dark-destroyer-85 636 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 All the organs of the body were having a meeting, Trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, So in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, The stomach was bloated, The legs got wobbly, The eyes got watery, And the blood was toxic.. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss . The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... An Arse Hole is usually in charge. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dark-destroyer-85 636 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 A Muslim was sitting next to paddy on plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!" Paddy handed his drink back and said "me too I didn't know we had a Fecking choice!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francie 6,368 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 Chuck norris threw a grenade an killed fifty people, then it exploded. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stumfelter 3,034 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 I went to the doctors today and he said "I'm sorry but you'll have to stop wanking" why I said, "because I'm trying to examine you". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 Why did the muslim woman leave her husband? Because she didn't know what jihad ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
coverdogs 888 Posted August 18, 2016 Report Share Posted August 18, 2016 Two indian girls riding around on a horse bareback one is wearing two pair of nickers and the other is wearing none what are there names? Shy ann and raw hide Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,759 Posted August 18, 2016 Report Share Posted August 18, 2016 . So, I was walking through the mall and I saw a Muslim Book Store.I was wondering what was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.As I was wandering around, the clerk stopped me and asked if he could help me.I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked,“Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding...Muslims and illegal Mexicans? ”The clerk said, "f**k off, get out and stay out!”I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 18, 2016 Report Share Posted August 18, 2016 "It's a boy !" I shouted, as tears began to roll down my face. "I don't believe it ! It's a boy !"....... ......and that when I decided never to visit Thailand again. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 18, 2016 Report Share Posted August 18, 2016 I can tell you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,759 Posted August 19, 2016 Report Share Posted August 19, 2016 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
abarrett 462 Posted August 19, 2016 Report Share Posted August 19, 2016 What's got 4 legs and a cock half way up its back A police horse 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,759 Posted August 20, 2016 Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted August 20, 2016 Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk." The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f***ing fault! 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boyo 1,398 Posted August 20, 2016 Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 Bob 243. Fcuking brilliant ???? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
abarrett 462 Posted August 20, 2016 Report Share Posted August 20, 2016 How many coppers does it take to throw a bloke down the stairs ? None he fell 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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