Lets make a poem

[Guest The Big Fish]

There was a young lady from Ealing,

Who had a peculiar feeling,

She lay on the bed,

Cocked up her leg

And pissed all over the ceiling!

[Guest SJM]

that poem allways reminds me of the bit in Bridget Jones where they are on the boating pond and Hugh Grant is pissed and falls off the boat

[tote 854]

THE ADVENTURES OF BOB NO DOGS

 

There once was a fella called Bob

He went to Hancock for a dog

He haggled over the price

Not just once but twice

And Hancock called him a knob

 

He sent him to Plummer

Who was a bit of a bummer

But he bred those collie things too

Bob said I want one to mark holes

and jump over fence poles

Plummer said well I cant help you

 

So he went further north to Tom Riley

Who was awfully wiley

He saw him coming and sold him a husky x tumbler x deerhound

Bob was fair pleased

Til he bathed it and saw all the fleas

And then he was cursing and swearing all round

 

"My bloody luck, oh why the f**k"

Didnt I go to Cumbria for a Minshaw

I'd have the dog for the job

Instead of a big hairy slob

And it would kill everything that it saw

 

So Bob went out to his shed

Worriedly rubbing his head

The gun came out of its slip

He shot the damn dog

and buried it out in the fog

And set off to make another long trip

 

He went to the fens and came home with a pup

In a wooly sort of blanket all wrapped up

It was dark when the sale was made

In the cold light of day

He heard a strange bleating affray

The southern buggers had only gone and sold him a tup

 

 

When Bob had a dog,it was habit.

To go out with the lamp for a rabbit.

Said Bob "with a tup what will I do?

I really haven't a clue,

f**k it,I'll take it out in the dark and sh*g it.

[Guest baldie]

Mary had a little lamb,

she couldn,t stop it grunting,

she took it down the garden path,

and kicked its feckin c**t in.

 

Always kills me.

[Guest SJM]

[welshdragon 6]

THERE WAS A WOMAN FROM SIAM WHO WENT TO LONDON BY TRAM SHE CHEEKED THE CONDUCTOR HE TURNED ROUND AND f****d HER NOW SHE'S WHEELING A PRAM

 

W.D

[Guest The Big Fish]

There was a young nun called Vera

who wouldn't let anyone near her

but a crafty old munk

jumped into her bunk

and now she is mother superior.

[Guest baldie]

Hickory dickory dock,

two mice ran up the clock,

the clock struck one...

and the other was covered in blood and guts, and bits of mouse brain.

[Guest bitsa lurcher]

mary had a little bike , it's spokes were broke and blunt , and every time the wheel went round the spokes stuck up her c**t

[Running 7]

mary had a little lamb she kept it in a bucket every time the lamb escaped the bulldog used to chase round the garden

[poacherjim 0]

bob your a super tit. what gives you the right to slag of other breeders. if your dog didnt make the grade dot you think thats your fault not the breeder.

that dont rhyme

[Guest The Big Fish]

Marry had a little lamb

it's fleece was black as coal,

and every time it jumped a fence

you could see it's pink asshole

[wag 13]

to market,to market with my uncle jim.for some rotten b**tard threw a tomato at him.tomatoes are soft when they come in the skin.this fooker didnt coz it came in a tin

[Guest The Big Fish]

old mother hubard

went to her cupboard

to give her poor dog a bone.

but when she bent over

rover took over

and gave her a bone of his own!

[tote 854]

Mary had a little lamb,

she couldn,t stop it grunting,

she took it down the garden path,

and kicked its feckin c**t in.

 

Always kills me.

 

Mary had a little lamb,

It's fleece was black as coal,

so she took it down the waterside,

and kicked it up the hole.