Proper bullshit...

[TOMO 25,883]

8 minutes ago, WILF said:

I have never been one of those easily able to contain myself when people just come out with absolute nonsense, I just have to laugh.

I was clearing a load of kit out of Charringtons at Silver Town once and there was another bloke on there who had the job of clearing up the rubbish.

He had his boy and another young lad there as well as his gimp mate and he was always yapping his tales of how he wasn’t really a bloke sweeping up shit in the yards, no, oh no......this bloke who wore a near life size gold boxing glove from Elizabeth Duke at Argos round his neck was really a top boy in the east London underworld.

New all the big players, the Krays (obviously !), had a paper round with Jonny Palmer blah blah.....that type of shit !

His name was Bill and his boy was called Bill as well and he was one dopey looking article, so this one day he comes wandering into the place I was loading my van up from, completely at random, and whispers all shady like “Here, here” 

So I say “Yeah Bill, what do you want”

And for no reason whatsoever he comes out with “My boy Billy is scared of no man or beast alive”

He gave real emphasis to every word of that sentence.

There was a moment of stunned silence from me and my pal who was with me while we did all the various mental calculations about what he said, why he said it, why he felt the need to say it and what relevance it has to any previous conversation we had ever had.......

Then I just burst out laughing, one of those laughs where I covered his face in spit and so did my pal.......we were absolutely crying while Bill stood there in stunned silence !

He just wandered out with our laughter ringing in his ears.

About 2 hours later he cane wandering back as if nothing had happened and said out the blue “I have got a yacht you know!”

”f**k off Bill will you, your driving us mad” and he was gone ! 

ye see i like fellas like that....i like to get them across for more of a chat......i do it all the time on the door...theres not many weeks go by when you dont get one of them chaps talking shit to ya......the best thing for me is my work college who  ive worked with for years and is a good friend....is a bit of a loaner type..hes a good doorman but not many people get on with him.....ask most most of nottingham and hes about the most hated doorman there is.....but the best bit is he cant handle folk like that...he gets embarresed so easily ......so of course what am i supposed to do..........of course i shout them across have chat....then go to the bog leaving the him and the crazy together funny as f**k watching my mate look for a way out...

[South hams hunter 8,912]

14 minutes ago, Saltmoon said:

I remember his old dog that he made up in his head one night out hunting had 4 roe 28 rabbits 4 badgers and 6 hare in a night and that was one of many like you say mate but always gave us a good laugh 

Sure it had a few foxes aswell. And he met a bloke called Mike out from his home village, having nights like that regular

[Saltmoon 2,208]

24 minutes ago, South hams hunter said:

Sure it had a few foxes aswell. And he met a bloke called Mike out from his home village, having nights like that regular

Yeah that's it some man called Mike that no one ever saw brilliant my favourite was tell you he had been inside though he never even been nicked let alone inside 

[dytkos 17,776]

A guy a worked with a few years ago used to start random conversations such as....

When I was street racing in Bristol 

When I was in prison in Ireland 

When I had a £200 a day cocaine habit 

When I went for Special forces selection 

When I was going out with a page three girl 

 

Blokes lived in St. Austell all his life ffs, never called him out but would always get him to explain further, funny seeing him get tied up in knots

Cheers, D.

 

 

[chartpolski 22,817]

Here's a bit of bullshit from me ;

Some years ago, my late daughter was living and working in Australia.

She 'phoned me and her mum to tell us they were having a "works do", and Joe Cocker would be singing a few songs and mingling and having a drink with the guests.

I said to her " make sure you tell Joe who you are " ! She asked why, and I said Joe and I are mates from a long time back.

She was understandably sceptical, so I said tell Joe I was a mate of his back when he was a gas fitter in Sheffield.

Anyhow, Joe came to her table and she said her dad was an old mate of his, Richie H.....

He said Wow ! Yeah, how's he doing ? My daughter said I had went to live abroad but was now retired and back home. Joe said he couldn't believe he'd met his old mates daughter in Australia, and invited her and her fiancé to his hotel the next day for dinner.

They went and had a great time !

When she 'phoned me to say how it went, I didn't have the heart to tell her I'd never met the bloke and I was winding her up !!!!

Cheers.

[lurchers 2,736]

1 hour ago, TOMO said:

ye see i like fellas like that....i like to get them across for more of a chat......i do it all the time on the door...theres not many weeks go by when you dont get one of them chaps talking shit to ya......the best thing for me is my work college who  ive worked with for years and is a good friend....is a bit of a loaner type..hes a good doorman but not many people get on with him.....ask most most of nottingham and hes about the most hated doorman there is.....but the best bit is he cant handle folk like that...he gets embarresed so easily ......so of course what am i supposed to do..........of course i shout them across have chat....then go to the bog leaving the him and the crazy together funny as f**k watching my mate look for a way out...

I used to work with a lad who worked the doors on a titty bar called Richie Howes,he was a good lad and he worked with a old boy who was a member of that family in a book pat roach wrote about when the krays tried to take over were he lived.I think he might of been a family member of the Richardson’s but not sure.Lovely old bloke to.

[Chid 6,458]

This one fella on a forum I frequent always goes on about how Tyson fury is the Greatest heavyweight boxer there is , even reckons he would of beat Ali .. 

[Gypsydog94 4,535]

21 minutes ago, dytkos said:

A guy a worked with a few years ago used to start random conversations such as....

When I was street racing in Bristol 

When I was in prison in Ireland 

When I had a £200 a day cocaine habit 

When I went for Special forces selection 

When I was going out with a page three girl 

 

Blokes lived in St. Austell all his life ffs, never called him out but would always get him to explain further, funny seeing him get tied up in knots

Cheers, D.

 

 

That what happens with inbreeding

[Saltmoon 2,208]

41 minutes ago, dytkos said:

A guy a worked with a few years ago used to start random conversations such as....

When I was street racing in Bristol 

When I was in prison in Ireland 

When I had a £200 a day cocaine habit 

When I went for Special forces selection 

When I was going out with a page three girl 

 

Blokes lived in St. Austell all his life ffs, never called him out but would always get him to explain further, funny seeing him get tied up in knots

Cheers, D.

 

 

Got a mate just like that always lived in Plymouth I've known him since school tells everyone he lived in London for a year plastering for 5k a week  

[Welsh_red 4,593]

1 hour ago, Balaur said:

My mates an encourager , if he gets a whiff of bullshit he'll drag the most extraordinary stories out of them, I have to walk away . I certainly don't enjoy bullshit, it's normally in work and it's lads talking about money earned or jobs , places they've worked. 

One guy I worked with was blatant, father was ex copper so they had too many beers in neighbouring town, and his Oldman called in a favour and had a police helicopter escort there car home....

I couldn't stay in same room once he started, 

 

I got a [BANNED TEXT] like that a encourager. On site one of the younger lads was a bullshitter and u could mark the time beforehand. 1:15pm on dinner break , after everyone had eaten their food and it got a bit quiet hed lean forward on to the table with a steely gaze towards the youngster . "Eh noodles (kids nickname) , u been shagging any more models recently?"  ,   " your car looks pretty quick , u ever got it over 130mph " etc.  Hed spend the next 15 mins rinsing the kid as he makes more and more bollocks up . Told us he got banned from every mcdonslds for stealing the trays haha .

[chartpolski 22,817]

Here's another from my list of "Strange But True";

My late son was a very young diplomat at the British Consulate in Saudi Arabia.

He was at a State Dinner, and was placed at the table between Bill Clinton and the Queen of Jordan.

My son asked why he was in such a prominent and privileged position, and the British Ambassador looked at him, and said; " to keep Clintons wandering hands away from Queen Noor ! ".

Cheers.

 

Edited December 16, 2020 by chartpolski

[keepdiggin 9,558]

Once king said he owned two presa canarios 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only joking Dean

[Greb147 6,809]

35 minutes ago, keepdiggin said:

Once king said he owned two presa canarios 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only joking Dean

He's still at the laptop, eyes closing searching for a convincing pic.

 

[keepdiggin 9,558]

Lol he seems a good lad just think his imagination runs away a little

[Squirrel_Basher 17,100]

14 hours ago, keepdiggin said:

Once king said he owned two presa canarios 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only joking Dean

You recently said you wanted fox tails off me but that turned into a load of bollocks .What the f**k happened there !!!!!