Funny Joke Thread

[Blackbriar 8,569]

How many muslims does it take to change a light bulb ?

 

None ! They'd rather sit in the dark and blame the Jews........

[Mickey Finn 3,012]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqQgDwA0BNU

MAGIC COFFEE TABLE.htm

[Haiddheliwr 1,911]

A guy goes into a Scottish baker's. "How much is that cake?" "A poond." "And how much is that one?" "A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!" "Oh, OK. What about that one?" "Ach, that one's two poonds." "Oh. Why's that then?" "That's Madeira cake."..

[Malt 379]

Was sat in a pub the other week, my mate is one for jokes and came out with:

 

"What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Chuck in your dirty socks and pants!"

 

Well the barman heard, went mental and banned my mate from the pub right there on the spot! One of the regulars came over and quietly explained that the barman had lost an epileptic son in the bath after a fit years ago. I said "Oh shit, hit his head on the tap did he?" Again, the barman overheard and came over.

 

"No, he choked on one of my socks.."

 

[peterhunter86 8,627]

Was sat in a pub the other week, my mate is one for jokes and came out with:

"What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Chuck in your dirty socks and pants!"

Well the barman heard, went mental and banned my mate from the pub right there on the spot! One of the regulars came over and quietly explained that the barman had lost an epileptic son in the bath after a fit years ago. I said "Oh shit, hit his head on the tap did he?" Again, the barman overheard and came over.

"No, he choked on one of my socks.."

 

Haha

[Haiddheliwr 1,911]

Was sat in a pub the other week, my mate is one for jokes and came out with:

 

"What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Chuck in your dirty socks and pants!"

 

Well the barman heard, went mental and banned my mate from the pub right there on the spot! One of the regulars came over and quietly explained that the barman had lost an epileptic son in the bath after a fit years ago. I said "Oh shit, hit his head on the tap did he?" Again, the barman overheard and came over.

 

"No, he choked on one of my socks.."

 

[Haiddheliwr 1,911]

Lol

[bird 9,904]

my granny had a wee budgie called joey great wee talker he was.

she was going out to the shops one day and said to joey..joey the coalman is coming tell him to throw 3 bags of coal and 2 bags of slack in the bunker and the moneys under the clock on the fireplace.

door raps joey shouts come in,joey says throw 3 bags of coal and 2 bags of slack in and the moneys under the clock on the fireplace.

the coalman works away then goes over and lifts the money,as hes counting it he says fuxk me joey your a great wee talker.

aye says joey ime a great wee counter too,,throw them other 2 bags of coal in.

lol

[Blackbriar 8,569]

I was in my local Indian restaurant last night.

The waiter said "Curry OK, sir ?"

I said "Go on, then. One song and then you can f*** off !"

[Haiddheliwr 1,911]

[dark-destroyer-85 636]

3 Parrots for sale,£100 £200 and £15 a women asks ''why is that parrot so cheap? The shopkeeper replys ''cos it used to live in a brothel'' the women thinks its funny so buys the parrot. When she gets home the parrot says ''f**k me a new brothel'' the women laughs. Her two daughters come home the parrot says ''f**k me new prozzies'' the girls laugh. The husband comes home and the parrot says ''f**k me keith. I aint seen you for weeks.

[DIDO.1 22,830]

I'll never forget my grandfathers last words before he died...."stop shaking the ladder you c#nt"

[nans pat 2,575]

ould farmer was going through a hard time,his son was in long kesh jail doing time.

he writes to his son..dear sean,ime having a hard time here ime to oul to dig this field to plant the spuds this year,

the son writes back,for f**k sake da dont touch that field,thats were i buried all the guns.

the censors read the letter and told the cops who dug the whole field up,the son wrote about a week later.

go ahead now and plant yer spuds thats the best i could do for you from in here..(up the ra)

[Francie 6,368]

Lol at nan

Edited August 27, 2016 by Francie

[forest of dean redneck 11,599]

I'm hosting a charity event for people that can't orgasm,

If you cant come,let me know.