Truther 1,579 Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 What about your best fail story? Here's mine When i was about 25 me and my mate got a weekender doing a boundary wall job for a couple about 30 ish, her mother lived about 100 yards down the road. The couple were going on holiday before the job would be finished so her mom would pay us, and come up and make us a cuppa...ect...........Her mom must have been early 50's, really smart and fit, well known badminton player apparently? She was chatty but nothing dodgy i picked up on. My mate was on holiday before we finished it, so i went the last weekend on my own. She was extra chatty the saturday, told me about being a widow for 5 years, being thick as f**k i never got the gist of it The sunday she came up and said " when will you be finished, i said "in about 2 hours" so she asked me to nip down to hers for the money, i still didn't get it............I went down and knocked at the door, she answered it wearing a dressing gown, but open, see through flimsy thing under it, nothing left to the imagination, bald and really nice tits stood up without any help Suddenly i "got it" but i was transfixed, just stood staring, speechless, like some mong She must have realised i was special needs pretty quickly, she said "oh sorry, i was in the shower" and tied the gown up, we had the cuppa, she paid me, and we parted company..........still can't help wondering nearly 30 years later...........what a f***ing idiot 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bosun11 537 Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 Truther by name, Truther by... Great tale. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Truther 1,579 Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 Probably the experience of a lifetime Bosun, but i was never the sharpest tool in the box when it comes to things like that Not my only fail by a long chalk, just the biggest regret Quote Link to post Share on other sites
hawki 1,430 Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 What about your best fail story? Here's mine When i was about 25 me and my mate got a weekender doing a boundary wall job for a couple about 30 ish, her mother lived about 100 yards down the road. The couple were going on holiday before the job would be finished so her mom would pay us, and come up and make us a cuppa...ect...........Her mom must have been early 50's, really smart and fit, well known badminton player apparently? She was chatty but nothing dodgy i picked up on. My mate was on holiday before we finished it, so i went the last weekend on my own. She was extra chatty the saturday, told me about being a widow for 5 years, being thick as f**k i never got the gist of it The sunday she came up and said " when will you be finished, i said "in about 2 hours" so she asked me to nip down to hers for the money, i still didn't get it............I went down and knocked at the door, she answered it wearing a dressing gown, but open, see through flimsy thing under it, nothing left to the imagination, bald and really nice tits stood up without any help Suddenly i "got it" but i was transfixed, just stood staring, speechless, like some mong She must have realised i was special needs pretty quickly, she said "oh sorry, i was in the shower" and tied the gown up, we had the cuppa, she paid me, and we parted company..........still can't help wondering nearly 30 years later...........what a f***ing idiot go back there and knock the wall down... and see if her daughter is as game lol 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gnasher16 29,836 Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 What about your best fail story? Here's mine When i was about 25 me and my mate got a weekender doing a boundary wall job for a couple about 30 ish, her mother lived about 100 yards down the road. The couple were going on holiday before the job would be finished so her mom would pay us, and come up and make us a cuppa...ect...........Her mom must have been early 50's, really smart and fit, well known badminton player apparently? She was chatty but nothing dodgy i picked up on. My mate was on holiday before we finished it, so i went the last weekend on my own. She was extra chatty the saturday, told me about being a widow for 5 years, being thick as f**k i never got the gist of it The sunday she came up and said " when will you be finished, i said "in about 2 hours" so she asked me to nip down to hers for the money, i still didn't get it............I went down and knocked at the door, she answered it wearing a dressing gown, but open, see through flimsy thing under it, nothing left to the imagination, bald and really nice tits stood up without any help Suddenly i "got it" but i was transfixed, just stood staring, speechless, like some mong She must have realised i was special needs pretty quickly, she said "oh sorry, i was in the shower" and tied the gown up, we had the cuppa, she paid me, and we parted company..........still can't help wondering nearly 30 years later...........what a f***ing idiot I was just getting half a lob on then,one of them lazy ones.....you could of just made the ending up....what a let down ! 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tb25 4,626 Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 Psmsl Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Brewman 1,190 Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 Long time ago I used to work with two brothers, the older one Simon, was a big, strong, handsom lad. All shoulders and chiselled model looks and take me to bed charm for the ladies, the type that can dampen lingerie across a crowded half lit dance floor, yet one of the boys too, Simon was good company and loads of fun. By contrast, his brother Billy resembled Plug from The Bash Street Kids. Big, like his brother but ugly and awkward, with all the charm of Alan Partridge, just crass, Billy was a fecking nightmare! So as big brother, Simons attitude was to always try to be Billys wingman when on nights out and i'm damn sure that without big bro, Billy would be desined to be a virgin for the rest of his life... So following one weekend out with his brother, Simon got saddled with this older, much older, greasey haired hag, to which Billy was making headway to her equally minging daughter and this is how Simon told us the tale. "Our Billy is making good ground, cant let him down, so when he tells me its game on and he's goin back to her place, i knew i'm gonna have to man up an tackle the hag thats been makin eyes all night. I makes the effort an she's keen as feck. We go back to the flat an as soon as the door was opened the smell of dog shite near knocked you over. We found out they had two Alsations and after clearing up the shit and locking the dogs in the kitchen, our Billy went to the daughters room an i was left on the couch with the Mother. So I gets past the greasy hair, bad teeth an brown spittle in each corner of her gob and i'm snoggin the face off of the fat cow. I may as well nail it at that point, so i slides me hand round the back and down her kecks. Slip a finger in and knew sommat was amiss! I'm still snoggin it and brings me finger up, opens an eye over my shoulder to take a peek. A cob of shite, sat proud on my middle finger, was the sight that greeted me..." Our mouths dropped open when Simon told us that... "What did you do Si"? We asked. "I just wiped it in the back of her head an carried on", he said. "Couldn't let our Billy down could I"? Brotherly love and older women eh... Heart of a lion that brother..... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blackfell 16 Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 i was going down on a bird one night when she let out a rasping fart in a bit of stih hit me on the chin and i ended up marrying her pmsl 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Long time ago I used to work with two brothers, the older one Simon, was a big, strong, handsom lad. All shoulders and chiselled model looks and take me to bed charm for the ladies, the type that can dampen lingerie across a crowded half lit dance floor, yet one of the boys too, Simon was good company and loads of fun. By contrast, his brother Billy resembled Plug from The Bash Street Kids. Big, like his brother but ugly and awkward, with all the charm of Alan Partridge, just crass, Billy was a fecking nightmare! So as big brother, Simons attitude was to always try to be Billys wingman when on nights out and i'm damn sure that without big bro, Billy would be desined to be a virgin for the rest of his life... So following one weekend out with his brother, Simon got saddled with this older, much older, greasey haired hag, to which Billy was making headway to her equally minging daughter and this is how Simon told us the tale. "Our Billy is making good ground, cant let him down, so when he tells me its game on and he's goin back to her place, i knew i'm gonna have to man up an tackle the hag thats been makin eyes all night. I makes the effort an she's keen as feck. We go back to the flat an as soon as the door was opened the smell of dog shite near knocked you over. We found out they had two Alsations and after clearing up the shit and locking the dogs in the kitchen, our Billy went to the daughters room an i was left on the couch with the Mother. So I gets past the greasy hair, bad teeth an brown spittle in each corner of her gob and i'm snoggin the face off of the fat cow. I may as well nail it at that point, so i slides me hand round the back and down her kecks. Slip a finger in and knew sommat was amiss! I'm still snoggin it and brings me finger up, opens an eye over my shoulder to take a peek. A cob of shite, sat proud on my middle finger, was the sight that greeted me..." Our mouths dropped open when Simon told us that... "What did you do Si"? We asked. "I just wiped it in the back of her head an carried on", he said. "Couldn't let our Billy down could I"? Brotherly love and older women eh... :clapper: POTY for me so far mate, even though it is only 10/01/2016! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Sod it truther, I'll bite. Years ago I was with a girl who's mother had her at 15. Now this mother was quite attractive and young for her age, and quite flirty. Me and her went out to town one night, went back to her place and had another drink. All night she was making compliments and fluttering the eyelids, listing her biggest turn ons in a man, and all of them were pointed towards me; dark haired guy (I had more at 21..) with brown eyes; "if someone like that started kissing my neck, I'd be theirs..", then presenting a very pretty and sweet smelling neck to kiss, later on when I said goodbye to her etc. So when I said goodbye, I very gently kissed the aforementioned presented neck, got a good inhale of her scent on the way down, kissed very gently, but just slightly longer that would have normally been appropriate for giving your girl friends mother a goodbye kiss after a good night out, but also not for too long. I came away with the taste of her perfume on my lips, and looked her straight in the eyes as I straightened my neck. Our eyes met and I could see the sparkle of devilment in hers and she could see it in mine. After what seemed like an eternity, the beer and the little dickhead angel on my shoulder got the better of me, so I went with his vote, said my goodbyes and went home to bed where my then girlfriend was waiting for me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bosun11 537 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 In hindsight, what could have been usually is the better, more lasting memory than what was, in such cases Mal... Though those shoulder Angels really do piss you off at times..!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sussex 5,777 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Long time ago I used to work with two brothers, the older one Simon, was a big, strong, handsom lad. All shoulders and chiselled model looks and take me to bed charm for the ladies, the type that can dampen lingerie across a crowded half lit dance floor, yet one of the boys too, Simon was good company and loads of fun. By contrast, his brother Billy resembled Plug from The Bash Street Kids. Big, like his brother but ugly and awkward, with all the charm of Alan Partridge, just crass, Billy was a fecking nightmare! So as big brother, Simons attitude was to always try to be Billys wingman when on nights out and i'm damn sure that without big bro, Billy would be desined to be a virgin for the rest of his life... So following one weekend out with his brother, Simon got saddled with this older, much older, greasey haired hag, to which Billy was making headway to her equally minging daughter and this is how Simon told us the tale. "Our Billy is making good ground, cant let him down, so when he tells me its game on and he's goin back to her place, i knew i'm gonna have to man up an tackle the hag thats been makin eyes all night. I makes the effort an she's keen as feck. We go back to the flat an as soon as the door was opened the smell of dog shite near knocked you over. We found out they had two Alsations and after clearing up the shit and locking the dogs in the kitchen, our Billy went to the daughters room an i was left on the couch with the Mother. So I gets past the greasy hair, bad teeth an brown spittle in each corner of her gob and i'm snoggin the face off of the fat cow. I may as well nail it at that point, so i slides me hand round the back and down her kecks. Slip a finger in and knew sommat was amiss! I'm still snoggin it and brings me finger up, opens an eye over my shoulder to take a peek. A cob of shite, sat proud on my middle finger, was the sight that greeted me..." Our mouths dropped open when Simon told us that... "What did you do Si"? We asked. "I just wiped it in the back of her head an carried on", he said. "Couldn't let our Billy down could I"? Brotherly love and older women eh... Hard to read this post when your crying with laughter ... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Truther 1,579 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 What about your best fail story? Here's mine When i was about 25 me and my mate got a weekender doing a boundary wall job for a couple about 30 ish, her mother lived about 100 yards down the road. The couple were going on holiday before the job would be finished so her mom would pay us, and come up and make us a cuppa...ect...........Her mom must have been early 50's, really smart and fit, well known badminton player apparently? She was chatty but nothing dodgy i picked up on. My mate was on holiday before we finished it, so i went the last weekend on my own. She was extra chatty the saturday, told me about being a widow for 5 years, being thick as f**k i never got the gist of it The sunday she came up and said " when will you be finished, i said "in about 2 hours" so she asked me to nip down to hers for the money, i still didn't get it............I went down and knocked at the door, she answered it wearing a dressing gown, but open, see through flimsy thing under it, nothing left to the imagination, bald and really nice tits stood up without any help Suddenly i "got it" but i was transfixed, just stood staring, speechless, like some mong She must have realised i was special needs pretty quickly, she said "oh sorry, i was in the shower" and tied the gown up, we had the cuppa, she paid me, and we parted company..........still can't help wondering nearly 30 years later...........what a f***ing idiot I was just getting half a lob on then,one of them lazy ones.....you could of just made the ending up....what a let down ! You're still not as gutted as me Gnash, she was a dead ringer for that bird who played Pussy Galore in the bond film What a pratt i am Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 In hindsight, what could have been usually is the better, more lasting memory than what was, in such cases Mal... Though those shoulder Angels really do piss you off at times..!! I agree mate. That excitement you get when you have an intimate moment right at the start of an encounter is often the best bit. You don't know where things are going to go, but the thought of where you'd like them to go and the knowledge that it's very much 'on' can't be beaten.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Mal you're just a slut. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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