me, also sp calling someone we dont know a thug and a prick is not fair play is it after all thats your opinion perhaps not anyone else's perhaps if the lad was on the site he could give us his opinion of you then we could make up our own minds.

 

Roo, what you said at the beginning goes both ways. I chose to have kids, but so did my ex. And then right after they were born he chose to spend every waking minute at the bloody pub. So picture it: I've no family here, I had just moved to this country, I was totally on my own and the person who made me all those promises morphed into a drunken shit bag. So ya, I booted him out after the twins came. But I don't slag anyone infront of my kids as they're old enough now to understand what I'm talking about and I don't want them to grow up with the morals of a scrubber, lined up for every daytime talk show going.

 

They are my responsibility - and his, god help them. I do everything I can to encourage a relationship with him but if he lets them down, at some point I have to step in and protect them. Because a sometimey Dad is, in my opinion, way more harmful than no Dad at all. I should kno. My Dad was sometimey and it hurt me like feck.

 

My ex's drinking didn't have anything to do with me. I didn't walk him down the road, sit him at the bar and pour pints down his throat. He's a grown up, he made his choices. And as a consequence, I've made mine. That makes me a better mum than many: because now he's not in the house causing arguements, staggering round in front of the kids, being moody and pissing all the money up a wall.

 

So there.

 

Now, bend over while I get my boots on

[The Sporting Agent 0]

SP nobody is picking on anyone what i'm saying if you choose to be a parent then you never stop been a parent,and that its all well and good blaming everyone and everthing but if a kid goes off the rails its your duty your job as his mum or dad to try and never give up trying to put them right not easy no one said it was,andrea your right the drink is uncalled for it was just a way of me saying that their is usually two sides to things.I disagree andrea the kids are the product of their parents they chose to have them they are then in charge of the childs future its the parents job to protect them from outsite ellements that can lead to trouble no matter what age they are, i agree discipline is hard as our hands are tied but try we must and we never stop trying.SP read the thread you will see some ladies going on about their partners not me, also sp calling someone we dont know a thug and a prick is not fair play is it after all thats your opinion perhaps not anyone else's perhaps if the lad was on the site he could give us his opinion of you then we could make up our own minds.

I'll call whoever I want a thug and prick. My making that comment was based on experianced facts bourn out in law. If you read any of the post in any threads that I have made you will see I'm the last person to condone slagging off and name calling. A good friend of mine has left this site for just that reason.

But anyone who decks women, hangs children over banisters as a threat, lies, witholds money, fraudiulantly moves money that isnt theirs......is a thug and a prick. But you will please note that these fact are precisely the ones that are witheld, not as you suggested told to the child, in order that she may at the very least try and have a safe and constructlve paternal relationship.

One minute you are arguing a very strict line, non-liberal the next you are going the oposite way voicing concern that the guy above might not be in the wrong and diserves his voice heard....

I have read all the posts above, inc those from Kay and Careper, yes they mention pissed partners and divorce etc; but never were they making that the excuse or reason behind the outcome, just stating fact as it happened. You are the one that made that personal, "going on" as you say about them, suggesting the partners drank because of the wives.....

Like I say; EVERY situation is diferant, thats whee I am coming from. Not a position of generalisation.

You can not say one minute that these kids are bad because the mums slag of the no good dads who drink, and drink because its the mums fault; and then say "of poor lad that you call a thug, he deserves his say", whichever is right you are arguing two oposing points.....You may not have meant your original post to come accross that way, but it did.

[Kay 3,709]

lets not slag off the youngsters mine are beautiful and hard working and so are millions of others but we never hear about the good, so maybe a lot of the not so good kids get their attitudes from their parents or how they were brought up and before you all get up in arms you all slag a dog thats had no training and rightly blame the owner for not putting in the effort so what so differant, as for the women who have as they put it booted out their useless husbands well girls you picked them in the first place and if they have changed since you got together well perhaps your the reason they have took to drink.

 

Maybe men dont like head strong survivers in there lives , women who wont roll over & play dead, if thats the case then tough if it means they turn to drink then so be it.

 

Dont they say you have to live with someone to know them truly