Funny Joke Thread

[bob.243 8,890]

[bob.243 8,890]

[bob.243 8,890]

[mackem 26,809]

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that black sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

[nothernlite 18,089]

[nothernlite 18,089]

A priest is playing golf and he's having a rough patch. Until he gets to hole 5. When he hears a voice saying use the 7 iron. He looks down and sees a frog. The frog says use the 7 iron. The priest thinks f**k it... uses the 7 iron and gets a hole in one. He picks up the frog and listens to its instructions and plays the best game of his life.  He says to the frog that he'll never be able to repay the frog. 

The frog says I'm even better at blackjack let's go to Vegas and I'll show you. The priest thinks f**k it we'll see what happens. Goes to Vegas and sure enough listens to the frog and wins every single time. 

He becomes a billionaire. He books a penthouse and plans to go to bed. He places the frog in the sink in the bathroom. He hasn't even got any clothes because he travelled on a whim and went straight to the casino. So he gets into bed naked.

The frog says it's lonely in here can I come into the room. The priest  thinks he made me rich so yeah why not. The man puts the frog on the bedside table.

Mr it's still lonely can I sleep on the bed. Ok bit weird but made him rich  so puts the frog on the pillow.

Mr can I get a kiss goodnight. The priest is a bit freaked out but the frog made him rich so he kisses the frog and in a flash of smoke the frog turns into a cute 12 year old boy.

And that's the gods honest truth officer.

 

[Chaff 3,622]

[kanny 20,632]

16 hours ago, Chaff said:

Ahhh ......football bukkake house

[Foxpack 2 7,852]

[peterhunter86 8,627]

My mate was very unlucky he went to the zoo after he joined the IRA and a monkey pulled his hand off.  

 

 

He got done for supplying arms to the gorillas.

[Foxpack 2 7,852]

 

[dave88 1,565]

I don't have a problem with black people.....  

 

 

 

 

.....I think everybody should own one

[waltjnr 6,838]

[Foxpack 2 7,852]

[si brown 8,486]