dave88 1,565 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 How do Chinese people name their babies? They throw them down the stairs to see what noise they make. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dave88 1,565 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dave88 1,565 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife 'They're on offer, only £8 for 24 cans', he says 'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping... A few aisles later the woman picks up a £15 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man, 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says. The man replies... 'so does 24 cans of Stella and it's half f***ing price 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 Why is there no phones in china because theres to many wings and to many wongs and they might wing the wong number. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dave88 1,565 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 Why don't you see see churches with free WiFi? Cos no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works Quote Link to post Share on other sites
patterdale 673 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 In the morning, after the evening dinner with alcohol.was that an axe ident or not,did you and your mate decide to bury the hatchet? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stumfelter 3,034 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 In the morning, after the evening dinner with alcohol. Is your mate Vladimir Putin? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dave88 1,565 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted February 6, 2017 Report Share Posted February 6, 2017 The Liverpool team visited an orphanage in Liverpool yesterday. "Its heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Bradley aged 6. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,463 Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 I called an old school friend and asked what was he doing. He replied that he is working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment". I was impressed...... On further enquiring I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water.....under his wife's supervision. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 My missus gives me "benefit sex". It's a little bit once a month but not enough to live on. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ronny Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 False alarm.The whale that was washed up on skegness beach with a large gash turned out to be a liverpool lass on a hen doo. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 I was out walking the dogs earlier and I found a suitcase in the bushes. I was hoping it was money, but when i opened it there were 4 tiny fox cubs in it. I didn't know what to do, so I phoned the vet and explained I had found these 4 cubs. She said to me "Are they moving?" I said, "I don't know, but it would explain the suitcase." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tiercel 6,986 Posted February 7, 2017 Report Share Posted February 7, 2017 I was out walking the dogs earlier and I found a suitcase in the bushes. I was hoping it was money, but when i opened it there were 4 tiny fox cubs in it. I didn't know what to do, so I phoned the vet and explained I had found these 4 cubs. She said to me "Are they moving?" I said, "I don't know, but it would explain the suitcase." This was supposed to be a funny joke thread? TC Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dytkos 17,783 Posted February 8, 2017 Report Share Posted February 8, 2017 Come on that was good for Walshie but it has been up on here before Cheers, D. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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