abarrett 462 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Bloke goes to the doctors only to find his old doc has been replaced By a young blonde lady doctor Doctor says come in sit down now I don't want you to be embarrassed You can tell me anything and I will do all I can to help you Know what is the problem Bloke says do you think my dick tastes funny 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 What do you call a chinese car theif Tommytookamomo 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 The Pope is diagnosed with a rare form of testicular cancer, and he's told it can only be cured by having sex. A few days later, he calls his cardinals together, to announce his decision. "After much prayer and deliberation, I have decided that it would be best for the future of the Church, if I agree to do this", he says, " but we MUST have some conditions in place. If word of this ever gets out, the Church will be ruined !" The cardinals chatter among themselves, before the most senior says "We are not happy with this course of action but we can see there is little alternative. What are your demands, Holy Father ?" "Well" says the Pope "She must be blind, so as not to recognise me". The cardinals immediately nod in agreement. "She must be deaf, so as not to recognise my voice" he says. The cardinals confer and nod their agreement. "And she must be without speech, so that if these measures fail, she can never tell of this". Once again, the cardinals nod their agreement. The senior cardinal stands and says "We have agreed that these are essential to protect the good name of the Church and of your Office. Is that all Holy Father ?" The Pope thinks for a few seconds and says "Big tits !" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
delboy_187 902 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 Son asked dad can girls get pregnant from anal sex .I said course they can he replies your lying .I said we're you think the Liverpool fans come from 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
keepitcovert 842 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 The man who invented predictive text died this week. His funfair is next monkey. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 My grandfather was treated terribly by the Nazis....passed over for promotion loads of times ! I'm only joking........he died in a concentration camp. Got pi55ed and fell out of a watchtower ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb ? None - they'd rather sit in the dark and blame the Jews ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 What do you call a circumcised German? Helmut Shoen. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
devon flighter 421 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 tote they cant get much worse surely ???? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 I remembering asking my Dad if you can catch Aids of a toilet seat? He says "You could if you sit down before the other c**t gets up!" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boyo 1,398 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 DNA. Stands for National Association of Dyslexics !!! K O ? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 I came out the bathroom and said to the wife..."get in there a take a look at the size of that shite I've just done" "No" she says "Go on, just a quick peak......it's a good 2 pounder!!" So she pinched her nose and ran in, looked down the toilet and came out saying "there's nothing in the toilet" "It's on the scales ya daft cow!!" 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
torchey 1,328 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 Thats a corker lab Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex? One makes your day, the other makes your hole weak... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 854 Posted February 22, 2016 Report Share Posted February 22, 2016 AN OLD PAKISTANI WHO USED TO BE A PORN STAR IN HIS YOUNGER DAYS IS IN AN OLD PEOPLES HOME AND HIS RELATIVES VISIT. THEY ASK IF HE IS OK AND IF THE STAFF ARE TREATING HIM PROPERLY. MAKE SURE HE IS OK. HE SAYS THEY TREAT US ALL WITH KINDNESS AND RESPECT, OLD TOM USED TO BE A DOCTOR THEY STILL CALL HIM DR TOM, BILL WAS AN AIRLINE PILOT AND THEY STILL CALL HIM CAPT BILL AND EVEN THOUGH I HAVENT HAD SEX FOR 20YRS THEY STILL CALL ME THE F*CKING PAKI. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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