Pet hates.

[mel b 2,481]

6 hours ago, ditchman said:

its bloody rank.............some bloke standing next to me ......he had just crawled out of the pub.....he could bearly stand up....and to knock the drops off....i shit you not ....he thought he was cracking a bloody whip.....

f**k i backed off quick...it was going everywhere.....i always make sure that there is at least one empty stall either side of me now....

talk about golden showers eggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

You should have been a good toilet neighbour , and shaken it for him

[shaaark 10,843]

11 hours ago, mushroom said:

Stuck a fork into a good mates hand for that faux pas

Me too lol

[Welsh_red 4,651]

Stupidly hard handshakes , couple of older guys local greet you with a handshake and almost try to cripple you with a handshake . My father in law used to do it and he was a meek mild mannered buy but turned into the hulk when he shook my hand . Don't get me wrong the other side of the coin is a soft handshake and that's not the best either but when they try to do origami with your hand I'd love to just drop my head on them . 

[ditchman 2,843]

On 12/03/2024 at 12:54, gnasher16 said:

Womens hygiene is just a mystery to me at times,my ol woman is immaculate in every way.....yet the other day i caught her using my electric toothbrush...." what do you think you're doing thats my one " i says......" my one's packed up i just thought id use yours "........" yeah but sharing a toothbrush is f****n mingin whats wrong with you " i says......." well i have a lot worse of your bodily fluids than that in my mouth what difference does it make " she says.......must admit i didnt really have an answer  

my mate is very "careful" with money ...which his wife didnt like....and when she needed something...there was usually an agument ...........one time the husband commented that she wasnt agueing anymore....she said she had been doing therapy..................and told him she had been cleaning the toilet with his tooth brush for the last month..

women will always get you/win

[gnasher16 30,181]

2 hours ago, Welsh_red said:

Stupidly hard handshakes , couple of older guys local greet you with a handshake and almost try to cripple you with a handshake . My father in law used to do it and he was a meek mild mannered buy but turned into the hulk when he shook my hand . Don't get me wrong the other side of the coin is a soft handshake and that's not the best either but when they try to do origami with your hand I'd love to just drop my head on them . 

The handshake is an important one but i agree it can be tricky.....trying too hard with a vice like grip is almost as embarrassing as a weak wet lettuce hand shake......you can tell a lot about a man by his handshake and the over enthusiastic fake one like that indicates a person thats unsure of themself and lacking self belief in my experience.

[ditchman 2,843]

8 hours ago, mel b said:

You should have been a good toilet neighbour , and shaken it for him

you pervert...you always have to lower the tone..............you know im not like that

[mel b 2,481]

2 hours ago, ditchman said:

you pervert...you always have to lower the tone..............you know im not like that

I'm terribly sorry , I know that a gentleman of your breeding,  would never shake a fellow piddlers todger , without first putting on his calf skin todger shaking gloves .

[ditchman 2,843]

1 hour ago, mel b said:

I'm terribly sorry , I know that a gentleman of your breeding,  would never shake a fellow piddlers todger , without first putting on his calf skin todger shaking gloves .

do you have the same trouble when you take your hamster out and wash&blow dry it in the Gents......bet it raises a few eyebrows

[mel b 2,481]

1 hour ago, ditchman said:

do you have the same trouble when you take your hamster out and wash&blow dry it in the Gents......bet it raises a few eyebrows

I used shaved hamsters , they're wipe clean

[THE STIFFMEISTER 16,071]

20 hours ago, mushroom said:

Fuucking hairpins/bobbypins all over the fecking shop. Woke up with one stuck in-between my toes the other morning, jumped out of bed BEFORE I realised.... and all she could say was "I've been looking for that" as I'm hopping around the bedroom swearing in languages I don't even speak.

 

Bobbles is another.. The mrs leaves them anywhere she wants to, which then leads the cat to believe they now belong to her... so she shreds the fuuck out of them and leaves bits of bobble everywhere.

Oh of course , why not ? 

last nights debacle . 
“ where’s  your car keys ? “ 

I’ve looked in the car key tin , the drawer , your jacket pockets , the kitchen table , side of the couch 

que 2 hr argument that im an ocd control freak as i hadn’t taken into account them being naturally in the en suite shower as she was there when i was still at work , but I should have known they were there. 

could genuinely weigh her off to the Albanians at times . f***ing clown shoes  

[mushroom 13,083]

40 minutes ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

Oh of course , why not ? 

last nights debacle . 
“ where’s  your car keys ? “ 

I’ve looked in the car key tin , the drawer , your jacket pockets , the kitchen table , side of the couch 

que 2 hr argument that im an ocd control freak as i hadn’t taken into account them being naturally in the en suite shower as she was there when i was still at work , but I should have known they were there. 

could genuinely weigh her off to the Albanians at times . f***ing clown shoes  

Can’t add anymore likes

I’ll never understand how women can hide/lose shit then blame men. They leave crap all over the place. Another one of mine is old make up brushes. She throws them on the top shelf of the lower cabinet. Right where I keep my shears for the beard. Ends up with brush hairs full of make up in the teeth which then get shredded into my beard  

[ditchman 2,843]

1 hour ago, mel b said:

I used shaved hamsters , they're wipe clean

ooohhh so you use Brasilian hamsters...........have you got a liecence to import them?

[Welsh_red 4,651]

7 hours ago, gnasher16 said:

The handshake is an important one but i agree it can be tricky.....trying too hard with a vice like grip is almost as embarrassing as a weak wet lettuce hand shake......you can tell a lot about a man by his handshake and the over enthusiastic fake one like that indicates a person thats unsure of themself and lacking self belief in my experience.

Quick 1-2 second handshake with moderate grip accompanied by "how you doing, you alright" let go then quick tap on top of shoulder to finish . That's all that's needed . No need to hold on to my hand while we're starting a conversation 

[ditchman 2,843]

44 minutes ago, Welsh_red said:

Quick 1-2 second handshake with moderate grip accompanied by "how you doing, you alright" let go then quick tap on top of shoulder to finish . That's all that's needed . No need to hold on to my hand while we're starting a conversation 

we dont go for touching each other as a greeting in norfolk........we put a lighted roll up in our mouth   and say the following words

"hay yer fartha gort a dicky bu...?"......."blast boi thats darrk owa wills muthers"

  then you reply................"arrr and oiv gort a field to put him in an awl"

[mel b 2,481]

8 hours ago, ditchman said:

ooohhh so you use Brasilian hamsters...........have you got a liecence to import them?

Sssshhhh.