Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 6, 2016 Report Share Posted August 6, 2016 What do you call the first Afghan off the boat? Amhere What do you call the second Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwel What do you call the third Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwell Azhim:) What do you call a Paki police informer ? Wazim. What do you call Paki wearing a slice of cured pork ? Hamed What do you call a Paki wearing lots of slices of cured pork ? More Hamed. The Paki lesbian ? Minjeeta. The Indian karaoke champion ? Gerupta Singh..... The Paki that had a bath ? Asif. And finally.... What do you say to a Muslim on Christmas day ? A pint of milk and 20 Benson's please ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nans pat 2,575 Posted August 6, 2016 Report Share Posted August 6, 2016 anybody remember the good old days, just thinking back there,our oul parish priest was a rubbish ventriloquist.. he used to stick his fingers up my hole and tell me to say nothing. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haiddheliwr 1,911 Posted August 7, 2016 Report Share Posted August 7, 2016 My mate Gavin died last week after taking an overdose of antacid tablets. I'm gutted Gav is gone 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Silversnake 1,099 Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 a millionaire holds a huge party with champagne and cocktails and music. everyone there was white except for one aboriginal fella who was having a great old time. when the host delivered his speech he called everyone to a magnificent swimming pool which housed, to everyones surprise, a huge crocodile. the host announced that if anyone was willing to wrestle the crocodile he would give them one million dollars cash. to his surprise he heard a huge splash and saw the aboriginal thrashing about, tangled and wrestling with the huge reptile twisting and clawing. eventually he pinned the beast and dragged it out of the pool. the millionaire host exclaimed 'that is the best thing I have ever seen! come and get your cash!' in absolute awe of the mighty display. but the aboriginal stands his ground and says 'I don't want it!' the millionaire is stunned and says 'what do you mean? you earnt it! please come I insist!' the aborigine steadfastly refuses so the millionaire says 'please let me give you something, anything if I can I will get it for you.' the aborigine, still visibly upset replies 'ok, tell me who the c%nt was who pushed me in the pool' a tourist just arrived in outback Australia was walking down a street in a small town when he saw an aborigine walking with only one shoe on. Curious, he asked ' you lose a shoe mate?' the aborigine responded jovially 'nah mate I found one' 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J_Edwards 70 Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 An old man and his son are in a pub having a pint, when a man walks into the pub, buys a beer, and stands beside them. The man says; "I am lorry driver, from Germany, my load is just being taken across the road, so I come for a beer! You English far too slow, in fact you useless, in Germany it takes 20 minutes to unload, you English take one hour, far too slow, much quicker in Germany!" The old man takes a swig of his pint, licks his lips, and says; "Well, the last time I was in Germany, we unloaded in 15 seconds!" The German quickly responds; "And vot in himmel were you driving?" The old man replies; "Lancaster bomber!" 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 8, 2016 Report Share Posted August 8, 2016 An African fella found himself captured and sold into slavery. He's put on the boat to America, where he's put on a seat next to an old chap and chained up. "What happened now ?" he asks. "You take that oar and you row in time with drum beat" says the old fella "and whatever you do, don't fall behind, or you'll get a whipping !" After a few hours, he gets tired and starts to fall behind, and sure enough,the slave master lashes him a couple of times. "I don't think I can keep this up. How much longer will we have to do this ?" he says. "If you think this is tough" says the old boy "wait until Sunday". "What happens on Sunday ?" asks the newbie The old boy says "The captain goes water skiing !" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Two paddies were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, ” Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick......! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scothunter 12,609 Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 When does a black man become a nigger? just as soon as he leaves the room. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
forest of dean redneck 11,531 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Duck walks into a bar asks the barman,do you have any bread? Barman says no I don't have any bread Duck asks again do you have any bread Barman says no I dont Duck says have you got any bread Barman gets angry ,no I don't have any bread and if you ask me again I am going to nail your beak to the bar! Duck says do you have any nails? Barman says no I dont Ducks replies do you have any bread ? Pmsl 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
neil cooney 10,416 Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 Two ducks check into a hotel and go to their room. After a while Mr Duck rings room service and asks for a box of condoms to be sent to his room. "Certainly Sir," said the receptionist "will I stick them on your bill ?" "Do I look like a pervert" replies Mr Duck. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted August 14, 2016 Report Share Posted August 14, 2016 A woman went to her doctor, for the baby's 6 month check. He weighed the baby, checked it's reflexes, listened to its chest and asked lots of questions. "This baby seems a little underdeveloped" he says. "Is she bottle fed or breast fed ?" "Breast fed" says the lady. "I'll need to examine you" says the doc. "Could you strip to the waist please?" The woman agrees, and the doctor feels her breasts, rubbing and stroking them in every direction, before cupping them both in his hands. He makes a few notes in his files, before turning to her. "I'm not surprised your baby isn't thriving" he says "you dont have any milk !" " I know that" says the woman. "I'm her grandmother......but I'm f***ing glad I came !" 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob.243 8,545 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dark-destroyer-85 636 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 Went to the pub last night and there was this fat girl dancing on the table. I walked past and said amazing legs. The girl giggled and said do you think so ?. Definitely I replied most tables would have collapsed by now 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francie 6,368 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 Very good dd Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dark-destroyer-85 636 Posted August 17, 2016 Report Share Posted August 17, 2016 Two Indian guys accidently snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.... Both were rushed to hospital. Ones in a korma, the others got a dodgy tikka. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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