jukel123 8,657 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 I've been happily married 45 years, she hasn't but I have. The secret of my happiness is my ability to wind my Mrs up whenever I want. Take last night. I'm watching stuff on Youtube. She's watching Strictly shite. The fat jockess lass has completed her wobbly dance and is making her way up the stairs. The other contestants are clapping like f***ing demented sea lions. I say:"Jesus it's like North Korea, one little fat arsehole being insanely clapped." No response, but I know I'm beginning to get to her. I try again."I thought she was gay, how come she's not dancing with another lesbian? No response. "What about that poofter vicar, does he dance with another bloke."? "Just let me enjoy it without your comments for once. Watch your boxing. You like watching half dressed men, it turns you on." "I coulda been a contender, anyway, my secret's out I'm on a gay dating site." "Good". Meanwhile I find a gay dating site on the web and find some bloke dressed in leathers with a feather up his arse. I turn the screen towards her. "Here's my new boyfriend." "For God's sake let me watch telly". Round one to me. She then turns on something she's recorded:"The Dog Rescuers". It starts off with some joker dressed as a copper knocking on some poor old lady's house. "I need to come in and look at your dogs". I say: "I need to kick that fella's arse, What a liberty, barging into a vulnerable old lady's house". The upshot is the dogs are bald and stink a bit ( they are twelve and thirteen years old) and the fake copper pressures her into signing the dogs over to the RSPCA. I say: "I'm f***ing bald and stink, I hope you won't sign me over". "Don't count on it" Bitch. Round two to her. "Why don't they treat the dogs mange and give them back to her in front of the cameras. I'm sure they could spin it so that they are a wonderful organisation making old ladies happy. Happiness all round. f***ing poverty porn this is.That goody two shoes presenter makes me squirm as well...another Rolf Harris he is." She then screams "just let me watch in peace". "I'm mansplaining. You need me to point these things out to you" I'm going to the other room and watch telly in there". I win. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dave88 1,565 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 Haha i wind the missus up all the time but it's just too easy these days Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel cain 46,190 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 I have to be careful my Mrs gets punchy lol. Atb dc 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TAXI DRIVER 549 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 Try and be nice to her,she may get her tits out for you you grumpy twat. lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lenmcharristar 9,901 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 tell her you bet you can make her moan after sex, then climb off and clean your schlong on the curtains. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sussex 5,777 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 I've been happily married 45 years, she hasn't but I have. The secret of my happiness is my ability to wind my Mrs up whenever I want. Take last night. I'm watching stuff on Youtube. She's watching Strictly shite. The fat jockess lass has completed her wobbly dance and is making her way up the stairs. The other contestants are clapping like f***ing demented sea lions. I say:"Jesus it's like North Korea, one little fat arsehole being insanely clapped." No response, but I know I'm beginning to get to her. I try again."I thought she was gay, how come she's not dancing with another lesbian? No response. "What about that poofter vicar, does he dance with another bloke."? "Just let me enjoy it without your comments for once. Watch your boxing. You like watching half dressed men, it turns you on." "I coulda been a contender, anyway, my secret's out I'm on a gay dating site." "Good". Meanwhile I find a gay dating site on the web and find some bloke dressed in leathers with a feather up his arse. I turn the screen towards her. "Here's my new boyfriend." "For God's sake let me watch telly". Round one to me. She then turns on something she's recorded:"The Dog Rescuers". It starts off with some joker dressed as a copper knocking on some poor old lady's house. "I need to come in and look at your dogs". I say: "I need to kick that fella's arse, What a liberty, barging into a vulnerable old lady's house". The upshot is the dogs are bald and stink a bit ( they are twelve and thirteen years old) and the fake copper pressures her into signing the dogs over to the RSPCA. I say: "I'm f***ing bald and stink, I hope you won't sign me over". "Don't count on it" Bitch. Round two to her. "Why don't they treat the dogs mange and give them back to her in front of the cameras. I'm sure they could spin it so that they are a wonderful organisation making old ladies happy. Happiness all round. f***ing poverty porn this is.That goody two shoes presenter makes me squirm as well...another Rolf Harris he is." She then screams "just let me watch in peace". "I'm mansplaining. You need me to point these things out to you" I'm going to the other room and watch telly in there". I win. Fcuking creased up reading that , it was like a replay of my night except I left the room ??and I've only been married six years ... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Accip74 7,112 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 With a french wife the material is fcuking endless, especially if she is watching french TV. I'm pretty relentless, but occasionally have to remind myself she allowed me to retire from the work place, so allow a brief respite......;-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mackem 27,507 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 I like a harmonious relationship so I never wind her up,and I am given a free reign when I want to go on holiday alone Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,819 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 Was the title of the post a Freudian slip? Cheers, D. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
forest of dean redneck 11,722 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 What's strictly? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 9,982 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 What's stric Dancing program its ok, we watch it it gets better when the last 6 are left in the show, then watch match of the day later not bad night on the box with few cans 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kanny 20,750 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 Do all men watch YouTube then whilst there other halfs watch there mind numbing spirit crushing drivel ? Sounds exactly like my house 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel cain 46,190 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 Yes kanny or come on here when her in doors has the tv remote lol. Atb dc 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 Do all men watch YouTube then whilst there other halfs watch there mind numbing spirit crushing drivel ? Sounds exactly like my house And mine ! I've got my head buried in all things hunting, while she oohs and aahs over some prat baking a cake, or a bunch of tiresome Londoners shouting at each other...... The trick is to learn to nod and say "yeah" in all the right places, while paying no attention whatsoever - if you can fake sincerity, you've got it made ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kanny 20,750 Posted September 24, 2017 Report Share Posted September 24, 2017 YouTube is a journey you start looking at some bit of kit video and before you know it 3 hours have passed and your watching crazy drunk Russian fighting in the street how does that happen? 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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