peterhunter86 8,627 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 7 minutes ago, jukel123 said: I can keep this secret no longer. I was called to act as witness, referee and banker to the showdown between Katchum and wild Bill. The purse was three quid, neither of the two c**ts had any money so I had to lend them £1.50 each which I kept safely in my pocket. I asked both men if they were ready to fight. The fight went something like this. Bill.....Ya ta fi hybrid c**t fi jukel, (commee c**t). have at ye ye scotch yorkshire bender. Katch. I'll bottle ye with a bottle of Buckie ye English twat that ye are. Bill circled Katch with a murderous glint in his one remaining eye (he's kept that quiet, out of sheer frustration, his old spelling teacher had poked him in the left peeper with his ballpoint pen and bribed him to stay stum. At this point Katchum's kelpie appeared. 'Look at ta skinny yousless piece of fi hybrid shite' spat Bill. The proceedings began to look ugly. Katchum had gone from red in the face to white. His pup's honour was at stake. He rushed at Bill and managed to connect with an extremely limp wrist. Bill swore. "ya twat, ya fa fi hybrid vigour c**t i'll muller ye fi hybrid. At this point Katchum's Mrs came out and ordered Katchum in the house. Katchum slunk away trying not to catch my eye. Mrs Katchum then approached wild Bill and nutted him squarely on the nose. Bill managed to whisper "ya fi ta fi hybrid" and collapsed into unconsciousness. His bad eye stared at me grotesquely. Little did I know he was as good as dead, for within seconds Mrs Katchum jumped into a tractor loaded Bill onto the front loader and dumped him into a slurry pit. "That's the fifth one this month" she spat at me. He's forever picking fights on the internet. You keep your b*****d mouth shut, you decrepit smelly old c**t or you'll end up in that slurry pit along with the rest. " Madam" I said. " I am 70 years old, please speak to me respectfully. She kicked me in the balls, viciously. Not a bad pair she said, a lot bigger that Katchum's. "You flatter me Mrs". Mrs Katch interrupted. " Why don't you f**k off to the graveyard ya old skeleton. Just f**k off and keep your mouth shut or else I'm coming for you" You will understand fellow THL members. I was extremely upset. I have thought about my position for some time and decided to grass the Katchums up. I have therefore instructed plod to search a certain Yorkshire slurry pit. This is the last you will hear from me or Katch for some time. Katch will dining on english porridge and I am leaving the country in case Mrs Katch escapes and comes looking for me. Goodbye. Pissed meself reading that Quote Link to post
Black neck 16,275 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 8 minutes ago, jukel123 said: I can keep this secret no longer. I was called to act as witness, referee and banker to the showdown between Katchum and wild Bill. The purse was three quid, neither of the two c**ts had any money so I had to lend them £1.50 each which I kept safely in my pocket. I asked both men if they were ready to fight. The fight went something like this. Bill.....Ya ta fi hybrid c**t fi jukel, (commee c**t). have at ye ye scotch yorkshire bender. Katch. I'll bottle ye with a bottle of Buckie ye English twat that ye are. Bill circled Katch with a murderous glint in his one remaining eye (he's kept that quiet, out of sheer frustration, his old spelling teacher had poked him in the left peeper with his ballpoint pen and bribed him to stay stum. At this point Katchum's kelpie appeared. 'Look at ta skinny yousless piece of fi hybrid shite' spat Bill. The proceedings began to look ugly. Katchum had gone from red in the face to white. His pup's honour was at stake. He rushed at Bill and managed to connect with an extremely limp wrist. Bill swore. "ya twat, ya fa fi hybrid vigour c**t i'll muller ye fi hybrid. At this point Katchum's Mrs came out and ordered Katchum in the house. Katchum slunk away trying not to catch my eye. Mrs Katchum then approached wild Bill and nutted him squarely on the nose. Bill managed to whisper "ya fi ta fi hybrid" and collapsed into unconsciousness. His bad eye stared at me grotesquely. Little did I know he was as good as dead, for within seconds Mrs Katchum jumped into a tractor loaded Bill onto the front loader and dumped him into a slurry pit. "That's the fifth one this month" she spat at me. He's forever picking fights on the internet. You keep your b*****d mouth shut, you decrepit smelly old c**t or you'll end up in that slurry pit along with the rest. " Madam" I said. " I am 70 years old, please speak to me respectfully. She kicked me in the balls, viciously. Not a bad pair she said, a lot bigger that Katchum's. "You flatter me Mrs". Mrs Katch interrupted. " Why don't you f**k off to the graveyard ya old skeleton. Just f**k off and keep your mouth shut or else I'm coming for you" You will understand fellow THL members. I was extremely upset. I have thought about my position for some time and decided to grass the Katchums up. I have therefore instructed plod to search a certain Yorkshire slurry pit. This is the last you will hear from me or Katch for some time. Katch will dining on english porridge and I am leaving the country in case Mrs Katch escapes and comes looking for me. Goodbye. I thought that's what had happened Quote Link to post
dytkos 17,843 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Yes very good mate, could we have another thl Ramblestory ? Cheers, D. 1 Quote Link to post
poxon 5,791 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 14 minutes ago, jukel123 said: I can keep this secret no longer. I was called to act as witness, referee and banker to the showdown between Katchum and wild Bill. The purse was three quid, neither of the two c**ts had any money so I had to lend them £1.50 each which I kept safely in my pocket. I asked both men if they were ready to fight. The fight went something like this. Bill.....Ya ta fi hybrid c**t fi jukel, (commee c**t). have at ye ye scotch yorkshire bender. Katch. I'll bottle ye with a bottle of Buckie ye English twat that ye are. Bill circled Katch with a murderous glint in his one remaining eye (he's kept that quiet, out of sheer frustration, his old spelling teacher had poked him in the left peeper with his ballpoint pen and bribed him to stay stum. At this point Katchum's kelpie appeared. 'Look at ta skinny yousless piece of fi hybrid shite' spat Bill. The proceedings began to look ugly. Katchum had gone from red in the face to white. His pup's honour was at stake. He rushed at Bill and managed to connect with an extremely limp wrist. Bill swore. "ya twat, ya fa fi hybrid vigour c**t i'll muller ye fi hybrid. At this point Katchum's Mrs came out and ordered Katchum in the house. Katchum slunk away trying not to catch my eye. Mrs Katchum then approached wild Bill and nutted him squarely on the nose. Bill managed to whisper "ya fi ta fi hybrid" and collapsed into unconsciousness. His bad eye stared at me grotesquely. Little did I know he was as good as dead, for within seconds Mrs Katchum jumped into a tractor loaded Bill onto the front loader and dumped him into a slurry pit. "That's the fifth one this month" she spat at me. He's forever picking fights on the internet. You keep your b*****d mouth shut, you decrepit smelly old c**t or you'll end up in that slurry pit along with the rest. " Madam" I said. " I am 70 years old, please speak to me respectfully. She kicked me in the balls, viciously. Not a bad pair she said, a lot bigger that Katchum's. "You flatter me Mrs". Mrs Katch interrupted. " Why don't you f**k off to the graveyard ya old skeleton. Just f**k off and keep your mouth shut or else I'm coming for you" You will understand fellow THL members. I was extremely upset. I have thought about my position for some time and decided to grass the Katchums up. I have therefore instructed plod to search a certain Yorkshire slurry pit. This is the last you will hear from me or Katch for some time. Katch will dining on english porridge and I am leaving the country in case Mrs Katch escapes and comes looking for me. Goodbye. Hope you asked them both on numeral occasions if they wanted to shake hands mate boys Quote Link to post
forest of dean redneck 11,772 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 27 minutes ago, king said: Randy bo bandy 1 Quote Link to post
king 11,984 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 6 minutes ago, poxon said: Hope you asked them both on numeral occasions if they wanted to shake hands mate boys More chance of them touching japs eyes 1 Quote Link to post
poxon 5,791 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 Just now, king said: More chance of them touching japs eyes With there tongues 1 Quote Link to post
king 11,984 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 1 minute ago, poxon said: With there tongues Filthy beasts they are.. They be platting each other's pubes the way they are going.. 1 Quote Link to post
shaaark 10,937 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 the f**k is wrong with you lot?! 2 Quote Link to post
poxon 5,791 Posted January 13, 2020 Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 23 minutes ago, king said: Filthy beasts they are.. They be platting each other's pubes the way they are going.. Probably already have the pube platt of peace mate that’s why they not been going at each other they called a trues 1 Quote Link to post
Black neck 16,275 Posted January 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2020 42 minutes ago, W. Katchum said: My missus is Irish Nevermind Quote Link to post
jukel123 8,827 Posted January 17, 2020 Report Share Posted January 17, 2020 (edited) I am even more scared now. Katch has been back on here which means he is still free. The cops must have ignored my confidential info about the slurry pit, maybe they have more important matters and are pursuing some hare coursing desperadoes. Poor Bill must be well decomposed by now. I have not slept because I know a certain lady does not take kindly to being grassed up. PS. Katch has taken this with good humour, but I'm f****n dead if and when Bill reads it. Edited January 17, 2020 by jukel123 2 Quote Link to post
shaaark 10,937 Posted January 17, 2020 Report Share Posted January 17, 2020 1 hour ago, jukel123 said: I am even more scared now. Katch has been back on here which means he is still free. The cops must have ignored my confidential info about the slurry pit, maybe they have more important matters and are pursuing some hare coursing desperadoes. Poor Bill must be well decomposed by now. I have not slept because I know a certain lady does not take kindly to being grassed up. PS. Katch has taken this with good humour, but I'm f****n dead if and when Bill reads it. Does he know your post code? 1 Quote Link to post
Saltmoon 2,208 Posted January 17, 2020 Report Share Posted January 17, 2020 7 hours ago, jukel123 said: I am even more scared now. Katch has been back on here which means he is still free. The cops must have ignored my confidential info about the slurry pit, maybe they have more important matters and are pursuing some hare coursing desperadoes. Poor Bill must be well decomposed by now. I have not slept because I know a certain lady does not take kindly to being grassed up. PS. Katch has taken this with good humour, but I'm f****n dead if and when Bill reads it. You just wait for big bad bill to rock up he be asking for a straightener with you now 1 Quote Link to post
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