talt 878 Posted January 27, 2018 Report Share Posted January 27, 2018 On 1/14/2018 at 00:07, Blackbriar said: I got a Bonnie Tyler sat nav for Xmas. It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart.............. (I almost feel like I should apologise for that !) Your lucky, we got lost in France with ours 1 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 A local ice cream man was found dead in his van, earlier today. His body was covered in strawberry sauce and crushed nuts, and he had a Flake in each ear. .........police believe he topped himself. 2 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foxpack 2 7,852 Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 We were driving through Welsh countryside when my little girl said, "Daddy, look at that funny animal there, it's a man at the back and a sheep at the front. " 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 If I had to describe myself in two words it would be............shit at maths. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 I just walked past the Bulimics Anonymous clinic. The place was heaving. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 14 minutes ago, walshie said: I just walked past the Bulimics Anonymous clinic. The place was heaving. Just cycled past that place funny enough where a council salt lorry nearly knocked me off my bike, " you f***ing knobhead" I shouted..............through gritted teeth. 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 Several prisoners escaped today, when a security van collided with a cement lorry........... ...........police are looking for 6 hardened criminals. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted January 28, 2018 Report Share Posted January 28, 2018 I only read books when I'm having a shit............... Which is probably the reason why my daughter doesn't ask me for a bedtime story. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,755 Posted January 29, 2018 Report Share Posted January 29, 2018 My TO-DO List: 1. Buy 4 pigs 2. Paint the numbers 1, 2, 3 and 5 on their backs 3. Release them in a Mosque 4. Sit back and watch them search for number 4 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Gain 1,764 Posted January 29, 2018 Report Share Posted January 29, 2018 A Jamaican woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later she awakens and asks about the baby. The Doctor replied "You had a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Your brother named them for you." She replied "Oh no, nuh mi bredda him a jackass. Wah him did name dem?" "Denise" said the doctor. "Well, dat a nuh too bad, an wah him did name di boy?" Doctor laughed and said "Denephew" 1 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChrisJones 7,975 Posted January 29, 2018 Report Share Posted January 29, 2018 (edited) GIF didn't work... Edited January 29, 2018 by ChrisJones Quote Link to post Share on other sites
greg64 2,825 Posted January 29, 2018 Report Share Posted January 29, 2018 16 minutes ago, ChrisJones said: i don't get it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChrisJones 7,975 Posted January 29, 2018 Report Share Posted January 29, 2018 2 minutes ago, greg64 said: i don't get it The gif didn't work... the moment has gone, unfortunately... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny.w 316 Posted February 1, 2018 Report Share Posted February 1, 2018 I came home from work last night and stuck my dinner in the oven. I went back to check on it 20 minutes later and it had vanished. Last time I buy those bloody McCann oven chips. 3 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Arry 21,820 Posted February 1, 2018 Report Share Posted February 1, 2018 Like these two old Devonshire woman. Cheers Arry 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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