jetro 5,349 Posted March 11, 2020 Report Share Posted March 11, 2020 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jetro 5,349 Posted March 11, 2020 Report Share Posted March 11, 2020 Him... “what’s your body count?” Me...”For what?” Him... “People you’ve slept with...” Me...”Ohhhh! I thought you saw the basement...” Him...”What?!...” Me...”What??...” 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EDDIE B 3,162 Posted March 11, 2020 Report Share Posted March 11, 2020 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EDDIE B 3,162 Posted March 11, 2020 Report Share Posted March 11, 2020 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheShootingTog 2,256 Posted March 11, 2020 Report Share Posted March 11, 2020 5 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jetro 5,349 Posted March 12, 2020 Report Share Posted March 12, 2020 The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.” “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.” Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.” The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.” Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops. Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. “Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.” The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. “Are you OK?” the auditor asks. “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.” Don’t mess with old people! SHARE if this made you laugh! 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,667 Posted March 12, 2020 Report Share Posted March 12, 2020 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,667 Posted March 12, 2020 Report Share Posted March 12, 2020 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EDDIE B 3,162 Posted March 13, 2020 Report Share Posted March 13, 2020 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EDDIE B 3,162 Posted March 13, 2020 Report Share Posted March 13, 2020 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EDDIE B 3,162 Posted March 13, 2020 Report Share Posted March 13, 2020 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martyn2233 2,504 Posted March 13, 2020 Report Share Posted March 13, 2020 ** Be aware ** We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) I went to pick it up last night and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!WTF??!!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ... And there it was ... . . ... A Peeking Duck!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martyn2233 2,504 Posted March 13, 2020 Report Share Posted March 13, 2020 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hawki 1,431 Posted March 13, 2020 Report Share Posted March 13, 2020 she really thinks having the corona virus gonna stop me from hitting that 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MickC 1,825 Posted March 14, 2020 Report Share Posted March 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, hawki said: she really thinks having the corona virus gonna stop me from hitting that I thought it was the ghost of Michael Hutchence there at first ! Edited March 14, 2020 by MickC 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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