Funny Joke Thread

[walshie 2,804]

We met an American tourist in the village yesterday. Jokingly she said to my daughter, "Gee, does it ever stop raining in Wales?"

 

My daughter replied, "I don't know. i'm only 8."

[neil cooney 10,416]

We met an American tourist in the village yesterday. Jokingly she said to my daughter, "Gee, does it ever stop raining in Wales?"

 

My daughter replied, "I don't know. i'm only 8."

True story,

An American tourist pulled up along one of the village characters here and asked "could you tell me the way to Navan please".

"I could" said the local and kept walking.

[peterhunter86 8,627]

 

We met an American tourist in the village yesterday. Jokingly she said to my daughter, "Gee, does it ever stop raining in Wales?"

 

My daughter replied, "I don't know. i'm only 8."

 

True story,

An American tourist pulled up along one of the village characters here and asked "could you tell me the way to Navan please".

"I could" said the local and kept walking.

.

 

 

 

 

I wasn't there but two of my were walking down a street in celbridge when a traveller pulled up and ask was he near clane and one of them said no your still a smelly cnut now fcuk off.

[beast 1,884]

Maureen is talking to Doris. "It's my Sidney he's not interested in sex any more"

 

"Maureen get yourself down to ann summers buy some saucy underwear my bert loves it. Really gets him going."

 

So Maureen buys herself some new lingerie. Sees Sid coming home up the front drive so she runs upstairs to get changed.

 

When she comes down in her split crutch panties Sid is in his chair so Maureen bends over and says " have some of that"

 

Sid looks up and says "no thanks look what it did to those knickers"

Edited September 18, 2017 by beast

[beast 1,884]

Two blokes having a pint. Bill says "have another drink"

Tom says he daren't the mrs will go nuts if he is late home.

 

"No" says Bill " just give her 20 minutes of oral sex she won't complain"

 

"OK I will try that" says tom. So he has few more drinks and when he gets home the house is in darkness so he creeps upstairs and slides under the duvet and starts to do the wall of death. Looks at his luminous watch does another 5 minutes and not a word of complaint from the wife.

 

So he thinks "great I will have a slash then get some kip". Creeps to the toilet opens the door and sees his wife having a poo.

 

"What are you doing here? " he shouts

 

" quiet" says the wife "you'll wake your mother"

[Mister Gain 1,764]

The wife's sister knocked me out earlier.

 

I was so angry.

 

What sort of sick bitch puts chloroform on her dirty knickers.

[The one 8,477]

Chinese lady escort

At a travel agency in Shanghai , I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said, "Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonigh".

I replied, "Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!

A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder and said,



"What she really said was: 666136429

[neil cooney 10,416]

Brilliant.

[waltjnr 6,770]

You know when your girlfriend is to young, when you have to make the aeroplane noise to get your mickey in her mouth!

 

 

Just thought I'd kick it up a notch! Courtesy of J.Carr

[bob.243 8,755]

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker.

 

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

 

Ok I'll get my coat.

[Haiddheliwr 1,911]

Brilliant.

x2

[Mister Gain 1,764]

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Bruce Willis films.

 

I apologised and told her old habits die hard.

[Dinosaurs 2,044]

Yippeekyyay!! Atb

[ryaldinhio 4,564]

I got a new pup today. Little jrt. Lovely little thing he is. Black and tan with a really small patch of white. Im calling him Bradford.

[hawki 1,431]

do you want a penguin

the scottish accent cracks me up