Squirrel_Basher 17,100 Posted March 1, 2017 Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 Broke down just the other side the Severn bridge to me in Wales and had the bonnet up .No electrics at all so I fiddled with the terminals .Two welsh lads pulled up beside me and brought over a set of tools ,bent down by the front so I asked what the crack was .One of them said "if your having the battery mate then we are having the wheels ". 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted March 1, 2017 Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 Warren Gatland and Eddie jones are both killed when a lightning bolt hits the Principality Stadium. In heaven they are greeted by God and Jones is taken to his new home, a lovely English country cottage with statues of English rugby greats and angels singing Jerusalem and Swing Low Sweet Chariot. He was delighted until he suddenly heard some even more beautiful singing coming from the top of the hill, he listened closely and could hear Bread of Heaven and Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau. He looked up to see a great palace with statues of Barry John and Gareth Edwards with a party in the garden which had Brains SA flowing freely as the crowd watched Scott Gibbs scoring his try against England in 1999! Jones went to the Lord and said "I don't want to appear ungrateful but why does Warren get the huge mansion"? God says "You've got it all wrong that's not Warren's place its mine" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted March 1, 2017 Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 Back at you FD lol 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted March 1, 2017 Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 My wife looked at me and said, "The fire's gone out." I said, "It was working last night." She said, "Not that stupid, the fire in our marriage." I said, "Thank f**k for that, I thought I was gonna have to pay for an engineer to come out." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nans pat 2,575 Posted March 1, 2017 Report Share Posted March 1, 2017 Husband says to his wife,what would you do if I won the lottery, She replies I would take half and leave your ass, So he replies good I won a tenner here's fiver now feck off! Or the wife saying what would you do if you won the lottery,he sez,oh love ide have you all over the world. then mutters under his breath........ aye,fcuking looking for me.. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted March 3, 2017 Report Share Posted March 3, 2017 +Ive had strobe lights installed in the bedroom. It gives the illusion that the wife is moving when we're having sex. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted March 9, 2017 Report Share Posted March 9, 2017 How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?? The wheelchair floats to the top. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Gain 1,764 Posted March 10, 2017 Report Share Posted March 10, 2017 I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my future wife walking down the aisle towards me. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was, I gave her a wink and said, "Get that trolley here love! They're doing 3 crates of Stella for the price of 2." 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,755 Posted March 11, 2017 Report Share Posted March 11, 2017 . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted March 11, 2017 Report Share Posted March 11, 2017 Is there no end to Rolf Harris’s musical talents? Hit songwriter, singer, virtuoso on didgeridoo and wobble-board, and now we find out he’s also an expert fiddler. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted March 11, 2017 Report Share Posted March 11, 2017 When I get home I'm going to rip my wife's knickers off... They are cutting in right near my ballsack. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dinosaurs 2,044 Posted March 11, 2017 Report Share Posted March 11, 2017 Bill & Ben the Flower pot men were having a chat & Bill says to Ben... Flobber Glibber Hobber Flobber Lob & Ben said if you loved me you'd have Swallowed that!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nans pat 2,575 Posted March 16, 2017 Report Share Posted March 16, 2017 The wifes after saying to me ide love bigger tits. rub toilet paper between them sez i. how to fcuk would that work,you silly oul cnut sez she. well sez i,it worked on your fnckin arse didnt it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted March 16, 2017 Report Share Posted March 16, 2017 My Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a Roger But she started to scream the moment I got my cock out, Turns out she just wanted to let the spare room out 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DogMan85 722 Posted March 16, 2017 Report Share Posted March 16, 2017 Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm, so they decide to go see a doctor to find out why. After a number of tests, the doctor suggests Paddy's wife may be over heating during sex and recommends they buy a fan for the bedroom. Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex. After about 20 minutes of wafting and still no orgasm, his friend suggests a swap. "I'll fcuk her, you waft the towel" he says. Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever. Paddy pats his mate on the back and says "....and that my old son, is how you waft a fcuking towel!" 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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