Blackbriar 8,569 Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 The Queen visits a scottish army hospital and visits ward A. Inside is a Scots Soldier lying on his front with a cage and a blanket over his Bum. The Queen turns to him amd says "And What are you in for???" "Ma'am I've Got a terrible bout of Dysentry" "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?" "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day"he says " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Bum So Then SHe Moves Onto the second Patient Of Th Three And Asks:- "And What are you in for???" "Ma'am Iv'e Got a terrible strain of genital Herpes" "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?" "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day" he says " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Chest She Moves Onto the Last Patient and asks "What are you in for???" The soldier replies in a croaky voice "tonsilitis" "And Whats the treatment for that?" "Wire Brush and dettol three times a day ma'am "comes the croaky reply" "Ohhhh Is'nt that awfully painful"She Asks "Whatever it takes to beat this affliction and get back to serving My Queen And Country"He Says Proudly "And Do You Have any ambition left in life"she asks "yes" The Man Replies "To get the Wire brush and dettol before those two dirty Ba***rds!!!" 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ferretingnewbie 66 Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, "hello babe since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex?" The woman says, "No, f**k off." The tramp turns to leave and mutters to himself, "Fine, f**k ya then I'll just go and wait at the bottom." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
devon flighter 421 Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Lad says to his mate, "Can you keep a secret ?." "Yeh, of course." his mate replies. Lad says "Don't tell anyone, but I've been have sex regularly with a pair of twins." "You lucky, lucky b*****d, " his mate replies "but how can you tell them apart ?" Lad replies "It's easy, Jennifer's got long blonde hair and Derek's got a penis." i got banned off another forum for that one 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tote 856 Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Paddy and his good wife are lying in bed, but they can't get to sleep because of their neighbours dog who is out the back barking away. After about an hour Paddy says "I can't take any more of this," he jumps out of bed, pulls on his clothes and heads downstairs and out the back door. Five minutes later he's back in bed and the dog is still barking, his wife asks "what did you do Paddy" and Paddy replied, "I've put the dog in our garden, let's see how them feckers next door like it." 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
devon flighter 421 Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 , run out of like tote Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boyo 1,398 Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Bloke phones his boss & says i cant come into work today as im sick. How sick are you asks his boss? Well i just shagged my sister!! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boyo 1,398 Posted February 20, 2016 Report Share Posted February 20, 2016 Little lad runs into the kitchen & says to his mum Nana's got a prawn between her legs bewildered the mum goes into the lounge & Nana is asleep on the sofa legs wide open big baggy knickers all to one side showing off her bits. The Mum says thats not a prawn darling its nana's clitoris... Oh says the little boy it tastes like a prawn!!!! ? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francie 6,368 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Very good lads Quote Link to post Share on other sites
delboy_187 904 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Laughter is the best medicine .unless your a diabetic then insulin comes very high on the list. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
delboy_187 904 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 (edited) Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me Edited February 21, 2016 by delboy_187 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me I knew that girl. I was "on the job" with her, and I said "Can we switch the light off ?" She said "Why......are you shy ?" I said "No - it's burning my ar5e !" 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francie 6,368 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Very funny lads Quote Link to post Share on other sites
peterhunter86 8,627 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me I knew that girl. I was "on the job" with her, and I said "Can we switch the light off ?" She said "Why......are you shy ?" I said "No - it's burning my ar5e !" Do you still have her number 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francie 6,368 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Lol @ pete Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blackbriar 8,569 Posted February 21, 2016 Report Share Posted February 21, 2016 Was riding this fat bird once so I m on top of er an looks down fcuk I said if I fall from here I'll be hurt . She wasn't to happy I said no seriously I can see my house from up here she snapped get off me she said so I rolled over to get off her twice it took me I knew that girl. I was "on the job" with her, and I said "Can we switch the light off ?" She said "Why......are you shy ?" I said "No - it's burning my ar5e !" Do you still have her number Lost her number, but her name was Marge.......because she spreads easily ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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