A stressful Christmas dinner ??

[jetro 5,349]

Anybody get stressed about Christmas Dinner ? Read this from a Sheffield butchers .

I’ve pinched this, but it’s fab!! 

 

Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! 
The only difference is that you are allowed to open a bottle of wine before you open the kitchen curtains.

We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...

1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!

2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking .

3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor anyone else I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy

4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!

5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same .

6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)

7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!

Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.

And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!

Rant over

                  Merry Christmas!

Cheers

[Dougieboy 250]

f***ing Brilliant

[Arry 22,531]

Spot on. I can go with that Jetro, have a good one mate.

Cheers Arry

[skycat 6,174]

Made me laugh, that. Common sense at last .... oh dear, seems that most folks nowadays are sadly lacking in that rather essential trait.

[jetro 5,349]

29 minutes ago, Arry said:

Spot on. I can go with that Jetro, have a good one mate.

Cheers Arry

And to you and yours Arry 

Atb j 

[jetro 5,349]

22 minutes ago, Balaur said:

That's a great post, completely shattered my plans lol, I'm determined to do loads of prep beforehand, I'm quite excited got a home grown pork leg to roast, was going to make gravy and stuffing beforehand, which I probably won't now, but it's just me missus and kids, going to be great, I think we're all excited for various reasons lol. 

Used to do a big spread years ago. Spent two or possibly three day prepping, for  it all to be done with in 20 mins on the day. 

Not anymore, just a simple dinner with a bit extra, that's it .

Atb j 

[jetro 5,349]

30 minutes ago, baker boy said:

Never cooked a dinner in my life..

Really, 

Iv cooked most if not all of my meals since my teens 

Atb j 

[jetro 5,349]

9 minutes ago, Balaur said:

For me it's got to be MEAT, pigs in blankets, sprouts , roast carrots/parsnips/spuds , gravy , peas/corn and stuffing. Not fussed on pudding kids probably want ice-cream, missus death by chocolate or something, got boxing day cold cuts and cheese and all that the day after boxing day this year, best meal of the year gorging on pickles butter ham etc, I enjoy cooking hams 

Out of likes

For me, it's much the same, meat, cheeses and pickled onions, figs and dates.

Not too pushed about the desserts.

Atb j 

[Accip74 7,112]

I’m taking a delivery of 2kg of Bison fillet & cured bison sausage on Monday. So I think I’ll just do some filet over the fire & roast a nice chicken. Job done.

[Accip74 7,112]

1 hour ago, Balaur said:

That's a great post, completely shattered my plans lol, I'm determined to do loads of prep beforehand, I'm quite excited got a home grown pork leg to roast, was going to make gravy and stuffing beforehand, which I probably won't now, but it's just me missus and kids, going to be great, I think we're all excited for various reasons lol. 

It’s well worth doing at least the gravy/sauce a day or two beforehand, not just saving hassle on Christmas Day, but better flavour

[bird 9,984]

spot on   post jetro  post , funny ting my wife said last night to me regards xmas dinner.As it just me and her on xmas day , my son  going to his mother-in -laws that day with his wife and 2 kids, so we going to have quite day, suits me though, think she would have liked him there and kids really though. i think we getting a small turkey  if poss,  and only eat 1/2, put other uncooked in freezer , for in the week later, and have the norm other stuff you have with the meal, but just less of it. i prob do the washing up etc, then have a lager and prob fall a sleep in me chair, like i do most nights, my wife said i prob die in that chair , she right as well  un less the virus kills me 1st haha . fook xmas humbug  lol

[keepdiggin 9,561]

What time does everyone have their dinner?

[jetro 5,349]

Well if your comfy in you chair, I can think of worst ways go LOL. 

Same here in reguards to the dinner. 

My daughter is fairly unwell at the moment, with daily  hospital visits, any were 60 miles away, plus she has to be in all over Christmas as well. My wife brings her in, and I'm baby sitting our granddaughter. 

Christmas dinner this year will be, kinda every man for themselves. I'll cook a 8kg ham on the 23th, and a boned and rolled turkey on the 24th with a big tray of homemade stuffing.

Plenty of fresh bread and sauses and dips, they'll be fine. 

That's the plan so far  but that could all change 

Atb j 

[WILF 47,758]

I absolutely detest traditional Christmas dinner and all the trimmings, much rather do what Jetro is doing and just pick at stuff or have a one pot job like curry.

[WILF 47,758]

1 hour ago, jetro said:

Really, 

Iv cooked most if not all of my meals since my teens 

Atb j 

Yep, I do nearly all the cooking in my house.

One of my brothers is the same, my old man could cook too.

All the men in my family are decent cooks, it’s because we are greedy b*****ds ! Lol