Fantastic Day

[jukel123 8,650]

I am writing this with a stiff malt in my hand. The only decent thing that's happened today. Let me begin.

I am driving about a mile away from home when I am witness to a car accident. I stopped to see if anybody was hurt. Everybody ok but a roe buck is lying with a broken leg. The poor bugger was balling like a calf, desperately trying to get to its feet. I put my jacket over its head and carried it to a hedge away from traffic. I went to get a knife from my boot intending to put it out of its misery. I approached the animal with my knife concealed so that the car occupants wouldn't be alarmed. I figured they were city people who thought meat came in polythene packets. Suddenly  one of the female car occupants spotted me and began wailing and screaming. She looked like a professional vegan/anorexic. She told me to leave the poor animal alone and that she was going to report me go the police. Alarm bells began to ring in my head. Technically I may be guilty of an offence. f**k it I thought,I 'll ring the police myself. The police eventually arrived. Vegan/ anorexic was having some sort of anxiety attack and was gibbering something incomprehensible about me being some sort of Jack the ripper. I decided I wouldn't talk to her or even exchange eye contact with the hysterical bitch. When she had  finished her fit, I explained the situstion to the cop who looked like he was on work experience, he looked younger and smaller than my 12 year old grandson. To be fair he grasped the situation quickly, turned down my offer of dispatching the beast either by knife or rifle and called a vet. The vet arrived twenty five minutes later and gave the animal a needle.So one creature in absolute agony for over an hour.  My eardrums assaulted by a squealing bitch and my morning ruined.

I arrived home to find my wife warming up a bumble bee and feeding it dilute honey. Advice she got off the internet. I'm looking for tea and sympathy  and she's obsessed with a f***ing bee.I f**k off into the garden in a huff. Suddenly   I heard one of my dogs yelp in pain. I went to see what the problem was.The revived bee had stung the dog on the tongue. I had to suppress the urge to mutter "stupid woman" and went back outside to continue my sulk. Two minutes later she hollers me into the house. The dog's tongue had swollen up .ike arugby ball, the poor bugger couldn't breathe. Off to vets,touch and go for a while but eventually the dog's ok. So a f***ing great day.I'm looking forward to the bill.

To add insult to injury my wife of nearly fifty years is taking the piss saying "poor me,  poor me, pour me another drink" and i can't think of anything to say back. f***ing day!

Edited March 28, 2019 by jukel123

[jiggy 3,209]

You should of stabbed the vegan, brought home and ate the roe, squashed the bee and then the dog would of been fine and you could relax and have a malt.

[kanny 20,724]

Enjoy your whiskey you have certainly earned it  

[Arry 22,461]

Good on you mate , sometimes got to hold the tongue, done the right thing mate. I'm surrounded by the Hessen bag gay red haired vegan twats where I live, they would prosecute me if I farted. They have no idea how nature works.

Cheers Arry

[forest of dean redneck 11,721]

Your a glass half full kind of fella really arnt you

[jukel123 8,650]

28 minutes ago, forest of dean redneck said:

Your a glass half full kind of fella really arnt you

f**k off.

[gnasher16 30,455]

You lefties are so pathetic.....any sort of a man would of slit Bambis throat,tore a chunk out of its hindquarter before spitting it at the hysterical bitch....lobbed it on the back seat before wheel spinning away from the scene.....got home smashed a rolled up newspaper over the bee and told the ol woman to get the dinner on while you took the dog for a walk.

That way you could of necked your malt instead of sipped at it.

[jukel123 8,650]

f**k off. When Diane is home secretary she will deport you to Ireland where you will be doomed to drink Guiness and eat jellied eels with Wilf. You wiil be forced to earn a living by becoming a tribute act to Chas and Dave whilst you both get off on memories of Bobby fackin Moore. 

Edited March 28, 2019 by jukel123

[Astanley 11,580]

Your day seems ok mate ,the dog that got stung had a bad day ,the deer has probably had better days ,the mad vegans in the accident had a bit of a pisser ,but you're day was defi natly ok ...count your blessings

[JDHUNTING 1,817]

2 hours ago, jukel123 said:

I am writing this with a stiff malt in my hand.

When your finished ask him if he's going to start posting again

[jukel123 8,650]

13 hours ago, JDHUNTING said:

When your finished ask him if he's going to start posting again

He says he's never coming back. We are going to emigrate to Moochers with chartpolski.....far too many unsympathetic sarky fuckers on here

Edited March 29, 2019 by jukel123

[Meece 1,958]

 

It's all your fault. You do realise this don't you.

2 hours ago, jukel123 said:

I am writing this with a stiff malt in my hand. The only decent thing that's happened today. 

Well, there's a lot of blokes that would love to have their stiff malt in hand.

Quote

I am driving about a mile away from home when I am witness to a car accident. I stopped to see if anybody was hpurt.

Drive on by. Don't get involved. It always comes back to bite you in the bum.

 

  the situation quickly, turned down my offer of dispatching the beast either by knife or rifle.

It's a wonder that you didn't get done for carrying a knife in a public place.

I arrived home to find my wife warming up a bumble bee and feeding it dilute honey. Advice she got off the internet. I'm looking for tea and sympathy  and she's obsessed with a f***ing bee.I f**k off into the garden in a huff. Suddenly   I heard one of my dogs yelp in pain. I went to see what the problem was.The revived bee had stung the dog on the tongue.

Failure to anticipate the actions of a dog.

I had to suppress the urge to mutter "stupid woman"

Corbin had to apologise to Teresa May for mouthing those words. Your skating on thin ice there.

and went back outside to continue my sulk. Two minutes later she hollers me into the house. The dog's tongue had swollen up .ike arugby ball, the poor bugger couldn't breathe. 

Failure to care for the dogs welfare after an incident that you were aware of !

To add insult to injury my wife of nearly fifty years is taking the piss saying "poor me,  poor me, pour me another drink" and i can't think of anything to say back. f***ing day!

Oh you bad man you.

29 minutes ago, Astanley said:

Your day seems ok mate ,the dog that got stung had a bad day ,the deer has probably had better days ,the mad vegans in the accident had a bit of a pisser ,but you're day was defi natly ok ...count your blessings

about the measure of it. Good job you didnt shoot it. Or you could have been done for using a firearm out of the cert terms in a public place. And having a knife in public. Still tomorrow is another day.

[Squirrel_Basher 17,100]

14 hours ago, Meece said:

 

It's all your fault. You do realise this don't you.

Well, there's a lot of blokes that would love to have their stiff malt in hand.

Oh you bad man you.

about the measure of it. Good job you didnt shoot it. Or you could have been done for using a firearm out of the cert terms in a public place. And having a knife in public. Still tomorrow is another day.

Not at all mate .Mate of mine is on the register for rta despatch and has shot many deer roadside .The usual gun is a 12 bore shotgun but he always take the rifle in case it’s too lively .Its his choice what he use and when he uses it and where he decides is best to use it .ie in the road or verge side .His number plate is off the pnc because of this .Ive been with him to the larger deer we have ie fallow bucks thrashing about .Police are usually in attendance but not every time but they deal with vegan types .

[Meece 1,958]

33 minutes ago, foxdropper said:

Mate of mine is on the register for rta despatch and has shot many deer roadside

 Do you have a condition on your cert ?

[delswal 3,819]

On 28/03/2019 at 13:37, jukel123 said:

I am writing this with a stiff malt in my hand. The only decent thing that's happened today. Let me begin.

I am driving about a mile away from home when I am witness to a car accident. I stopped to see if anybody was hurt. Everybody ok but a roe buck is lying with a broken leg. The poor bugger was balling like a calf, desperately trying to get to its feet. I put my jacket over its head and carried it to a hedge away from traffic. I went to get a knife from my boot intending to put it out of its misery. I approached the animal with my knife concealed so that the car occupants wouldn't be alarmed. I figured they were city people who thought meat came in polythene packets. Suddenly  one of the female car occupants spotted me and began wailing and screaming. She looked like a professional vegan/anorexic. She told me to leave the poor animal alone and that she was going to report me go the police. Alarm bells began to ring in my head. Technically I may be guilty of an offence. f**k it I thought,I 'll ring the police myself. The police eventually arrived. Vegan/ anorexic was having some sort of anxiety attack and was gibbering something incomprehensible about me being some sort of Jack the ripper. I decided I wouldn't talk to her or even exchange eye contact with the hysterical bitch. When she had  finished her fit, I explained the situstion to the cop who looked like he was on work experience, he looked younger and smaller than my 12 year old grandson. To be fair he grasped the situation quickly, turned down my offer of dispatching the beast either by knife or rifle and called a vet. The vet arrived twenty five minutes later and gave the animal a needle.So one creature in absolute agony for over an hour.  My eardrums assaulted by a squealing bitch and my morning ruined.

I arrived home to find my wife warming up a bumble bee and feeding it dilute honey. Advice she got off the internet. I'm looking for tea and sympathy  and she's obsessed with a f***ing bee.I f**k off into the garden in a huff. Suddenly   I heard one of my dogs yelp in pain. I went to see what the problem was.The revived bee had stung the dog on the tongue. I had to suppress the urge to mutter "stupid woman" and went back outside to continue my sulk. Two minutes later she hollers me into the house. The dog's tongue had swollen up .ike arugby ball, the poor bugger couldn't breathe. Off to vets,touch and go for a while but eventually the dog's ok. So a f***ing great day.I'm looking forward to the bill.

To add insult to injury my wife of nearly fifty years is taking the piss saying "poor me,  poor me, pour me another drink" and i can't think of anything to say back. f***ing day!

Could be worse, I came to hospital for a quick visit and a quicker routine so I thought. They decided you're  staying here till next Thursday then ya having a quadruple by-pass, so if ya got any of that malt left, pour me a double pal. In fact bring the bottle ward 26 Castle hill lol