Chicken_man 1,651 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Malt! Hat's off to you both, takes a lot to do what you are doing. Whatever decision you make, I hope you are happy :-) All the very best to you for the future :-) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*The*Field*Marshall* 674 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 It's nice to hear of folks going their separate ways amicably . . I've only known quite the contrary, I mean blue murder :-/ I do find it hard to accept how some people remain on good terms, even going on double dates and such. . I wish I would be that sensible, I doubt I would be though! I think it's really something that you've shared your situation and as everyone else, wish you the very best. . I always hope for good ending, in that a time apart will make for a greater reconciliation. . Not like that is always for the good. ATB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
shepp 2,285 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I wonder if many of us have higher expectations as to what a relationship can give us? I have been told many times that for most people, the fireworks are over after the first 18 months. Following that if you can both be good friends, support each other and share a common purpose in life, then maybe you have as much as most people can hope for. Most of us have to compromise in life as we rarely get everything we want. I am no expert on such matters, not sure if I even believe the above, but I think it is worth adding to the discussion. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jonah. 775 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Takes a lot of courage on both sides to face up to that and be brutally honest. I have no advice to give you ,only a reminder that life is very short, enjoy it while you can. Good luck Malt. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted October 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I wonder if many of us have higher expectations as to what a relationship can give us? I have been told many times that for most people, the fireworks are over after the first 18 months. Following that if you can both be good friends, support each other and share a common purpose in life, then maybe you have as much as most people can hope for. Most of us have to compromise in life as we rarely get everything we want. I am no expert on such matters, not sure if I even believe the above, but I think it is worth adding to the discussion. Believe me mate, that sort of thing has definitely been discussed. I have always said that no relationship is perfect, you will both always have to make compromises with some of your expectations. Think part of the problem is we both had massively different upbringings. She was brought up as by a single mother with severe depression and had to fend pretty much for herself, this has made her very much a person who isn't comfortable with intimacy and guards her emotions. Me on the other hand, I'm probably too emotional, and me wanting an emotional connection that she is unwilling or unable to give is a constant thorn. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted October 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Cheers Max and everyone else whos commented. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bob84 189 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I'm with my now wife 13 years and sound soppy but she everything I need in this world she giving me 3 beautifully kid she stopped me doing stupid sh** that could have seen me lock up because of the lads I went around with she got me away form them and we moved into together and it was the best thing I could have done but if either one of us didn't have the same feelings as we did 13 years ago and still have now we'd split for the sake of the kid and our own happiness. It take two very strong people to be able to talk about going different away in life and from your post it looks like you've made up your minds already best of luck health and happiness with your decision what ever it may be atb bob Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nothernlite 18,088 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 At least youse are honest with each other split while yous are still good freinds and good luck Quote Link to post Share on other sites
shepp 2,285 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I wonder if many of us have higher expectations as to what a relationship can give us? I have been told many times that for most people, the fireworks are over after the first 18 months. Following that if you can both be good friends, support each other and share a common purpose in life, then maybe you have as much as most people can hope for. Most of us have to compromise in life as we rarely get everything we want. I am no expert on such matters, not sure if I even believe the above, but I think it is worth adding to the discussion. Believe me mate, that sort of thing has definitely been discussed. I have always said that no relationship is perfect, you will both always have to make compromises with some of your expectations. Think part of the problem is we both had massively different upbringings. She was brought up as by a single mother with severe depression and had to fend pretty much for herself, this has made her very much a person who isn't comfortable with intimacy and guards her emotions. Me on the other hand, I'm probably too emotional, and me wanting an emotional connection that she is unwilling or unable to give is a constant thorn. I can relate to that Malt, my partner is a bit emotionally flat, I have to initiate everything and I find it very wearing. A bit of spontaneity would be great, but I don't believe it is something you can ask for. It wouldn't be spontaneous then I guess Well good luck with the path you choose. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 f***ing hell mate that's not nice to read. I enjoy our wind ups on FB and our banter in here and it looks like your a happy settled man. Whatever you both decide I'm sure it will be for the best....sometimes love just runs out and if it's not rectified it begins to change to not liking each other very much, sometimes hate. You probably know that I split from my ex of 12 years about 4 years ago. It was for the best as we just lost interest in each other. I said I was going to have a good year to myself shagging anything that moved, but after 4 months I met Adele and my life has turned for the better. Her wee boy was about 3 when I met her, Dad not on the scene and he calls me Dad...which I love......I'm part of a family now and it's been a long time since I've been this happy. I suppose what I'm saying is if you do call it a day there is someone just around the corner that might make you truly happy again. Atb mate and chin up. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted October 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Thanks guys. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stealthy1 3,964 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Good luck, which ever way it goes Mal. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ferretess 230 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Mal that must off been difficult to write and share on here, As long as your both talking you will come to the right decision for you , your mrs and the kids. Life is to short to be unhappy, all the best Mal Quote Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 6,173 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Malt: there's a brilliant book called Feel the Fear .. And Do It Anyway. I can honestly say that this book helped me turn my life around, along with some very good friends who kept on believing in me. The book isn't just about what we fear, but helps people to see that they can be in control of their own lives despite a lot of crap. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Waz 4,262 Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Im not going to comment due to the dust has not settled around here yet (& my stalker will take down and use against me any evidence...), but I wish you and your family the best outcome Malt, a horrible period in your life. But you have a lot more living to do Skycat ill look up that book, I badly need some "Do it anyway" in my life. I love my kids more than I could ever hate someone. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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