Question for THL agony aunts

[trigger2 3,145]

3 hours ago, dave88 said:

Just want opinions really lads....back in Dec 2013 when I was 25 I tracked down my biological father...he left my mum before i was born so I'd never met the bloke before. From the get go we got along like a house on fire,  he loved fishing, drinking beer...we had a lot in common and my kids loved him.  His missus is a lovely woman and I met 3 half siblings I didn' know I had....everything was going swimmingly. About 18 months later....so middle of 2015 things started going down hill..wont go in to detail but he was acting a c**t and I hated being around the bloke....but rather than sit down man to man and sort it which I was prepared to do he text me whilst I was at work one day and said maybe we shouldn't see each other any more....cut off all ties with me and my 3 kids. Fast forward to yesterday,  he text me apologizing and asking if i wanted to go out for a beer and sort out what happened.  In 2 minds as to what I should do...what would you lads do? 

if youve still got alot of unanswered questions you would like to ask then i would try and turn it to your advantage. text him back and tell him if hes serious about meeting back up then you want answers no bull shit. give him another shot if thats what you want, end of the day its your desicion. its allready been mentioned it might be a good idea to see how things go with the other siblings. even if he had stopped around when you was growing up it dont mean you would have a relationship with now. what you got to lose.

[WILF 46,794]

11 minutes ago, ChrisJones said:

F*ck*ng hell mate. Not like you to sit on the fence!

Joking aside I have some experience of this in so much as my wife has a very similar situation.

I have watched her make an effort only to be let down time and time again over the years but it’s her dad and so I let her crack on and just support her when it inevitably leads to a kick in the teeth.

So, from my experience I can say this, the bloke knew he had a son......and he makes no effort at all in 25 years to see that son, that my friends has all the hallmarks of a f***ing immature prick!

Wild horses wouldn’t stop me seeing a child of mine so you have to ask yourself, if it was you would you just cry off or make a sustained effort to see your son?

If you would make the effort (which most proper chaps would) then you probably don’t have a lot in common other than some DNA and you probably won’t get on long term.

thats the boring practical reply........or you could just say, go and f**k yourself !! 

[ChrisJones 7,975]

1 minute ago, WILF said:

Joking aside I have some experience of this in so much as my wife has a very similar situation.

I have watched her make an effort only to be let down time and time again over the years but it’s her dad and so I let her crack on and just support her when it inevitably leads to a kick in the teeth.

So, from my experience I can say this, the bloke knew he had a son......and he makes no effort at all in 25 years to see that son, that my friends has all the hallmarks of a f***ing immature prick!

Wild horses wouldn’t stop me seeing a child of mine so you have to ask yourself, if it was you would you just cry off or make a sustained effort to see your son?

If you would make the effort (which most proper chaps would) then you probably don’t have a lot in common other than some DNA and you probably won’t get on long term.

thats the boring practical reply........or you could just say, go and f**k yourself !! 

Fair one, mate. I have a rule I apply to many situations.

1. First is a fluke.
2. Second is a coincidence.
3. The third is a pattern.

I sleep better knowing that once those criteria are fulfilled I don't have to waste further energy on the matter and I can concentrate on other more important things. I know that way I haven't left anything to chance.

[lurcherman 887 13,129]

f**k him off 

[mackem 26,397]

2 minutes ago, lurcherman 887 said:

f**k him off 

Sage advice

[THE STIFFMEISTER 15,875]

I had a similar thing , 

my dad never bothered with me not one iota , he had me to my mam and two kids to another , then he stepped away and moved his ready made family into the house next door to my nana the necky c**t , 

christmases saw his other two kids going in etc and when they had kids the same. 

I got nothing , as well in nothing 

at 16 when it was apparent I was the only one to make something of myself , he tried to build bridges do he got told that he was alright but he’s not my dad 

I speak , I say Hiya in the pub, that’s it. The sad thing is that we would have got along, all my mates love him as he’s a bit of a lad, he likes the women and he’s good banter we’re into the same things, he even shoots and beats at the same estate I did. 

When my oldest was born , he came up all pally and what not in the pub , again he was told that she’s nothing to him , or ever would be. 

It would have been a slap in the face for my mam who grafted all her life as she was too proud to the csa 

I didn’t need him then , so I definitely don’t need him now, 

In a way, he gave me nothing, but gave me everything 

funny how it works itself out ain’t it? 

 

[trappa 518]

Mate no offence but he sounds like a prick. 25 years and doesnt show interest in getting in touch, that s a cnuts trick for me. As for "he liked fishing and drinking beer"......every bloke likes fishing and drinking beer, its in our blood.

Give him a second chance, everyone deserves that and hear him out but dont get swayed cos hes "blokey" and a bit of a jack the lad.

[dave88 1,565]

Cheers lads....I knew trying the old 'Dear Deidre' on here would pay off haha... exchanged a few messages with him earlier and he's saying losing his old man messed his head up and he wasn't himself...he lost his dad at the end of 2014, about 6 months before he more or less told me to jog on. Whether I believe it or not I'm not sure but grief can make you do weird stuff.  If I was a single bloke I'd go for it but obviously have the wife and kids to consider...cheers again for the advice

[dave88 1,565]

2 hours ago, ginger beard said:

The fact that you had to track him down first says it all.tell him to get f****d.what does your mum think about it.?

Never thought I'd be having a decent,  normal conversation with you ginge. My mum was absolutely spot on about it....from the age of about 10 she always said the decision was up to me...all the stuff that happened between them happened 30 odd years ago, she' not bitter about any if it at all

[THE STIFFMEISTER 15,875]

i used to take a perverse pride in it mate , 

if anyone asked “ whose you’re dad son? “ 

“I haven’t got one” was the reply 

I have a son of my own now, he looks like me so he looks like my dad. He’ll never know him. Or ever need to. 

“A man makes his own way in this world, nobody gives you anything , you have to take it. Non servium “ 

 

 

[jiggy 3,209]

Don't listen to any advice on here as their is probably a forum somewhere for THL members dads where all they talk about is what ungrateful little spoilt make no effort  w*nkers that their sons are.????

[mackem 26,397]

11 minutes ago, dave88 said:

 If I was a single bloke I'd go for it but obviously have the wife and kids to consider.

You have your own family now,thats the important thing,my kids never saw my father,when they were small I used to tell them my parents died in a plane crash  it shut them up my father died last year,hadnt seen him since I was 16,he had cancer,not my problem,never went to his funeral,never really thought of it till now.My kids now call me a cruel f****r and laugh BUT I would crawl over broken glass for them that's the difference.

[ChrisJones 7,975]

22 minutes ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

In a way, he gave me nothing, but gave me everything 

funny how it works itself out ain’t it?

1

Funny you should post that, my friend. I've just had a similar conversation with my dad. His biological dad ran out on him before he was born. His step-dad took him on after WW2 and raised him as his own. I've been really fortunate as I've always had my dad around. When we were younger I didn't get to spend a lot of time with him and it wasn't clear why until I had kids of my own. It's all about providing.

Flash forward to 2017 and they've flown out here for Christmas. I've been looking forward to it since they got the flights sorted, and so have they. I love every minute that they're here and pine every minute until they come again. I know my kids feel the same because I adjusted my circumstances, in the last decade, to be around as much as I possibly could for them.

As great or as shit a deal as life sends us it's that struggle that makes us what we are. Cherish those that stick around as you're clearly doing something right for them to want to do so. You're absolutely spot on though, mate. It is indeed funny how it works itself out. 

[WILF 46,794]

1 hour ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

i used to take a perverse pride in it mate , 

if anyone asked “ whose you’re dad son? “ 

“I haven’t got one” was the reply 

I have a son of my own now, he looks like me so he looks like my dad. He’ll never know him. Or ever need to. 

“A man makes his own way in this world, nobody gives you anything , you have to take it. Non servium “ 

 

 

I genuinely pity that poor lad......see, some kids get a war hero dad, a square jawed fighting machine who strolls across the battlefield paying no heed to his own safety, destroying enemies in his wake......a man revered and admired by his peers..........

That poor lad however get the military equivalent of Gemma Collins as a pop!.......thank f**k he has me as a role model is all I can say ! 

[Kay 3,709]

6 hours ago, dave88 said:

Just want opinions really lads....back in Dec 2013 when I was 25 I tracked down my biological father...he left my mum before i was born so I'd never met the bloke before. From the get go we got along like a house on fire,  he loved fishing, drinking beer...we had a lot in common and my kids loved him.  His missus is a lovely woman and I met 3 half siblings I didn' know I had....everything was going swimmingly. About 18 months later....so middle of 2015 things started going down hill..wont go in to detail but he was acting a c**t and I hated being around the bloke....but rather than sit down man to man and sort it which I was prepared to do he text me whilst I was at work one day and said maybe we shouldn't see each other any more....cut off all ties with me and my 3 kids. Fast forward to yesterday,  he text me apologizing and asking if i wanted to go out for a beer and sort out what happened.  In 2 minds as to what I should do...what would you lads do? 

I would go out of curiosity he must have an agenda & I would want to know what it is, maybe his relationships broken up, maybe he wants something & thought you might be able to assist him, maybe he has got some health issue , or maybe he just wants to apologise   & re build a relationship with you, only one way to find out