Funny Joke Thread

[steve66 3,449]

[zandy01 3,575]

[kanny 20,555]

[keepdiggin 9,561]

[kanny 20,555]

[steve t 931]

[martyn2233 2,574]

[mackay 3,364]

Just now, martyn2233 said:

Or if I hadn't woken up on christmas morning with a hard on I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

[martyn2233 2,574]

[mushroom 12,921]

52 minutes ago, martyn2233 said:

 

50 minutes ago, martyn2233 said:

Both had me laughing like a numptey

[torchey 1,328]

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll be able to walk again and sustain a reasonably normal life, however your penis was severed in the accident and they couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have £9000 in insurance compensation coming for the severed member and we now have the technology to build you a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. They're roughly £1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should probably discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife about the penis?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?" asks the doctor.

“Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite worktops."

[kanny 20,555]

[martyn2233 2,574]

[vfr400boy 3,383]

[wyeman 1,136]

Is this anyone from off this forum?