Funny Joke Thread

[Ted Newgent 4,896]

[jetro 5,349]

[DIDO.1 22,844]

[Arry 22,181]

Cheers Arry

[JDHUNTING 1,817]

1 hour ago, Arry said:

Cheers Arry

Cracker

[keepdiggin 9,561]

If your offended

Edited June 1, 2020 by keepdiggin

[jetro 5,349]

[jetro 5,349]

[jetro 5,349]

[jetro 5,349]

ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO SOUTH CAROLINA

1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive diesel and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way- this is what they live for.

3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to the phrase, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity.” And the collateral phrase, "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

5. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

6. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.

7. A luxury car is not a status symbol, a diesel truck is, and pay no mind to people driving a brand new BMW because they probably work there.

8. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that don’t mean anything's broken.

9. The value of a parking spot is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

10. If you are driving a slower moving vehicle, on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy.”

11. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

12. Yes, weddings, funerals, and divorces must take into account for NASCAR and Clemson and Gamecock Football games. 

13. Everything is better with Duke’s mayonnaise.

14. DO NOT honk your horn at us to be obnoxious, we will sit there until we die.

15. We pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.

16. We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.

17. "Bless your Heart" is a nice way of saying you're an idiot.

18. The state drink is sweet tea and we will judge you when you order unsweetened tea.

19. There will always be two people on a moped on a two lane road when you are running late, so allow time for that.

20. If you don't like the weather in SC, wait 15 minutes, it will change.

[jetro 5,349]

[eastcoast 4,163]

I wish cyclists would show the same levels of consideration to pedestrians on footpaths as they expect and get, by me anyway , from motorists when they are on the roads. Not a joke I know but they really piss me off. 

[jetro 5,349]

[keepdiggin 9,561]

[waltjnr 6,904]