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The Perfect Cafe


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Now, obviously “The Cafe” is a serious ritual amongst proper chaps, so what are your Cafe must have and must nots?.......mine are:

Tea has to be really strong and served in a heavy plain white mug (god forbid NEVER a coffee cup with some legend emblazoned on the side!!)

Mushrooms must always be fried, NEVER EVER tinned or, horror or horrors, BOILED !!! :bad:

Liver has to be cooked boot leather tough.

Whats your Cafe nirvana?

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Never get my head around chips in a fry up or a burger patty.

Tomatoes have to be fresh tomatoes cut in half or quarters and fried and if any Cafe decides to put tinned ones on your plate making everything soggy walk out, I also agree with the Yorkshire Gold in

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  On 22/12/2017 at 18:09, WILF said:

Now, obviously “The Cafe” is a serious ritual amongst proper chaps, so what are your Cafe must have and must nots?.......mine are:

Tea has to be really strong and served in a heavy plain white mug (god forbid NEVER a coffee cup with some legend emblazoned on the side!!)

Mushrooms must always be fried, NEVER EVER tinned or, horror or horrors, BOILED !!! :bad:

Liver has to be cooked boot leather tough.

Whats your Cafe nirvana?

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I agree with that. The mug needs to be oversized though and the tea needs to be Yorkshire Gold. Black Pudding needs to be from Bury.

Being at a 5000-mile disadvantage I have to do this myself. Luckily I have an excellent butcher. Saying that I frequent a couple of excellent Yank diners that can hold their own with the motherland.

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  On 22/12/2017 at 18:21, baker boy said:

Brown sauce and ketchup in bottles not silly little sachets like some poncey caf a few days ago

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The price I pay for HP would make your toes curl. It's mandatory though.

  On 22/12/2017 at 18:25, WILF said:

All good calls so far lads, I’ll add another:

Beans must always sit in isolation, never drown anything else on the plate 

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As above but I will pay the premium for Heinz. Bush's BBQ are for campfires only. If the beans are touching anything else on the plate I send it back.

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Went for the breakfast one morning and one of the lads ( 6' 5" 19 stone) ordered his breakfast and told the poor waitress not to bring his tea in a ball scalder. The waitress asked "what's a ball scalder ?" He said "one of those mugs you cant get a finger through the handle."  He meant a tea cup.

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  On 22/12/2017 at 18:33, Born Hunter said:

Eggs have to be actually cooked, that means no snotty whites. I can't believe I even have to say that but I've experienced it.

Also if they don't do black pudding then they are just playing at it.

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Your not allowed an opinion seeing as you are EDUMACATED an all !!.......you are considered a “Cereal and Sushi” man !! :laugh:

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A couple of newspapers 

I like a pot of tea brought out before your meal , 

sugar from a pourer, I don’t like being asked if everything’s okay a dozen times as well 

also important is a window seat , I like to look out at the world if needs be, not stuck up against a supporting strut or god forbid a fuvking wooden dividing rail 

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  On 22/12/2017 at 18:35, WILF said:

Your not allowed an opinion seeing as you are EDUMACATED an all !!.......you are considered a “Cereal and Sushi” man !! :laugh:

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I'll f***ing show you my 'cereal and sushi' breaky in the morning! :D Propper decent place I've been pointed to for my Saturday cafe about 3 weeks back. Its f***ing murder finding a good cafe that's not in town.

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  On 22/12/2017 at 18:33, Born Hunter said:

Eggs have to be actually cooked, that means no snotty whites. I can't believe I even have to say that but I've experienced it.

Also if they don't do black pudding then they are just playing at it.

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This is my pet peeve too,  nothing worse on a breakfast plate than snotty undercooked eggs 

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IMG_1010.thumb.JPG.8e6441131a3dcf2ea5cdcd07598792fa.JPGTomatoes have to be fresh tomatoes cut in half or quarters and fried and if any Cafe decides to put tinned ones on your plate making everything soggy walk out, I also agree with the Yorkshire Gold in the correct receptacle.

Edited by FLATTOP
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