Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 21, 2016 Report Share Posted August 21, 2016 How many muslims does it take to change a light bulb ? None ! They'd rather sit in the dark and blame the Jews........ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey Finn 3,012 Posted August 22, 2016 Report Share Posted August 22, 2016 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqQgDwA0BNU MAGIC COFFEE TABLE.htm 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted August 25, 2016 Report Share Posted August 25, 2016 A guy goes into a Scottish baker's. "How much is that cake?" "A poond." "And how much is that one?" "A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!" "Oh, OK. What about that one?" "Ach, that one's two poonds." "Oh. Why's that then?" "That's Madeira cake.".. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted August 26, 2016 Report Share Posted August 26, 2016 Was sat in a pub the other week, my mate is one for jokes and came out with: "What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Chuck in your dirty socks and pants!" Well the barman heard, went mental and banned my mate from the pub right there on the spot! One of the regulars came over and quietly explained that the barman had lost an epileptic son in the bath after a fit years ago. I said "Oh shit, hit his head on the tap did he?" Again, the barman overheard and came over. "No, he choked on one of my socks.." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted August 26, 2016 Report Share Posted August 26, 2016 Was sat in a pub the other week, my mate is one for jokes and came out with: "What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Chuck in your dirty socks and pants!" Well the barman heard, went mental and banned my mate from the pub right there on the spot! One of the regulars came over and quietly explained that the barman had lost an epileptic son in the bath after a fit years ago. I said "Oh shit, hit his head on the tap did he?" Again, the barman overheard and came over. "No, he choked on one of my socks.." Haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted August 26, 2016 Report Share Posted August 26, 2016 Was sat in a pub the other week, my mate is one for jokes and came out with: "What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Chuck in your dirty socks and pants!" Well the barman heard, went mental and banned my mate from the pub right there on the spot! One of the regulars came over and quietly explained that the barman had lost an epileptic son in the bath after a fit years ago. I said "Oh shit, hit his head on the tap did he?" Again, the barman overheard and came over. "No, he choked on one of my socks.." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted August 26, 2016 Report Share Posted August 26, 2016 Lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bird 9,898 Posted August 26, 2016 Report Share Posted August 26, 2016 my granny had a wee budgie called joey great wee talker he was. she was going out to the shops one day and said to joey..joey the coalman is coming tell him to throw 3 bags of coal and 2 bags of slack in the bunker and the moneys under the clock on the fireplace. door raps joey shouts come in,joey says throw 3 bags of coal and 2 bags of slack in and the moneys under the clock on the fireplace. the coalman works away then goes over and lifts the money,as hes counting it he says fuxk me joey your a great wee talker. aye says joey ime a great wee counter too,,throw them other 2 bags of coal in. lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 26, 2016 Report Share Posted August 26, 2016 I was in my local Indian restaurant last night. The waiter said "Curry OK, sir ?" I said "Go on, then. One song and then you can f*** off !" 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted August 26, 2016 Report Share Posted August 26, 2016 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dark-destroyer-85 636 Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 3 Parrots for sale,£100 £200 and £15 a women asks ''why is that parrot so cheap? The shopkeeper replys ''cos it used to live in a brothel'' the women thinks its funny so buys the parrot. When she gets home the parrot says ''f**k me a new brothel'' the women laughs. Her two daughters come home the parrot says ''f**k me new prozzies'' the girls laugh. The husband comes home and the parrot says ''f**k me keith. I aint seen you for weeks. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DIDO.1 22,829 Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 I'll never forget my grandfathers last words before he died...."stop shaking the ladder you c#nt" 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nans pat 2,575 Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 ould farmer was going through a hard time,his son was in long kesh jail doing time. he writes to his son..dear sean,ime having a hard time here ime to oul to dig this field to plant the spuds this year, the son writes back,for f**k sake da dont touch that field,thats were i buried all the guns. the censors read the letter and told the cops who dug the whole field up,the son wrote about a week later. go ahead now and plant yer spuds thats the best i could do for you from in here..(up the ra) 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francie 6,368 Posted August 27, 2016 Report Share Posted August 27, 2016 (edited) Lol at nan Edited August 27, 2016 by Francie Quote Link to post Share on other sites
forest of dean redneck 11,599 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm hosting a charity event for people that can't orgasm, If you cant come,let me know. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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