Question for THL agony aunts

[jukel123 8,017]

Do what your gut tells you.Advice is just speculation really, you know the full facts, you feel the situation, nobody else. Don't listen to all these nosy, gossipy old women on here. They know feck all, bunch of sweetie wives. And I don't mean Kay or Skycat. Where's that feckin coat of mine.

[ChrisJones 7,975]

1 minute ago, jukel123 said:

Do what your gut tells you.Advice is just speculation really, you know the full facts, you feel the situation, nobody else. Don't listen to all these nosy, gossipy old women on here. They know feck all, bunch of sweetie wives. And I don't mean Kay or Skycat. Where's that feckin coat of mine.

 

[Astanley 11,568]

At least he didn't name you Sue before he left ,.

[Bushhound 50]

Better off without him,No second chances.not just being a nob to you but upsetting your kids.

[FLATTOP 4,448]

My old man f****d off when I was five I'm 53 now my youngest son tracked him down to Liverpool indisputable proof it was him I wrote a lengthy letter went to post it then thought bollocks to him I don't need the grief my wife and two lads are all I need.

My advise is tip him bollocks but what ever any one says on here you will go with your gut. 

[TAXI DRIVER 549]

I don`t think it`s healthy for anyone to have unanswered questions running around inside your head. Meet up and ask all your questions and then make your mind up. Remember you`re only here once.

[Meece 1,957]

My father sort of moved out to work away from mum and our family. They didn't divorce and neither took another partner but I never knew him as a father. He was never nasty to me but it was not nice to mum and all of us. We all went short in lots of ways both emotionality and materially. But as I am a parent and grandparent I know that he lost out on being a father to us and a grandfather to our kids. That was the price he had to pay for the actions that he undertook. When he died he went down the hole and I remember looking down on the box with no emotion at all. I might have been at the funeral of a complete stranger. Mum is planted next to him and when I go to see her grave l remember her and her love for me and my siblings. I don't have any connection with my father and his headstone is just another person's headstone. The silly thing is that he just hurt himself and lost more than any of us. Personally I would cut him loose. You had to go and find him and he was the one that behaved badly. He was the one that walked away from your mother and you. Perhaps he might try to blame his problems on his father's issues but I don't go and unload problems that I might have upon my children and grandchildren. Who knows what effect it might have on them. Conversely my step grandfather died when I was 5 but I remember him with fondness as a nice caring person even though I don't have any lingering memories of him. I do remember the shock on me of his sudden death even though I was only 5. I wouldn't bring a third parties problems into my world and the lives of my children that might remain in their minds for the rest of their lives. It might even have a bad effect on them. Only you know what you feel and want. How strong are you!

[blackmaggie 3,376]

My old man  was my hero I went out with the dogs with him when ever i could but he was hard a dog was either a sleeper or keeper and he was as hard on us he left when I was 11 no interest in is 5 sons once he met is new woman now his wife I've met him a few times since in the pub but my feeling have gone there's no second chances and my sons don't or will know him but talk with your Mrs Buddy and follow your heart 

[Dinosaurs 2,044]

At end of day can only be your decision. But no harm in meeting him & finding out what was going on. But i would keep your kids distant from him untill he earns your full trust. Respect can only be given when earned. Atb which ever way you choose. Atb

[king 11,972]

9 hours ago, mackem said:

You have your own family now,thats the important thing,my kids never saw my father,when they were small I used to tell them my parents died in a plane crash  it shut them up my father died last year,hadnt seen him since I was 16,he had cancer,not my problem,never went to his funeral,never really thought of it till now.My kids now call me a cruel f****r and laugh BUT I would crawl over broken glass for them that's the difference.

Very similar path I went down Mackem.

My father walked when I was 4.i knocked his door at 17.he opened the door and said to me Lester [him] doesent live here he lives a few doors down and closed the door.

I remember standing outside taking it all in being a bit surprised.thats what you call a proper prick doing that I thought.

I said to the wife 3yrs ago we are going to have a phone call soon about my father.

3 months later my auntie rang the wife. She called me from the kitchen.Marilyn wants to speak to you.

I looked at the wife and said this is that call.

And Marilyn told me he had died from a brain tumour.

I didn't go to the funeral either.feck him 

 

[Qbgrey 4,091]

Its tricky,id find out the reason he f...d off from your mum,you say beer,pub,...mmmmm? I have no respect for a man,and i know loads,who beer,sport,has lost them thier family.id love to go to pub every day,but family first,if i got a few pound left ill have a pint.....id explain to him your familys needs come first,money,support and being thier for them.see how it pans out......if not Jeremy kyle it is

[The one 8,477]

Its a bad time of the year to be f*cked about again , if you feel you have questions you still want answered  meet up and ask them but be careful  keep a arm length till your sure whats going on in his head this time . Other wise you have your own family and thats all you really need  when you come home from work etc you close the door confined in the wife  play with the kids that's all you really need  

[jukel123 8,017]

Did he cough up financially when he left? If not, tell him you will meet him again when he's settled up with your mother. I'm serious. Splitting up is one thing. Abandoning all financial responsibility is unforgivable in my book.

[stealthy1 3,964]

Go and see what's up, you had 18 months all good, go and see what's gone wrong, you will always wonder if you don't.  May not be easy for the old boy after all these years.  Sounds like he's had time to think, you may not like what he says, but you have to go, or you'll never know.